Private School for 2 children

[TheOneTed]

Hi there, I have a 3 year old DD and was planning to send her to private school. The local primary got a Needs Improvement ofsted rating which meant I looked at the local private school - and was really taken by the facilities / grounds etc.

I have just found out I'm pregnant again, and am worried about the costs for 2. We are a high earning family (around £450k / year), but it means we will be tied to working full time -high pressure jobs for a long time! We also have fairly higher mortgage / car costs.

Can anyone share their experience if they had a similar choice to make? What was the outcome for you? Many thanks

That's what I thought

@Endlesslypatient82 first of all, my daughter private educated until year 4. Unfortunately when we move to London we couldn’t find her place for year 4 entry in independent schools (we missed the deadlines and 7+ entry for her). We moved suddenly because of my husbands work. So she had to wait 11+. She is 10 now and I keep searching and trying to find best independent school for her for year 7. So I do have experience in both sector. You do not know the whole story so stop blaming someone!

On your income I suggest saving heavily too so you could reduce income in the future. You are very wealthy, if the mortgage is not manageable move

Also if circumstances dramatically change, you send them to state school, you move house etc.

@Endlesslypatient82 no, because she wants to go to single sex school. She is happy at state school right now but I am not. No homework, no feedback from school, no after school clubs, no facilities. I can not help her with her learning anymore because I don’t know the topics. I asked her teacher to let me know about the topic so we can practise at home etc but she didn’t informed us at all. We do have parents evening every term, except from that I dont know how she is doing. She is doing great in learning and she is always complaining that she waits for others to finish their work. They don’t challenge or stretch her I know. Its just lovely friendly good state school. She has done some primary entry assessments for independent schools - and we have offer from some coed schools but she want to go to single sex school so we didn’t want to change her school for 1 year. And also i was told that you need to sit 11+ exam when you join private primary after year 3, 7+.

This is a very peculiar poster.

blame?

most odd

Well you hop-skipped over a big cost of university for them both - with your income they won't get much help. Fees are frozen for now but after 2025 when inflation is high it is inevitable they will go up. It would be crazy to expect them to go to private school then not bother with uni. I've heard future estimates of £20k+ a year just for fees, without living expenses. That could be wildly exaggerated but even if fees were only £12k or £15k a year, then living costs on top - think about how you could save £120k to help pay for 2 kids' university.

I wouldn't send my kids to a dreadful primary school. That foundation learning is too important.

It seems to me you should have plenty of money to afford what you want on your income without any struggle at all, but everyone has different lifestyle expectations.

If you decide to go for it and pay for private school, make sure you have good insurance against long term sickness or loss of income.

We have nothing like your income but decided against private school (although we could manage it) as we moved to an area with good state comprehensives, and instead we prioritise setting our kids a good example (charitable giving, hybrid/electric cars, solar panels, green energy tariff, buying more expensive recycled produce) and plenty of opportunities - skiing, sports lessons, music lessons, nice holidays, trips to the theater and travel within UK/ overseas to see new cities and relatives. These things add up cost-wise and I like the fact we aren't stressed about wealthier parents and having to "keep up".

But our choice was based on having a reasonable alternative in the state sector.

In your shoes: I'd reach for private school and budget carefully for the long term.

You're intelligent enough to be earning high salaries but didn't consider this? Bizarre.

hey @TheOneTed I sent you a dm because this thread is a mess! why are people so rudeee

OP on that kind of income you should have a financial advisor. They can run forecasts for you that include school fees so you can figure out what impact a change in earnings at various stages will really have.

This.

Do you mind me asking ,what do you/your partner do for a living ?Thats a hell lot of money..

How old are you and your husband? I think you may be in your 30s based on the age of your child and that means you have a good 30 years or so of working life left in front of you. Even if you take early retirement or cut down on your hours by half that should still leave you with a household income of around £200k that makes private school affordable.

We have 2 kids in private school and plenty of disposable income left over. I'm able to save for their university costs and house deposits. Of course we are sensible with our spending - we fly business only for long haul flights and unlike some of my friends I am not buying a birkin every few weeks, etc.

This isn't always possible. I'm in London and grappling for years where to move to that would work for the family. The few good comps have ever shrinking catchments/furthest distances and practically become private school enclave by virtue of house price premiums. It might sometimes work if you are religious, have 1 child only or 2 of same gender.

It's the system not the player. If you can afford it why not.

We were in the very fortunate position of grandparents offering to pay for ours to be privately educated but we didn't think it necessary as our 3 children were all academically able and motivated, and we had good local state schools. Instead, grandparents agreed to invest the equivalent amount for the children's benefit, most of which was saved for their adulthood, some was spent on enhancing our family's general standard of living when they were younger. We haven't regretted it at all. The benefits for us were:
enjoyed really special family holidays we wouldn't otherwise have been able to; I was able to stay at home when kids were young; partner was able to change jobs to follow his passion rather than having to maximise income; our kids have graduated debt free from uni and we are in a position to help them on to the housing ladder.
Caveats - if your children struggle academically, have issues such as dyslexia, or tendency to get in with the 'wrong' crowd, they can easily get lost in the state system, so I can see why some would choose to go private to head off those risks.
My advice would be to see how they get on in state primary first, saving as much as you can during that time, and only make the switch if you feel they are going to be academically disadvantaged by continuing in the state sector. Keep a close eye on their progress and get private tuition sessions to help things along if necessary.

