Will DD8 will ever get into super selective private?

[Noblojoforbojo]

We have been biding our time with our DD who is a summer-born 8 year old. She’s currently in year 4 at our local primary in SE London. It’s fine but a bit ‘meh’ and will not in any way prepare her for the brutality of the 11+.

DS jumped ship in Y3 when he got a surprise offer from an excellent boys only school. He’s now Y5 and will - dual income willing - stay all the way through.

We can’t do it for one and not the other and the differences in schools are apparent.

We worry we have missed the boat with DD who does not ‘present’ as well and is less studious. She probably has a naturally higher IQ (good at NVR) and has ‘spirit’ and a cracking singing voice but is terrible at rote learning and will lash out if we push her too much.

We thought she was too behind for the 7+ but she actually did better on her report last year and we should have just tried it.

Since then, we have tried her for two occasional places (50 applicants for one of the spaces, six for the other) and she got neither.

Is it worth sending her to a prep? Or should we be looking at a through school?

We would consider schools from Dulwich to the west to Eltham in the South East and all
in between.

Should we go the prep route or the junior school and if so, which school?

She’s OK at maths and pretty good at English but not amazing at either.

Would we know by know if our Y3 DD would be able to get in somewhere amazing for Y7?

Should we just push her into an average independent in hope it will accelerate her and if so, which ones?

May I suggest a GDST school. She would get into Juniors, they'd bring her on and she would likely get automatic entry to seniors. You've got Bromley, Sydenham, Blackheath, Croydon all near your area.

thanks so much @KathieFerrars but there are another couple of threads saying to steer clear right now as there are lots of staff changes and they will struggle to recruit great staff with the pensions changes. We were looking into this though

This will be a controversial view, but if she's only "OK" and "fine" at core subjects, it sounds as though she isn't right for a highly competitive school. I know a lot can change in 3 years, but focus on finding the right school for her rather than pushing her towards a system where she will be forced into a childhood full of tutoring to keep up or thoroughly miserable with the pressure she faces.

Agreed.

My parents did this to one of my younger siblings (the next one down) because I was “gifted and talented” and won a full scholarship to a super selective. They basically hot housed my poor sister, who was never, ever going to be like me. It caused damage.

DSis, however, has never met an instrument that she can’t master very quickly, whereas I wouldn’t even know how to pick up a guitar. Different kids, different talents.

This is great advice, agreed.

Like @HewasH2O said, the academically high-performing schools are not the right environment for every child. If a child can't get in without intensive tuition then they should not be there and won't be happy. The lower ranked schools aren't bad and still have plenty of clever and talented kids - your DD doesn't have to be labelled as "less" anything if a superselective doesn't pick her. The superselective schools handpick the kids who are likely to get the most stellar results anyway, and the school doesn't always add very much.

You need to find a nurturing prep or junior that doesn't have its own linked senior school, where they will get to know your dd and will help identify the right environment for her. All-through schools can't do this as they assume everyone who can keep up will stay to 18 and that's not the right choice for everyone.