Daughter terrified of starting Secondary School !

[Waterfall16]

Hi
My daughter starts Secondary School tomorrow and is absolutely terrified.

The school she’s attending is an all through.
She experienced significant bullying in the primary phase (school wasn’t very helpful), which led to a lack of confidence and slight anxiety. Most of the bullies are staying on at the Secondary School and this is deeply concerning. A couple have been placed in her class and this is playing on her mind.

We have tried everything possible including encouraging her that this is a new season (thicker skin etc) and to not anticipate the worst. However, it’s really hard for her to block out the past.

She has received help in relation to confidence, anxiety and resilience, but is apprehensive.

She likes to avoid confrontation and is generally quite shy/timid. In saying that she has on occasion been assertive, had a voice when being teased or bullied.

Bullies target whoever, but she is often seen as an easy one because she likes to stick to one or two friends and is shy.

She has been doing martial arts for years to help with confidence. We are also looking into getting her involved in other activities to keep her busy (including lunchtime activities).

We have a limited choice of good secondary schools in the area; but tried to give her other options. We didn’t want her to continue at this school . She didn’t get into other schools we placed on the list (heavily oversubscribed), but was given two other offers. One at a school which is over an hour’s drive and the other for a private school (Hall School Wimbledon).

I know that bullies are everywhere, but I really feel as if we messed up! Obviously we haven’t shown/said anything about her reservations for the school. We have remained positive and encouraging.

We were soooooo impressed with HSW as a school and had planned to send her there (love the ethos, enthusiastic Head, well-being importance, smaller classes, co-ed, non selective etc). However, feedback from other parents who live/work in the area of bullying etc made us rethink! It is also significantly less diverse than her current school (not a major issue, but something she observed).
Goodness knows whether we have done the right thing in relation to HSW!

We contemplated homeschooling with tutors for a while, but it’s impossible to deregister and re-register until another option arises.

We involved her in the school choices.
Because she has two friends at the current she said she wanted to guvs it a try, but has asked to be taken out if it gets bad.

I really feel like I’ve let her down! I know we have to see how it goes, but it’s just so hard!
Really feel terrible!

Does anyone have any similar experiences?
Any positive feedback …

Thanks so much …

Could you give it a term/half term and then if she hasn't settled look at transferring her to HSW. And let her know this so if she I unhappy she knows that it won't be forever? Socially I have only ever heard wonderful things about HSW.

Is she at a private school currently? Am guessing she is if it's a through school? Do lots of new pupils join in y7? Things can really change at secondary level so I'd give it a try and move her later in the year if she's still really unhappy. There is quite a bit of movement at secondary.

Thanks .
Its a state school.
Have said we’ll move her if needs be.
From what I understand HSW only take on students for Year 7.

No experience of all through schools but will there be new kids starting in year 7 who weren't there previously? If so I would big up the opportunity to make new friends etc

Thanks so much for your comments.
Its an all through state school and their intake of new pupils is 30. All primary children are given an automatic place.

Their main entry point will be year 7 but they will take pupils if they have space at other times. There is quite a bit of movement at all these schools due to relocations, moving to boarding schools etc etc.

I didn't know there were any all through state schools!

I am a secondary school teacher expecting my new year 7 tutor group this week. Some parents have given.me details about concerns they have. Is you daughter's form tutor and head of year someone she has ever worked with before? If not why not e mail.them as they may not he aware of your daughter's concerns. Sometimes we ask staff to 'keep an eye on ' people or if we can we will separate pupils and usually this does the trick.
I hope tomorrow she returns smiling and your worries retreat. 🙂

Hi
Thanks for above.
Yes it’s a state all through. Very unique in that sense.

I am unsure who the Form Tutor is, but will find out this week. All teachers are new, so my daughter has had no prior experience with them.

I will definitely email them to raise my concerns. If they can be separated, that would be reassuring if the behaviour continues (same class).

You might find that every class is mixed up each lesson. All the high schools do it near us.

Could you ask if she can be moved to a class away from the bullies as soon as they are able to do so?

Even without the bullies secondary school is harsh. My dd starts year 8 tomorrow. It's a constant battle. A lot turn everything to race / sexual orientation. People laugh at my dd and say she looks bisexual 😂 it's so difficult if you have a shy and timid personality. She has different people in each class. When I was at school we had just the one class until y10. I hope your dd settles.

Thanks.
Will monitor the situation and see how it goes. Will request a class move if needs be, but from what I’ve been told there are bullies in each class.
No class mixing unfortunately. Same class up to Year 9.

It's not a good school for her if she's terrified to go or miserable once there. I'd give it 6 weeks and if the bullying restarts move her. In the meantime things like lunchtime activities are a brilliant idea.

My thoughts exactly!

She was very frightened. Didn’t smile once.
Most people walking with parents and friends. She has no friends to walk with, but will work on that.
Will give it a maximum of 6 weeks.