non-smart phone for 11yo

[surreymother1]

So dd is going to secondary school in September. Having to travel by train by herself so I want her to have a phone for emergencies, but don't want a smartphone and all the potential hazards that might entail. Has anyone else given their child a non-smart phone? Does anyone have any recommendations? Also is it possible to get GPS on one? I am thinking probably not, but would be great if it was possible.

Another vote for a smart phone.

Check the policy of the school on phones.

I've taught in places that have policies of no phones but I've worked in others that allow them and their appropriate use.

There are things like quizzes you can ask students to log into and vote for answers, they often take photos of the white board at the end of the lesson

If they are boarding they won't need them for keeping their electronic train/bus tickets, viewing timetables, arranging to meet up with friends after school etc. Surely you can see the difference.

DD has had a old nokia type phone for a while, about £18 from Amazon, the brand is Oakcastle. With a sim from 1p mobile.

We are grudgingly getting her a smartphone for secondary but locking it right down. She will have to ask to download apps etc. DS didnt have a smartphone until he was older but the world seems to have moved on. I am loathe to do it as all her friends just sit on their phones all day looking at apps their parents dont know they have, hence the parental controls we will be insisting on.

I also think it will be handy to know her location when she is out and about.

In theory they're not allowed them in the lower school in my kids' school. In reality, post Covid, teachers till upload a lot of homework onto teams, and they're allowed them in form time when they can finish off bits of homework in Seneca or Dr Frost and check emails.

All the kids communicate via WhatsApp groups too.

In theory they're not allowed them in the lower school in my kids' school. In reality, post Covid, teachers till upload a lot of homework onto teams, and they're allowed them in form time when they can finish off bits of homework in Seneca or Dr Frost and check emails.

From speaking to parents with DC at the schools it's enforced. DS's best friends Mum had to pick up his sisters phone on the last day of term.

For the people insisting their Y7 child will not have a smartphone in September, I hope you've checked this with your school.

At our school a smartphone is needed. Their homework diary, time table, rewards system - all on apps. No accompanying website for these apps so it's apps or paper.

In my Y7s class he said there is one boy that doesn't have a smart phone. He's been given a paper homework diary and timetable and gets laughed at when he pulls them out. He also misses out on any group meet ups as he's the only one not on their form group What's app.

We now live in a world where the majority of people couldn't function without technology. There's no denying that and it's not noble to keep your secondary age dc away from smartphones and apps, it's restrictive and isolating and sad for them.

at DD's new school phones are allowed on the premises but removed if seen to be turned on/used, but you still need a mobile app to pre order lunch to click and collect if you have a club and want to jump the queue 😆

I understand your caution but she will be excluded from lots of social stuff without a smartphone. Is that really what you want?

Kids communicate via lots of group chats. They arrange their meet-ups via group chats too. She will be left out from all of that.

It isn't fair to try to deny your dd access to things that are the norm in the modern world, just because you're anxious about it. Whether we like it or not, smartphones and social media are just facts of life now. I think it's much better to give kids the technology but teach them how to use it safely and monitor it into you're confident that they are able to do that.

The only child my dd knew without a smart phone in Year 7 ended up getting an old phone from another child that she seceretly used with WiFi to access social media apps etc. No opportunity for discussion about how to use it sensibly, no supervision, no safeguarding. I would rather support them to do it safely than push them into a position where they feel they have to bypass me.

Except they do exactly that every weekend?!

Thanks for the thread OP. Really interesting to hear what people are saying. My son is 10 and going into Y6. He doesn't need a phone now but I'm starting to think about getting him one in the next year. I'm a bit terrified of pre-teen/teen whatapp groups. I've heard some real horror stories linked to them, including a literal murder (which I know is extreme, but quite local to us so has definitely given me the willies), daughter of a friend who stupidly got pressured into sending a topless photo, another girl who was getting messages through the night and worrying about not replying to them (mum now removes phone at night) and a family member is being sort of systematically left out from her friend group, it's happening 'in real life' but it's all being played out over whatsapp constantly. Hope I'm not de-railing.

