Resilience: State V Private - some thoughts

[DocD]

Post pandemic I have been invited in to a variety of schools to give a talk about my job as it is seen as interesting for children. In the last six months I have been in tiny rural schools, enormous London primaries, and some private schools.
I have been amazed to find that I have changed my mind about thinking private schools turn out more resilient children (I was privately educated and always assumed this was fact not myth.)
I have been blown away by many of the children in all the schools. But I have been particularly impressed with those children who - in large classes, often with a couple of children who are 'lively' - have asked interesting, erudite questions and wanted to engage me in conversations about things they know and things they think would be interesting for me to hear.
I am so pleased that it has changed my mind as I now feel that I will very happily have my children educated in state schools, and I am embarrassed that I never really questioned this before (although I do remember feeling very shy at university in large lectures having been used to very small classes at my tiny private school.)
Do you think the resilience as USP goes back to cold showers and running around the hockey pitch at dawn in your pyjama type era? Because the private schools I have been in seem to be so set up to closely support children which must be lovely if it is something a child flourishes with - but not perhaps resilience building or an ideal preparation for the real world?

@2022again I was an early boarder as well and have to agree that some of my friends were traumatised by the deep grief that the initial homesickness brings and ended up as very troubled teens and young adults. Many are now in therapy. It wasn't that their parents didn't love them, it was more that young children need hugs and cuddles and kisses goodnight, and a lap to sit on when they are upset, and in many boarding houses this was not on offer (some boarding parents/ matrons were amazing, but they were in my experience, the rarity.)
I am glad that boarding has changed so much. And that those schools ideas of 'resilience' have been debunked as ruinous for some children.
Going back to the point of the thread, I saw some excellent learning resilience in these state schools, children adapting so well to academic challenge, thinking outside of the box, being questioning and supportive of peers and I was very impressed with the modern state offering.

@DocD yes apologies for de-railing - currently going through therapy so I know full well I should be avoiding mumsnet and anything regarding private schooling as its the equivalent of sticking pins in myself !! glad you have been having some good experiences in your work.

@2022again sending hugs x

@DocD thank you!!

My children's school got in a resilience trainer some years ago for a couple of terms. My eldest said it was basically a combination of boring soundbite lectures with powerpoint and throwing kids into situations they find difficult and making them cope with it (sink or swim but under psychological pressure to be a swimmer). Honestly it was utter c**p and after a term I pulled them out of it by scheduling other things during that slot instead of other 'real' lessons.

I think you have a point, OP. I've taught in both the private and state sector and I've also noticed how much more resilient the state educated kids are. I think it's because there's fewer adults to go round so they have to solve every day problems by themselves. whereas in private, everything was planned to the nth degree and provided for, the children by and large were used to having what they wanted and to having adults attending to their every need. I have been so impressed since moving back to the state sector at how independent the children are.

@Macaroni46 you have managed to communicate, very succinctly, what all my waffle was trying to say, thank you!

My DDs boarded and both did an exchange to a South African school for a term when they were 13. We didn’t go with them. They went on their own to Joburg and then on to Durban and came back 3 months later. Few kids I’ve ever known would do this from any school.

They are resilient and they were privately educated. This utterly depends on the child. Other DDs went to Australia and New Zealand. Of course they were resilient. And continue to be. They work things out for themselves.