Grammar vs independent

[sequinsquishee]

I know this has been done before but I'm finding my dd a bit of an anomaly for what I had planned for her. I had hoped to have her attend prep and then onto grammar school so I don't have to pay fees forever.

But since she's been at school I keep hearing that the grammar system has gone downhill, it's not as good as when I attended one. So now I'm a bit worried I might make the wrong decision.
Dd needs to be pushed. If she's not pushed she will sit about, we've been told this by her teachers as well as noticing it ourselves, at first SEN was suspected by school but then covid hit and it ended as the teachers saying perhaps it's just dd being lazy after all.

When she's occupied and kept busy she works hard and is smart and gets really good results and good CAT scores. When she has a teacher or a class where it's evident there's nothing going on she gets bored and doesn't work hard. Not ideal. I wish it wasn't the case but it is. I'm worried she'll be a nightmare in a state school for overloaded teachers unable to help her when she's not doing so well and also she'll fall behind.

Any experiences of how to choose a school for a dc like mine or if it all changes when they go to secondary anyway I need not worry so much?

I don't think grammar schools are a homogeneous block anymore than independent or comprehensive schools are.

Unless you are interested in boarding, there is a finite number of schools locally that will be options from a logistical point of view.

In my view you need to look at all those options, weigh up the pros and cons of each and then decide what is best for your child based on the individual schools concerned not on whether they happen to be grammar, private or comprehensive.

As @Fifthtimelucky says, not all grammar schools are the same. In the same way not all independents are the same.

You need to go and have a look round schools and work out what is best for your daughter.

But as an aside...

Has your daughter ever been seen by and Ed Psych? I just mention that, because for school to flag up SEN there must have been concerns. What SEN were they suggesting?

We are only just coming out of the fog of Covid and frankly I think a lot of schools (quite rightly are focused on getting kids back on track and their well-being) such that concerns about SEN may not have as high priority at the moment.

Just be warned SEN in girls is massively undiagnosed (autism, ADHD etc) and so I would be wanting to ensure that had been fully checked before I then looked for right school.

We didn't get told much about the SEN only that dd tends to only do what she wants to do. So she loves maths is challenged by what she's set and is really good at that but as an example she doesn't like French so messes around and although is doing fine in it can't seem to bring herself to behave in the class, for example if they're expected to sit still the whole way through class she finds it very difficult because in her words 'we have to watch baby videos' of course the French teacher is only making them watch baby French videos so they can learn the Vocab but to my dd they are too easy, she learns things quickly and she gets bored and chats and moves around in her seat a lot. Sometimes if the teachers give her a worksheet that she feels was too similar to one they've done before she won't do it. She says she's already done it and already understands it.

It's a bit embarrassing because I explain to dd to do the worksheet next time even if she feels she's already done it but as one teacher has explained to us, dd is very stubborn and if she doesn't want to do something she just won't. Things are getting better though. But this is what worries me. How do I manage her ability as well as her stubbornness to do work she doesn't want to do. When I was at a grammar if you didn't do the work in class you'd easily fall behind because there's too many dc for the teacher to notice as well as too much exam material to not do that day. But as said above perhaps I need to realise things may have changed and all schools are different.

Our school have completely dropped the subject of SEN now. I will ask about it again though.

With regards to grammar schools they haven't been doing open days. Would love to get a feel for the schools but it's been quite difficult. We have got 'open day' videos but it's really not the same. Hopefully in the coming year maybe things will change

No grammar schools are the same. Some are incredible, others really rather dire and old fashioned.
I would have her properly assessed sounds like she might have a SEN as she seems to have what is called a ‘spiky profile’ which can be an early sign. Dyslexics for example really struggle with languages but can often have an aptitude for Maths.
Does the prep have a good SEN department or is it a bit wishy washy?

@Placido yes it's very wishy washy unfortunately. Interesting about dyslexia, her reading is fine though as is her French but could it still be the case? I don't know anything about dyslexia only that I thought reading would be impaired if she was dyslexic but I'll look into that thanks.

Yup reading can be fine it is usually spelling that it shows up most with - lots of different types of dyslexia. With my DD she was great at maths except for number problems and very musical but couldn’t learn to read music - very common dyslexic traits. Also the pattern of TimesTables was tough to learn.

Tbh OP I think they are looking for excuses why she isn't keeping up or reaching expected levels within certain subjects. If she can concentrate in the classes she likes - its just boredom.

I have two in prep. One is very bright although very lazy and will do the least amount of work she can get away with. She did well in her CEM but still needs to try harder to get in to the grammar down the road from the school ( which is excellent) she would pass for another grammar in another area not too far from us. I'm not sure grammar is suited to her though.

My other child will walk grammar from entrance through to leaving.

Your daughter's behaviour sounds a little like my son. He has ADHD. It's notoriously under diagnosed in girls.

Also it's a falsehood to say it's just boredom if only in some lessons. My son can focus very well on something that grips his attention.