Resilience: State V Private - some thoughts

[DocD]

Post pandemic I have been invited in to a variety of schools to give a talk about my job as it is seen as interesting for children. In the last six months I have been in tiny rural schools, enormous London primaries, and some private schools.
I have been amazed to find that I have changed my mind about thinking private schools turn out more resilient children (I was privately educated and always assumed this was fact not myth.)
I have been blown away by many of the children in all the schools. But I have been particularly impressed with those children who - in large classes, often with a couple of children who are 'lively' - have asked interesting, erudite questions and wanted to engage me in conversations about things they know and things they think would be interesting for me to hear.
I am so pleased that it has changed my mind as I now feel that I will very happily have my children educated in state schools, and I am embarrassed that I never really questioned this before (although I do remember feeling very shy at university in large lectures having been used to very small classes at my tiny private school.)
Do you think the resilience as USP goes back to cold showers and running around the hockey pitch at dawn in your pyjama type era? Because the private schools I have been in seem to be so set up to closely support children which must be lovely if it is something a child flourishes with - but not perhaps resilience building or an ideal preparation for the real world?

You seem to be describing confidence not resilience?

@TeenDivided Um maybe - I think I meant that the children I met were resilient to be being in large classes, learning to a high level (I was blown away by some of their work when I was shown it) and making sure that their voice was heard amongst so many peers. But I suppose that might be confidence?
How would you describe resilience in a school setting?

I think it is showing bounce-back-ability. So in school maybe to keep trying different ways to solve a maths problem, rather than giving up if the method isn't immediately obvious. To keep going even when you are finding things hard. Or with younger children, to cope if they aren't picked for something, or don't win a race.

Here we go - via Dr Google
Dr Ginsburg, child paediatrician and human development expert, proposes that there are 7 integral and interrelated components that make up being resilient – competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping and control.

I was always described as resilient as a child (and now!)
I think for me it was moving about so much. Went to 2 nurseries, 3 primary schools, 2 secondary schools, 2 colleges and 1 uni. Mostly state schools but I had a scholarship for a year in SHSK Abingdon

@TeenDivided That sounds like a great answer. And yes I saw plenty of that in these children in state schools - my talk involves a workshop where they have to use science and maths. I was so impressed! Also the way they handled their peers who were less able or had challenges - one particular class I worked with they were seated on mixed ability tables and really seemed to work so well and thoughtfully as teams.

Well you list of things needed to be resilient makes sense.
But I still think your example was more confidence not resilience.
Plus unless every child was showing that, then what you may have noticed is the more confident, and the work of the more able.

x-post.
You may well have seen some resilience then.

I think you are closer to what you mean in this update. State educated students are much more used to dealing with all types as opposed to just the "people like us" you often get in private schools because their peer group is selected precisely for their ability to fit in with the ethos of the school.

I take your point about all children needing to be resiliant to prove a point - and I suppose likewise if a private school is saying that they turn out confident and resilient children as a USP that it can't possibly be true for everyone (certainly when I look back at my peers there were plenty who were not confident or resilient despite their private education.)
I suppose at heart what I am saying is that I was really, really impressed with what I saw in many of the state schools.

@PeloAddict wow you do sound resilient!

I cant really tell the difference between private and state educated pupils of the same sort of social/economic background to be honest.

I think bright, confident DC do well anywhere. My, average to slightly below average academically, DC would not have achieved as well as they did, had they gone to a large comprehensive similar to the one I attended.
A non-state school gave them opportunities to develop sporting, musical, dramatic and artistic abilities that have given them a useful confidence. This can happen at a state school but depends on the pupil stepping up, in these independent schools there was no choice. They also never got to question if it was too cold to swim or that sometimes they came last at sports day or didn't win anything at prize giving.They also have an amazing ability to sit through lengthy music recitals and church services without looking bored.
Each of them got solid A-level results and good degrees - two graduating this year.
I think resilience is the greatest gift we can give our DC. Interestingly, though they all enjoyed their schooling and agree they achieved 'better' than they would have at the local comp, they feel they won't pay school fees... They are a long way from having DC so I don't know if this situation will change when the time comes.

And to agree with PeloAddict, the seemingly most resilient DC at my state school were the DC from the local RAF camp , who had frequently changed schools.

have you heard of boarding school survivor syndrome? ....i would question the type of "resilience" developed in the historic context of the boarding school experience as this can come at significant personal cost. This is a quote from a psychotherapy workshop - "we looked at how a child might adapt to the boarding school existence and how they might construct a Strategic Survival Personality. This consists of the ways of coping with the separation from home and family at an early age. The child identifies with power and independence and disowns their vulnerability and dependence. This way of existing then continues on into adult life" The recognition within modern private schooling that a child needs support and nurturing to allow growth of all aspects of their personality can only be a good thing. My child is at a state funded all girls secondary and I think whether private or state it's down to how the school is able to support growth within the environment.

