Divorce and where to live for good grammar/selective comprehensives in London/SE

[Sooverit1001]

looking for advice from wise Mumsnetters!

Unfortunately it looks like my marriage is at an end and I am looking at relocating (currently in Fulham) to somewhere cheaper for my 5 year old DS and self. DS is currently in a pre prep and doing very academically, with advanced reading age and very good maths ability - thd expectation has been for him to do 7+. He is about to finish Reception.

It is also highly likely that my husband will refuse to pay any school fees or offer minimal support going forward. Therefore I am hoping to move to outer London/se to send my son to a prep which has comparatively low fees (and maybe a scholarship/bursary programme) which is on a grammar/selective school area with good comprehensive schools. I have in mind Surbiton, Sutton, New Malden, Kingston and May consider Bucks/Leigh on Sea (though prefer not to go further east if poss as wider family are based in north west). Any advice and/or recommendations please? Many thanks!

DS is a shy and non sporty little boy, though loves learning generally.

Hello @Sooverit1001 It must be very stressful at the moment for you, sending hugs💐

I live in Leigh-on-sea , we moved from London after DS was born. It's a lovely place to live .We do miss London sometimes I don't think that I would move back now even if I could afford to.
DS and DD would not have the freedom they enjoy and we have found it a very welcoming place. London also feels very close.

Both are now at Grammar school.and doing really well. They both attend Saint Pierre prep school and had a great experience there.
Their 11+ results are second to none but more than that it has such a lovely atmosphere.
They will definitely support a super bright little boy like your DS.

Lots of children also pass from the local state primaries , so definitely consider them also.

Good luck with your decision.xx

Kingston is really nice and you would still have lots of the advantages of London eg a short train ride to Waterloo. It has a thriving town centre and the grammars really are good (but hard to get into). Plus you would be in striking range of some good boys' schools that select at 11+ in case you wanted to think about bursaries later on. The primaries are also good.

@Windinthewillows74 thank you! Assume you went as a couple to live in LoS? My fear is that I may feel isolated there as a single parent and far from DS if anything goes wrong…though I work in the City

@BonjourCrisette Thanks! Yes similar thoughts re Kingston. Have only ever been to the theatre there but looks like a lovely town, good for kids as you say and good indues nearby

i don’t drive so looking at places easily accessible by public transport

I’ll also recommend SE London (the stretch from Greenwich to Bexley) as a good location to consider. If you live close enough, the Bexley and Dartford grammar schools are quite easy to get into compared to other parts of London. Lots of single mums and an easy commute into the City.

@Sooverit1001 Yes, we did move as a couple. We were both born outside the UK so have no family close ( I have one sister in London) I did worry but lack of support but I found the mum's at school very welcoming and many are single parents who work in London. I helped them and they were there for me.

I became sick with cancer while both DC were still at prep school and the support I received was incredible. I now have great network of friends who I know that I can call on anytime.
Don't worry about moving away from London if it's to Leigh on sea, Kingston or elsewhere people will support you .I will never forget the generosity that was shown to me and my family, for us it was the best move we could have made.

Beat of luck your decision , it will all work out in the end.xx

Folkestone, Kent is a lovely place with good grammar schools

I've lived in Leigh-on-Sea all my life. There are excellent primary schools here plus a couple of private prep schools. St Pierre has better 11+ pass rates than St Michael’s I believe.

My DC went to a local outstanding primary and had private 11+ tutoring from the end of year 4. Now at local grammar and thriving.

Outside of school there's still plenty to do here. My DC sails regularly with local sea scouts and I barely see them now the weather is good. Connections to London are still quick and easy.

I'd recommend Dulwich. Some of the preps offer year 3 bursaries like Dulwich Prep London amongst others. Also, there are outstanding state schools both at primary and secondary level. The Charter North Dulwich for instance is one of the top performing comps in the UK.

Its also possible to get into and commute to the grammar schools in Orpington and Bexley from Dulwich as well including St Olaves which is one of the best in the country.

Dulwich is expensive though so it depends on your budget. West Dulwich is best value and is convenient for many of prep schools but likely out of catchment for the Charter school for secondary.

I was going to suggest Kent for the grammar schools, although you have to choose your area wisely.

Not what you asked, but you could also consider Hampshire. Some of its non-selective comprehensives do better than some of the Kent grammar schools. Places like Fleet and Romsey are worth a look.

(Romsey may be a bit far depending on whether you can WFH)

Hi Sooverit1001! Sad to hear about your big change.

Would you consider Redbridge or Enfield in NE London? For 11 Plus schools, you can then apply to Ilford County and Latymer , subject to you checking post codes first. Queen Elizabeth School in High Barnet is then commutable and has no post code requirement.

Thanks for the helpful messages!
unfortunately Dulwich looks to be outside my budget and I am not keen on going anywhere semi rural or rural as bound fo feel il isolated as I dint drive either.
i hadn’t thought about Redbridge before, good to know.
@Dido2010 - are there any good reasonable preps around there? I know of st aubynd. Would Redbridge also be in the catchment for the regular Essex consortium schools (eg KEGS westcliff boys)?

@Sooverit1001
No one has mentioned Bucks, so I will.