@devitt

We were in the very fortunate position of grandparents offering to pay for ours to be privately educated but we didn't think it necessary as our 3 children were all academically able and motivated

and you knew this at 4? Or were they offering for secondary?

Thanks to those who have shared their experiences, it's really interesting to hear those who prioritised private school vs those who opted for good state schools (or a mix of the 2). I totally see the rationale for all.

I've got some time before my 3yo will start school so can mull things over!

Wow, usually these threads are "we have a joint income of 60k, can we afford private," but your salary is a whole other level.

We decided against private. Mainly we could only just afford it, our disposable income would be close to zilch, and it'd put huge pressure on our finances. Also, I was privately educated, and was horribly bullied. My DH was state educated, and also bullied. DH does keep in touch with friends from school, I don't. Maybe he came off better. Also DH earns more than me, so this makes me question whether my private education was worth it.

So far, my children are happy in their local primary, and want to go to the local comprehensive with their school friends. I work part-time, and we have disposable income. I take them to lots of extra curricular activities. Perhaps academically they'd do better at private, but I don't think academia is everything anyway.

@TheOneTed have name changed for this. I have one DD in private school. It is not the holy grail, but for us, as she is very bright by attending a super selective she can fulfil her potential amongst other bright girls without feeling like she is weird/nerdy. You won’t know at 3 your child’s potential but by 11 you will. We have a similar household income but where it was once made up of two incomes, it is now one. This was possible as we sold one business at a time when DD was going through the 11+ Applications and it was clear one of us needed to support that transition/process and both of us working mad hours just didn’t work. Then we’ve had to deal with all of the issues that elderly parents who refuse to move/acknowledge dementia brings. Whilst I’ve sort of missed being someone other than DD’s mum, I’m glad I’ve spent the time with a dying parent and supporting DD who is now starting 6th form. We have good relationship with open discussions which I don’t think I would have if I’d been working 10 hr+ days 5 days a week and a nanny to manage everything domestically. I’ve only got a couple of years with her before she’s off to uni and then I can either go back to what I did before or start something else. Be warned, schools have an unrealistic expectation of parental availability- assemblies, plays, meetings etc. if you can WFH it helps manage a lot. You are right to consider the future and changes in circumstances but both of your earning potential will only increase. That said, Whatever your salary, private school is a massive commitment and will mean less disposable income for things you might once have bought on a whim because you tend to convert it to school fees. Lovely holiday? That’s a terms school fees etc. In your position, I’d have a year’s school fees tucked away in a different account, ensure you have good pensions, life insurance and a savings pot for both children for when they turn 18. I see my job is to get them to 18 but in our house, Uni will be funded by DD. She’ll have a car as we live rurally, a CTF which she can choose to either spend on tuition fees etc or a house deposit. Paying everything for them doesn’t foster independence and they have to learn to make decisions at some point. Final point, make sure you both have wills!

At your income level it should be comfortable but i wouldn’t plan on the basis of you both earning that much forever. I don’t think you can underestimate the toll of stress etc of high earning.

we’re on a high income but no-where near your level and have decided to do secondary only. If it was on your level I’d do prep in a heartbeat. We’re in an outstanding state primary which in many ways has the demographic of a prep but it has its challenges. We’ve been considering moving our daughter. We’re at a lovely school but what you’re paying for is the smaller classes, facilities like swimming pools and better provision for things like music lessons.

regardless of the size of your mortgage, you should be trying to build up savings and investments to give you choices to stop. I won’t start private schooling unless I’ve got enough saved so I’m never paying for more than one out of income. Even with a crazy mortgage you should be able to build up a sizeable buffer.

£450k is an astronomical sun, and we are a high income family ourselves.

I know expensive property exists outside London but if you're saying you need a bigger house potentially, I can't imagine where in the country you could live where that kind of money wouldn't afford you a very decent house and private school easily.

We have friends who have 3 kids at private secondary who are on £300k a year, and like in London so house is ££££. It's very doable.

£450k is an astronomical sun, and we are a high income family ourselves

Yes, it's an utterly unreal amount, isn't it?

Christ my household income is significantly less than yours with a big mortgage and we comfortably send two. Im a bit worried for when the younger ones start though 😬. That said have you thought about moving for primary - ours is outstanding - the private prep is full of people that tried to get our school but just missed it and saving it for secondary. Thats what the savvy around here do. Unless you have a seven figure mortgage you should be able to afford it no problem.