If, If, and more If!

[BeeEm]

Background stuff: DD2 is nearly 10. Not happy at all at present school (although i think its a very good one and DD1 was o.k there). DD2 has lots of other crappiness going on - am waiting for Paed appt and CAMHS appt next week. Am fed up with battling to get her into school every day - sometimes I can other times I can't.
Have today phoned around a couple of schools out of local area - logistics of getting her to any other school would be complicated to say the least - DH and I both work rubbish shifts. But not totaly impossible.
have told DDs head teacher I've made appointments to look at 2 other schools. She's not keen. thinks I should wait until Half term - but I've been battling since last October!
IF I move schools and it doesn't make her any happier what next?
If I move schools and she still hates it can I go back to previous school or another one?
IF I look at other schools and then not move her will HT hate me forever?
If I don't move her will DD hate me forever?
IF I take her out of school completely will I go insane?
If I don't do something will DD go more insane than she already is?

BeeEm - you have a lot of questions and no one can give you all the answers. But hopefully this may help.
DS went through a similar thing in Sept. Refused to go to school, got really down etc. (He's a bit older than your DD).
After about 6 weeks of complete refusal, he moved schools and is MUCH happier. Key thing to remember is that each child is individual. A school may suit one child but not their sibling. Doesnt mean its a 'bad' school at all. Any Head teacher worth their salt will already be concerned anyway, so won't be offended if you look elsewhere. The child's happiness is paramount. A child who isn't happy and secure won't learn - so get the happiness factor sorted and the rest will fall into place.

P.S. Your dd is NOT insane. I know it's horrible, really shit, when you know your child isnt happy. But it WILL get better. You won't necessarily believe that when you're in the thick of it, but it will. Just wanted you to know other people have been there too. x

If you move her school and it doesnt' get better:
at least you will have tried.
If you move schools and she still hates it: I'm sure that most schools have to accept a pupil if they have spaces and a request for a place is made (with the usual exceptions - religion etc)
If you look at other schools: I doubt if the HT will be angry with you. I'm sure she's seen it happen before, and it will happen again!
If you don't move her: I'm sure DD doesn't hate you, just the situation.
If you take her out of school completely: you may see a massive change in her (for the better). Could you homeschool her?
If you don't do something: its likely that things won't improve. It sounds like you need to make a plan of action. Things obviously can't go on as they are.

I know someone else who was advised by her son's HT that he couldn't be moved (to another school) until 1/2 term (the reason given was 'protocol'.) She rang the Admissions Team at her LEA and they strongly disputed this and told her to go ahead and take up any place available at any time.