I ditched state school because it made my child miserable and taught her nothing in three years. She loves her private school and learns loads.

Looking at it through a resilience lens is interesting. I suspect the truth is, the most resilient children are the ones who’ve had a tough time somehow. I’m often described as tough. I had a horrible time at school. DD is a snowflake but her life is lovely. It’s very tricky and I suspect the hard truth is that to become ‘resilient’ you must first be miserable ☹️

i like this definition of resilience "Instead of falling into despair or hiding from issues by using unhealthy coping strategies, resilient people face life's difficulties head-on.
People with resilience do not experience less distress, grief, or anxiety than other people do. Instead, they use healthy coping skills to handle such difficulties in ways that foster strength and growth, often emerging stronger than they were before." i am also an ex forces child LocalHobo and would suggest it can work to develop some aspects of resilience but not all - i am very independent and think nothing of travelling abroad alone but it means a lack of roots and connection and permanently itchy feet! there's something to be said about being born and raised in 1 place and going to your local state schools with people you have known for a long time...if you have secure roots it can help a lot.

We looked at a (private prep) school for DS, which had a major emphasis on teaching/nurturing/upskilling resilience, and made it an integral part of their teaching methods

it was really interesting listening to the teaching staff talking about how beneficial it is to their pupils

Ultimately we chose a different school, but of all the parents I know who did send children there, they all said they were swayed or heavily influenced by the focus on resilience

www.parkgate-school.co.uk/resilience/74.html

I think there’s a big difference between “work ethic” and resilience. I teach students who’ve been at both state and independent schools. The independent school pupils often have a very noticeable work ethic, because that’s been instilled in them at very high-powered schools. They are often very good at managing workload, doing what they’re told, and crunching through stuff at a rate of knots before fitting in lots of extracurricular activities.

That doesn’t equate exactly to resilience, though. Some of the state school students I see who have been used to more self-directed learning, or being more of a big fish in a small pond; and they prove to be more intellectually and personally resilient, in terms of being able better to deal with setbacks, more intellectually curious, and more self-directed. In comparison to the private school students, they often are less good at managing the workload; but better at being independent-minded. (And they catch up quickly with the private school ones, too.)

@LocalHobo Do state educated pupils get a chance to not swim if it is too cold? That would seem a strange way for a school to behave! At my boarding school we just used to pretend to have our periods to get out of swimming - the poor teacher must have been quite lost with keeping up as we seemed to get away with having a period at least every two weeks!

@CharlotteOH That is such a sad thought that you have to be miserable to be resilient. But I wonder if for most state pupils it is lots of small knocks and not getting lots of small class attention that makes them resilient learners? The children I worked with seemed, for the most part, to be very joyful.

@2022again That is a very good description. If you think of top class athletes, they use all their knocks and losses to come back and give their all again and get better (often with lots of support these days from sports psychologists.) I am guessing that resilience is similar in an educational setting - with really good teachers (and I saw some extraordinary class management techniques in the state schools, not so much in the privates as it wasn't needed so much I suppose in small classes) you can learn resilience methods.

@theclangersarecoming I think this was me! At school I worked very hard, but at University I felt intimidated by the very resilient state school kids who had got to where they were by being very independent and focused. They ended up streets ahead of me and a couple of my friends despite similar A levels.

This boarding vs non boarding debate is tiring. People are different and will respond to different environments in their own way. No point comparing. Resilience / confidence are home grown, in my opinion. Yes, a school can affect a child but ultimately it's the lessons and values you teach them at home that they will need to navigate the world in whatever circumstances they find themselves in, in life. Regardless of where they went to school.

i'm not sure why you think the debate is "tiring", that's a very dismissive statement ???!!! i was discussing what is defined as resilience and historically boarding school experience was focussed on you becoming a particular "type" of person and for people like myself who was an early boarder, quiet, non-sporty, parents living abroad, school had far more influence on my personality development solely because i spent far more of my life at school than at home. I wasn't claiming that all kids suffer in the same way, only that the school churned out a lot of kids that, like me, could be described as highly resilient and I have used that term to describe myself....but that in later life, when faced with challenges that require a strong sense of self and ability to emotionally regulate, that adult may struggle to cope or maintain personal relationships. Hence why I'm very glad that most private schools have developed their pastoral care to nurture the whole child and not do a "one size fits all" programme. Resilience can and should of course be home grown but a child from an emotionally neglectful home who attends any school where teachers have the time and energy to support that child in their growth or where they receive mentoring from some trusted adult can also enable that child to become resilient ( and I had a number of friends who likewise flourished at school despite their crappy, rich, uninterested parents)