DD repeating Yr 6 - wants to keep secret

[Frazzledmum77]

My DD (11) is repeating Yr 6 at private school having completed state primary.

The repeat was heavily encouraged by the school, who had wanted her to transfer in Yr 5 (she didn’t want to leave her friends and we respected that).

She sat the Yr 7 entrance exams, we’d had private tuition for months, but I’m not sure how
well she did very well despite having extra time (she’s dyslexic). The school refused to share the results.

She really wasn’t ready for school at just 4 (she’s a late summer baby), KS1 was a total nightmare but things improved in KS2 thanks to some great teachers.

However, knowing the stretch jump from primary to secondary (I have an older DD, year 9) I knew it could have been a struggle and chances were, somewhere along the line she’d have to repeat. Figured better year 6 than year 10 or 11 …

She (very reluctantly) agreed to the repeat, so long as it stayed “secret”.

I told her no way it could be a secret forever, however I thought we might get further than week 3 …

A primary school friend (at a different secondary school) has just WhatsApped her asking if it’s true she’s doing Yr 6 again. She’s been honest and said yeah, but to keep it a secret.

Knowing 11 year olds, this tactic isn’t likely to last long. I imagine it’s pretty interesting news.

So there’s a big chance this is going to come up again soon, in a WhatsApp group or in public. I need to give DD some tactics to deal with it, and wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has suggestions?

To a grown up it makes complete sense - poor start to school, late summer birthday, dyslexia and other health issues, then covid & homeschooling whilst juggling work was the cherry on top. But how to explain it as a child to another child without sounding like you just didn’t make the grade?

Does the private school call it Y6? Often they have other names for years in private schools. In which case she can say “it’s different system - I’m in the Upper 4th.”

She could have said it was a different system if she wanted it to stay secret. Presumably her class will realise when she turns 12 and some are still 10. Is she likely to have to resit the year 7 entrance exam?

Sorry should have been clearer - she doesn’t mind her current Yr 6 (private school) class knowing she’s the oldest, it’s her previous year 6 leavers group she wants to keep it a secret from, (she’s scared of being called dumb).

Her birthday would always be in the summer holidays, not so obvious. She won’t be 12 in Year 6.

Yes they call it Yr 6 and all the other numbers same as state. Nothing fancy.

Internal kids don’t sit all of the exams and they don’t call them exams, basically they’re pretty much guaranteed a senior place (which is why peeps move in Yr5).

I'd tell her not to be ashamed and if anything is said to her to say because she is a year younger than some of those in her year that she had the option to stay another year so she is with children closer to her age

@quietnightmare That’s exactly the tactic the school used to try to persuade her and agree least controversial however not without problems as some in her previous class were even younger (end August) and had no problems despite being younger.

My husband repeated a year and has never been ashamed by it, he says it actually really helped and he needed it to catch up to everyone else. He finished his year with really good grades and was a lot more confident within his abilities.

When I was in secondary school (Y8 or Y9), a classmate repeated. She did not have to, but her parents believed it was the best option for her long run. It indeed helped her to lay a better foundation. She was admitted to a good UK university and went to Oxford for a master's degree.

I don't think it's a big deal, is it? One of my friends moved down a year when she changed school - no-one thought much of it.

Perhaps get her to say that it os to help her to prepare for entrance tests for yr7 as the old primary didn't help with this?

This is a great idea - focus on the fact it's something particular about the new school and they teach different curriculum so she is learning the new information in their Yr6 rather than repeating old Yr6

"I was too young for Yr7 at Xxx, the cut off is different. Its harder than at Yyy"

However unless she completely distances herself from old friends it is going to be completely obvious at some future point unfortunately.

I was transferred to private school and moved down a year. They told me it was because at the new school children started earlier (Kindergarten from age 3) so I was going in with children who'd done 3 years of school like me. I was a good bit younger though.

(It also proved to be too conservative and they moved me back up after a term. But better to err on that side.)

She can repeat it, there is no problem with that but in Post 16 if she wants to do AS Alevels she will have only two years to complete it. As she can not take AS ALevel after 19 years old.

I genuinely believe addressing directly (not advertising it of course) makes it far less 'juicy' news. The bottom line is children do repeat school years for many reasons. Why encourage hiding it? I appreciate your child is nervous about people finding out so how about addressing it in a positive way. 'Yes, this happened I'm getting on with my life get on with yours' kind of attitude'? Hiding has a stigma and she's fine, done nothing wrong. Own it, teach your child resilience, you're the parent, lead her to a stronger place. I appreciate you want to support her wishes but I don't see how denying the obvious benefits anyone. Be brave for your child. Teach her to be proud of her life choices.

