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One boy bullies everyone.....what can be done?

6 replies

pepsi · 25/01/2008 13:29

My son is 7 yrs old and is in year 3. Since reception there has been one boys whose name crops up continuously, whether it be not letting others play, saying who can and cannot join in a game, pushing, spitting, telling children he is going to kill them, that he will come around to their house and wreck their car, that their parents dont love them, etc. He begs parents to let him come over to play and then after he has been the very next day he is mean to that child and doesnt want to play with them. The scenarios are pretty endless really. He picks on the girs and the boys and this week alone I know he has made two girls cry. The school are inundated by parents complaining but over the years there has never been an improvement. Its obvious that this child has some problem somewhere down the line. He has never really known his dad so his Mum is alone and she has an older teenage son too who isnt exactly angelic. Life certainly msut be hard for her. She is a nice enough lady, I used to chat to her and I have had this boy over but havent done so in the last year because he upsets my little boy so much......my little boy has aspergers and so often this boys behaviour upsets my son and so I decided that I would steer clear of him. However, I do feel guilty about this as it must be awful for this child. No parent in the playground wants their child to be associated with him anymore. So my question is, what will a school be doing behind the scenes in situations like this. I feel this child needs some councselling, he gets so angry and shouts at kids right in their faces and spits at them. What are your views?

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thisisRialifebaby · 25/01/2008 14:56

The school should have a behaviour policy and an anti-bullying policy that you have a right as a parent to see, which might give you an idea of what they are doing.

Does the mum seem to have many friends or is she seen as an outsider? Is there any way you could involve her and the boy with you and your son, but closely supervised so your DS doesn't get upset? I can see why you don't want to get involved but it may partly a cry for attention on his part? There is counselling available for children (my DS was referred to CAMHS by the school nurse because he has mild anxiety problems which were made worse because he was being bullied and he got a bit prone to outburst of temper.)

idlingabout · 25/01/2008 16:42

It would appear that even if the school are doing something, it hasn't exactly been very effective.I wonder how aware the mother is as to the extent of her child's appalling behaviour and what she is trying to do about it.

tiredAli · 25/01/2008 16:56

He may be on the special needs register and therefore will have targets to meet, that he should be involved with the setting of (and that mum will know about). There may be outside agencies involved too. However, it seems that if this has been going on since reception, whatever the school has in place isn't working. Keep a note of things that happen that directly involve your son, or things that you have witnessed (never hearsay) and have a chat with the teacher at an opportune moment. Although it's unlikely, it may be that he's ok in class where the boundaries are tighter and less chance of getting away with bad behaviour. Therefore the teaching staff need to know what's happening and what's being said at playtimes etc. I'd be wary of approaching the mum, you may not get the reception you hope for - best to let the school deal with it.

pepsi · 25/01/2008 17:46

Its so difficult to know what goes on really, the school is totally aware, his Mum is friendly, she sticks to her group but isnt a loud or aggressive type. I hope that help is being given behind the scenes. Trouble is its gone on so long that parents just arent sympathetic anymore. Like all schools they say that they dont tolerate bullying but in my experience they dont seem to be able to stop it once it sets in. Very sad.

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tiredAli · 26/01/2008 11:57

That's a shame. Especially if there are a number of children who suffer because of how this boy behaves. It sounds as if the school have accepted how he is, they need a fresh approach. You and few others could suggest it but you may need a heavy hand and it's up to you whether you want to do that.

pepsi · 28/01/2008 14:08

Yet another Mum went in on Friday to complain about how upset her little boy is over being bullied, and another told me this morning that he whispers in her little boys ear "Im going to really bully your tommorrow". Its causing her little boy to wet the bed at night. Following the meeting on Thursday I think the school will really sit up and take note this time. Lets hope so. My little boy is having his birthday party soon and Ive already been told that they wont let their children come if I invite this boy. I dont want to invite him anyway, but then still part of me really feels sorry for him....its not a nice feeling when you are left out.

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