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I am so upset about dd at school yet I cannot seem to get through to her teacher without her thinking I'm being too direct or difficult and confrontational....Please help me sort this out

60 replies

foxinsocks · 24/01/2008 11:28

I am sitting here at work and AM BUSY but can't get this out of my mind.

Poor dd.

The last years, yr1 and 2, she had an OK time at school. SHe loves reading and is v good at spelling, is a head in the clouds type child and has problems with her writing. Her last 2 teachers really brought her on and she was v near the top in spelling and v proud of this fact (the only thing at school she was proud of - she doesn't much care for the rest!).

This year, yr3, she has a v difficult teacher who has a reputation for being v hard on the younger, immature ones (dd is August) and for heaping praise and rewards on the elders (so 1 or 2 children come in early to put chairs out and it's always been the same 5 or 6 older children etc.). Dd has been in tears many times because of her, has been denied a pen because her writing is too poor and gets kept in at break times to finish her work.

Now, she was streamed into spelling group 3 out of 5 (after the teacher told us she would be in no.2). I queried this at parents evening and was told it was just a standardised streaming and she would be moved if it was incorrect. She hardly ever gets one wrong. In the big test 2 weeks ago which she forgot to tell us about (and didn't practise for), she got every single one right. SHe told us she was going to be moved up and was REALLY pleased (and we were proud) as this is the ONLY thing that is going her way.

Except she hasn't been moved up :-(. SHe went in yesterday and she's in the same group and the nanny said she fought back the tears the whole way home. She didn't get on with this teacher anyway, now she doesn't want to go to school at all and tbh, I can't blame her.

I can't post much today because I must get on but part of me is thinking WHY ffs am I getting upset, it's JUST spelling, let her get on with it and the other half is thinking that this is the straw that has broken the camel's back, she now hates doing any work because this teacher has so disincentivised her and NOW, the one thing she was enjoying doing well at, they seem to be ignoring and this has been going on now for a term and a half. She also tells dd she is near to getting a writing pen and then never gives it to her.

The teacher doesn't get dd and she doesn't 'get' dh and I. We are not pushy types at all - I'd quite happily never go into that school but we both feel she is being hard done by and she seems to be ignoring any request we make to her about dd and her progress (other than sending home endless 'extra' worksheets which she seems to think will miraculously improve her writing). Now I hate doing down teachers but I really am lost as to where to go next without making a huge kerfuffle.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 24/01/2008 13:02

Sorry for your DD, Foxy

I would actually ask for a three-way meeting - with the teacher and the head. Then you don't get to feel as though you are sneaking

Do follow 100x's advice - it is important not to get derailed

foxinsocks · 24/01/2008 13:16

thanks and enid, I'm glad things have been resolved for dd1.

must go and get some fresh air and cruise Cov Gdn looking for waiters to hump to cheer myself up

OP posts:
TheHonEnid · 24/01/2008 13:18

foxy I must just add - and I am not suggesting this applies to your dd - I did finally realise that dd1 WAS pissing around a bit AND being stubborn and lazy

so I had to address that at home too [stern]

TheHonEnid · 24/01/2008 13:19

god you lucky thing being near covent garden

foxinsocks · 24/01/2008 13:26

yes, dd is DEFINITELY doing this too. But we agreed with teacher at last meeting that we would address this at home and we have done and she has got better but I feel teacher isn't keeping up her end of the deal (or maybe dd has not improved as much as teacher hoped iyswim) but she probably doesn't realise how much it has taken for dd to even improve as much as she has done . She is so disorganised dd, it really is extraordinary but I think the teacher needs to help her a bit more!

Yes, tis quite fun round here. I play spot the pickpocket and the naive tourist at lunchtime.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 24/01/2008 13:26

and spot the lawyer diving out of their chambers and having illicit meeting in the pubs

OP posts:
purpleduck · 24/01/2008 13:29

my ds (also Y3) has the pen thing in their class too. He decided he wanted a fountain pen just before christmas (he had been playing with my calligraphy set)"to improve his writing", and it actually kind of has. Thing is, now that he uses that at home, he doesn't seem to care about not having a pen in class

Agree that your dd teacher should throw the poor girl a bone, and give her SOMETHING to be proud of..grr

Good Luck

PrincessPeahead · 24/01/2008 13:32

Ha ha when I said repercussions I didn't mean she should tell the teacher that if things didn't improve "you will be hunted down like a dog" but that consequences would flow - whether that be escalating to the head, or moving class, or taking her out of school or SOMETHING. ie that she should make it clear that this talk was a starting point for improvements, not a fobbing off session.

Or she could just threaten her with ABH

bossybritches · 24/01/2008 13:51

Foxy she should NEVER say a child is "awful" how negative even if they are(& your daughter clearly isn't)

Could you challenge her by saying "OK given that she is so "awful" how do you suggest we tackle it together as you have SO much more experience than me at this sort of thing.?" .....sweet smile even though you want to smash her teeth in!!

If she can't come up with anything more constructive than that then I think you are justified in going to the head as you have tried your best. YOu never know the head may be grateful to have a complaint against this woman -if she is KNOWN for being harsh it may help the head if it's not the first time this has happened. Especially if you ask her advice & talk calmly acknowledging there is a problem between your DD & the teacher to show you aren't just doing a clucky mother rant.

It is SO hard -please don't get too upset, I'm sure your DD will cope they are very resilient little things & she is probably learning one of those harsh lessons in life that not every adult likes every child . it's very hard on you as mum though.

gg1 · 31/01/2008 22:01

Foxy I'm not sure if this thread has finished. Have only just joined mumsnet so not sure how this all works! I would see the head without delay. My son has struggled with his teacher since september -tears every day and not wanting to go to school. I finally saw the head first week of term this year after an incident which left me feeling like you (straw broke the camels back). He acted very quickly and was very supportive. My biggest regret was that I didn't do this sooner. You have nothing to lose. You will feel so much better - and in control of the situation.
Really hope things sort out - I know how utterly painful it is and how it dominates your days.

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