This is not correct. There is no age limit to taking AS or A levels. People even take them well into middle age!

There are rules in the state system about funding post 19 though. Who knows that the funding rules will be in several years time.

Was trying to reply to the comment which said students can’t take AS and A levels post 19

It's odd that the school refuse to share your daughter's results with you. I cannot see any helpful reason for that, in fact I would expect a decent school to be honest and open about any gaps and to come up with a clear plan as to how they are going to support her with these in future. I'm sorry but I think they may just want your money and are simply putting her down a year in their own interests (so overall results are not impacted) rather than your daughter's. She should not be in a position where she is having to feel embarrassed and worried because of their decision.

But she won't be 19? I am summer born and so was 17 at the time of my A Levels. I didn't turn 18 until after leaving school. So this girl will be 18, turning 19 after her exams.

Don't live in Uk but here it is very common for kids to repeat years. There is a culture of "failing" the year. I hate it personally as it affects kids self esteem badly (eldest son had to repeat year..) But on the plus side there is no social "shame" in it as it is so ridiculously common. For me the fact that it is so common (like 1 in 10) means there is a lot amiss with the education system. I have in the past fought to overturn the school decision for my DD to repeat a year - a whole official process and I won but she had to move schools- complicated system here. But in your DDs case, it was your choice ultimately for the right reasons, rather than it being forced in your by the system. It will be fine and your DD will flourish with that extra year behind here. She doesn't need to lie. Kids that age ultimately will not be that interested after a month or 2. She should hold her head up high!

I would not be happy with the school refusing to share her exam results - or at least have a conversation about them if they are not formally marked.

We held back 2 of our children at primary age and in a culture where it's v much encouraged (non UK)
Both had summer birthdays and both would have struggled.
I would give your daughter a mantra or line to tell anyone who makes fun of her:
My parents wanted me to be one of the oldest not youngest
I wanted more to go to high school when I felt better prepared
I didnt feel ready to go to high school...

If there are nasty comments back. She can reply: well I'm glad I'm not with you so there's another good reason for being in my year and not yours.

Hope she makes new friends and can ignore any nastiness.
My 2 have found school so much easier and done well for being the eldest so I hope your daughter does too.

If you really want to try and keep the repeat part quiet and her moving to the private school means she will go straight through to Y7 I would have her say she wanted to go to x school for secondary and the easiest way was to take a Y6 spot this year so she would have a year to make new friends and move with them. It is really common where I am (non UK) for kids to do that in Y5, less so in Y6 but not unheard of.

Is the private school a through school which said her exams show she is not ready for year 7? It is fine for her to have another year in primary and just say new school new system but they really really must go through the results with you.

The A levels post is, I imagine, based on a misunderstanding of the post-16 funding rules which are different for a student starting level 3 education aged 19+. However it’s intentionally 19, not 18 exactly to account for people having to repeat a year somewhere along the line. Though it’s fairly rare to happen in primary school, plenty of children are kept back to start school a year later if a summer-born child, and at the other end it’s common to have to resit GCSEs or do a level 2 course to access level 3 study. So no need to worry about that.

Thanks everyone, well, her friend is obviously being discreet, as so far no major comeback. Parent of the child who originally spread the news (who I contacted to ask him to stop) apparently didn’t think it was weird or a big deal, just a fact. I agree most other kids/parents will also think it’s not a big deal. For me it is more about my daughter’s feelings and supporting her whilst respecting her wishes. She is 11 years old and has very strong opinions about things, I can’t pep talk her out of them, that’s not a skill I have, I will watch over her and support/advise her as she figures these things out for herself. I agree best to own it not to hide it but it’s not my decision.

Not worried at all about the A level stuff, she’d still be well under 19.

Thank you for the insights from other country systems and also from those with first hand/partner/child experience of repeating. I am overall in favour of it if the system/school handles it well. In the UK, it is a privilege to be able to repeat at this stage in education rather than repeat failed exams later on and I completely acknowledge that.

Exam papers - not sure what we gain by asking to see them 10 months down the line, it’s kind of water under the bridge now for us, but yeah, it was odd, tutor thought so too.