Taplow and Burnham will both soon be on the Elizabeth Line. So anywhere in Bucks near these stations is worth looking at. Marlow
is lovely and so is Gerrards Cross and Beaconsfield. Bucks is a grammar county and all grammars are outstanding here. Amersham has Dr Challoners Boys and Marlow and High Wycombe also have grammars as does Burnham.

If you want a cheaper prep, you need to choose one that mostly preps for 11 plus, not Eton at 13. As you might expect, there are plenty to choose from but they are not all the same. Destinations are key and you would need to do your own research. Caldicott is top of the bunch but not cheap! Davenies in Beaconsfield might suit.

One last tip: live in catchment area for the grammar you prefer. You will find there are lots of bright DC in south Bucks and lots of good schools. The state primaries are largely excellent too.

@TizerorFizz thank you!
what Are the comps like in bucks if he doesn’t get into the grammars?

There are no comprehensives in Bucks. The grammars take the top 30% (or at least the top 30% on exam day) so the Upper Schools struggle to get good results. Some are doing much better these days but you need to choose your area very carefully. Burnham, which has a very good grammar school & is on the Elizabeth Line has no Upper School & children are having to find places in Slough, Maidenhead etc. The previous Upper School there closed because no-one wanted to go there as it was so awful.
The upper school in Marlow is very good but you have to live very close. Amersham School has had a good reputation in recent years. I'm not sure about others.

Thanks!
it’s a difficult conundrum trying to work out where is affordable in terms of living costs and where is optimal for good schools (grammar and comps) together with reasonable preps! Also I’m thinking a few years ahead and I’m aware that catchment areas change too.
lots of food for thought 😄

Leigh on Sea is a very welcoming town. West Leigh is an outstanding state school and is excellent for very bright children. When my DC were there they sent almost half of each year group off to one of the local grammar schools. They push the 11plus and there are lots of local tutors who can help. You will make lots of friends with other parents there if you do the school run or get involved with the PA.

I've got one DC at a grammar and one at Thorpe Hall which is a lovely non selective private school in Thorpe Bay. Quite a few from Leigh go there and the older ones catch the train every day. ( it also has prep and primary but I've no experience of that)

It is a fantastic town to raise kids in and is a great community with lots going on. We moved here when our DS was two and immediately felt like we belonged. I could never move away as I can't believe I'd be happier anywhere else.

I was chatting to a women on the train the other day who had made the move from London just before lockdown and said she couldn't believe how friendly everyone was and that she had made many new friends since moving in just from going out on dog walks! It's just that kind of place.

Why does it have to be a prep? Why not chose somewhere with good primary schools? Most people attend state schools so there's no shame in moving your DS.

@AngelsWithSilverWings - do you think it would be welcoming for a single parent of non white origin? Not being rude but I have heard of casual racism in Essex…

@Nonameoclue - lots of reasons why I want ds at a prep - too outing. It’s not a question of shame l, it’s more what suits my ds

@Sooverit1001

Its correct that Bucks doesn’t have comps. It cannot due to the high percentage going to grammars. These are not super selective grammars taking 2%. They operate on the Bucks 11 plus and are not particularly elitist. If you want comp, Bucks isn’t the place to be. Similar in Kent though. London area has super selectives so more difficult to get a place than in Bucks. At least here you take one exam and that’s it.

Secondaries that parents like are The Misbourne at Great Missenden, John Colet at Wendover, The Amersham School, Great Marlow School and The Chalfonts. Of course they don’t have grammar results but are better then a good many comps! Their results are not shabby. Living in mid Bucks is cheaper and many schools are very good with great parental support. If you don’t think DC will get into a Bucks grammar, they won’t get into one elsewhere.

Yes, Amersham School is good now. 10 years ago parents would do anything to avoid it, but it has improved massively under current SLT and is now oversubscribed. It is perfectly possible to study academic subjects there – DD2 got 12 good GCSEs (including triple science and 3x maths) and 3 STEM A levels at Amersham School. She now has a BSc and a first-class Masters in hardcore STEM subjects.

Lots of diversity, too, as you mention that's a consideration.

As @TizerorFizz says, there are a number of other good, non-grammar schools dotted around Bucks, but if you want a good comprehensive eduction for your DS, then Herts would probably be a better bet.

There's need to live in Kingston itself for priority access to Tiffin Boys - just anywhere in their priority area, which includes neighbouring areas like Richmond upon Thames. All the state secondaries in Richmond Borough are Ofsted Good or Outstanding, so you can't go too far wrong.

I have sent you a pm , I hope that's ok @Sooverit1001 .

@User1279 🙏

@Sooverit1001 Leigh is a bit different to other parts of Essex. It's actually actually quite a liberal area despite us having a Tory MP and it's a commuter town where many people work or have spent a long time working in London so are used to being in a multi cultural world.

It has been described as a bit of a middle class bubble within Essex.

I admit it is a predominantly "white" town which my husband who had been living nearer to London found a bit disconcerting at first.

Our neighbours moved in from Ilford and are British born of Indian origin and they have fitted right in and have found everyone be friendly and welcoming. We've actually discussed racism with them when discussing the BLM movement when it was in the news a lot last year and they've said they've been very lucky not to have experienced it.

Obviously as a white women I have no real idea of the casual racism you may encounter but I know what you mean when you talk about it as I have encountered it in other parts of Essex ( and the UK ) but the people I know in Leigh are much more enlightened ( or "woke" as the right wing press would put it!)