For my teen a smart phone has been the cause of a lot of problems. She was at mainstream school with a learning disability until the age of 15. Snap chat was an awful source for bullying.

i agree with OP hold off the smart phone as longer as possible.

Presume OP has a smart phone. If so get air tags. They are small electronic buttons . Put one in child’s school bag enabling OP to track child whereabouts from her phone.

Oh they get confiscated when they use them during the school day. But they're allowed them in form time and at break times. It's how they pay for food!

You can get a sportswatch with GPS.

One advantage of not having a smartphone is being able to easily identify the other kids with similar parents, and bonding over wholemeal pasta and handwoven goat cheese...

Good schools ban phones.
Real life face to face conversations are still a thing.
Some railway stations and bus stops have no info but many/most do.

I am loathe to do it as all her friends just sit on their phones all day looking at apps their parents dont know they have

It's interesting that you are able to spend ALL of every day watching ALL your DD's friends and have surveyed ALL their parents about which apps they believe they have on their phones.

My DS has just finished Y7. He has a friend who doesn't have a phone. I find it very annoying still having to text the mother and basically organise it myself if they want to see each other out of school. The child must be socially isolated by this.

Well the staring at their phones is quite obvious, although DD claims that when she has a smart phone she will be able to control herself, despite being glued to her Kindle Fire whenever she gets the chance 😂

The parents not knowing about their kids on TikTok etc comes from the children (or DD on their behalf) begging me not to tell their DP's when its really obvious what they are looking at. Their secret is safe, I might be a luddite, but I am not a grass

You are 1000% better to teach your daughter internet safety etc than void her of having access to it via smartphone.

Wow - thanks for all the responses. Interesting that so many people think a smart phone a necessity. We’re going to stick with a dumb phone but get an air tag to attach to her bag (thanks to the person who suggested that).
Dd has an autumn birthday so if it seems absolutely necessary will get one then. Ideally not though as have heard so many bullying horror stories and tales of inappropriate photo swapping etc. I can educate dd but can’t control the messages other dc send so want to avoid as long as possible.

She'll get bullied for not having one. You need to have calm open honest discussions about the dangers of the internet, social media etc. She needs to learn to navigate them and she needs to know she can always come to you with any concerns.
You might not like it but this is the world we are living in, you can't shut her away from it, you're only storing up bigger problems for later on.

As above, smartphone but with strict parental controls and life 360 so you can track. You won't get tracking with data so get a cheap contract. If you don't allow social media, wen browser etc she won't use much data. We have androids with Screen Time app which is great, you can choose apps to restrict or ban completely while allowing ones you want. Eg mine have unlimited Kindle and Spotify and a drawing app but everything else is time limited, and no social media apps allowed. You can set it so they can't download new apps without your permission. And you can do everything from your phone even if you're nowhere near them. Can instantly allow extra time if you want, too.

If your aim is bullying prevention @surreymother1 then the best thing you can do is NOT to ostracise her from her peers and make her stick out like a sore thumb from day 1.

I can educate dd but can’t control the messages other dc send so want to avoid as long as possible.

At what age do you think you will be happy for her to receive such messages? You seem convinced she will so at what age are you going to let her loose with a smart phone?

I understand your concerns but she will be disadvantaged not having a smart phone at school. I work in a school and the children are often told to get out their phones to access Teams during the lesson ro submit assignments or photos of the work hey've completed.

This. You'll create more problems than a smart phone will

Better a smart phone at 11 when you can add as many safety features as you want and she won't object to you checking it every night, than a friend gives her one that you don't know about.... Ifnyou wait till she's older she'll be far more sneaky about it, deleting conversations, not letting you check etc.

I would say you are better off getting a smart phone now and teaching her to use it responsibly (plus locking down anything you don't want her to use). Use parental controls so you can see everything she does. Check regularly and tell her that you will do this. Make sure she knows she can talk to you about anything that happens or that she seees that makes her uncomfortable. Make sure she knows she must ask before installing anything at all (you can lock access to this but actually it's better that she gets used to running stuff past you to see if you think it's OK). It is far easier to set up these good habits at the age of 11 than in a teenager.