DD is 4.5 and started reception in September. She was excited about school and both her nursery and I thought she was ready (as much as they can be).
She's always been quite reserved in big groups of children so I opted for a small school where there are 12 children in reception.
DD speaks very negatively about school. Although, when pressed, she will actually admit that there's a lot that she likes about it but she just seems to focus entirely on the stuff she doesn't like.
From everything I can see, the teaching staff and TAs are all lovely and the children are too. Most of the children are getting on well and enjoying school and are encouraged to be inclusive. I'm actually pretty sure that the other children are not the problem here.
Every morning DD and I have to go through a performance of 'I don't want to go to school'. I've tried every way of managing this - distraction, saying positive things about school, sitting down, validating and talking about why she doesn't want to go, ignoring. Obviously my failure here is that I haven't been consistent in my approach.
She is often quite foul to me at pick up time but generally this diffuses by the time we get home. I've stopped saying 'have you had a nice day?' as a greeting because invariably she will say (loudly) that she hasn't, or even worse has had a 'horrible' day. I now just talk to her about something unrelated.
This evening, for the umpteenth time, she started saying how school is 'disgusting' and that she doesn't want to go. I asked her what specifically had happened that was a problem and she said 'they hit me'. This has become a recurring theme. I'm pretty sure it's the hustle and bustle of the playground. The first time she said it, I mentioned it to her teacher who said she'd keep an eye on things but DD keeps bringing it up. 9 times out of 10 she can't name who has 'hit' her. To be honest, I'm dubious about this. At such a tiny school I cannot imagine it going unnoticed if one child was being hit on a regular basis by other children and also had it been malicious surely DD would remember who it was! Also she's never had any marks or really seemed to actually be genuinely upset. It feels as though she has hooked onto this as a thing to say.
It's so difficult because I just feel as though I'm not getting a clear picture of what DD's problem is.
At parents evening she got a glowing report including that she joins in well with group activities and will speak up and contribute so I don't think it's crippling shyness at play.
DD will often say that she ended up playing on her own at playtime but it isn't because the others aren't including her; it's because she happened not to want to play the particular game they were playing so through her own choice she stays on her own but then feels sad about it. I've seen this with my own eyes at parties or at the playground after school. Other children will come up to her and ask her to go with them/play and she doesn't.
It has gone on for so long that I'm worried that if I don't somehow sort the situation out soon that she will have ingrained into her psyche that she hates school.
I also worry that the other children are going to stop making an effort with her if she doesn't respond with at least a tiny bit of warmth. She's basically antisocial at school, yet outside of school has some lovely friendships with my friends' kids of all ages.
I have some similar traits in that socialising in big groups was never my thing but at her age school was a doddle socially for me and I just worry that it's only going to get harder from here.
I'm wondering if I shot us in the foot choosing the smaller school. Maybe at the big school she would have been more likely to find friends who happen to like the same things she does.
I'm feeling at the end of my tether this evening and have let DD know that I'm frustrated with it which I know won't help.
I have decided to speak to the school again tomorrow but I'm wondering if there is outside help available. Would some form of therapy help. I feel like I've tried to ignore/make light of it for too long really and if things don't get better we might have real issues in store.
Aside from school days it's starting to permeate our other days as well as she'll just start randomly talking about how she doesn't want to go to school on Monday.
If anyone has any thoughts/advice I will be very grateful to hear it.