Oh God! Upset (sad) and a leetle bit furious about conversation with head this morning

[dividedselfridgesxmaswindow]

Okay, I have three children. My middle child (ds) is always the fly in the ointment. He is a lovely boy, not aggressive or manipulative or unkind or rude. He can be all these things at various times but not inherently so. He has a kind and generous nature and is particularly fantastic on a one to one basis.

The thing with ds is he is silly and acts up. He lacks self discipline and is rather the class clown. He loves silliness and this does NOT fit with school or life in general as he matures and it does cause him (and me, fgs give me strength) problems on occasion.

Now, yesterday was his school play. He was a carol singer and had to wear a hat and gloves and carry a lantern. Seems as though they reneged on the lantern - he would have been picking it apart and fiddling with it no doubt. My mother and I went to watch him in the morning. He was loving every second during the play and was excited about the event when we were getting dressed for school earlier that morning. Sure enough, he was fidgety and kept looking behind him and he was blowing the tinsel on his classmates' costumes every now and again. However, he did exactly as he was supposed to do and sang and joined in with great enthusiasm. I was proud of him and felt that he tried his best to behave. His carol singer co-star kept tickling his hands and was encouraging him to be silly as much he was her but hey-ho

Anyway, this morning the head confronted me with the following.

She said it was carol singing at the elderly person's home on Tuesaday and that ds was not o go because he did not seem at all interested in the school play, and did not appear to have any desire to be part of things with his class mates or to fit in and was unlikely to be able to behave in a confined space.

I was gobsmacked but vehemently disagreed with most of what was said and explained my perceptions of him a the school performance.

She said something about fish oils.

Now, coming away, I'm thinking is exclusion the best policy here.

I'm really cross and feel that this is about as unseupportive as it gets. Does my ds need to be rewarded for bad behaviour by 'getting out' of occasions he struggles to stay focussed on??

Thoughts and opinion greatly appreciated.

My suggestion would be for him to go but to have the promise of a reward such as leading the walkign line back to school if he manages to cooperate with his behaviour.

I'm presuming he hasn't been warned that he will be excluded from this so that he can consider this a future consequence and that this is more a case of 'we don't want wriggly silly kids spoiling the nice school image in the village. I'm prepared to accompany the group if it will help.

IEPs can be an excellent way to help children over behavioural and/ or learning problems, as long as they are a collaborative effort between the school, parent and child. The targets also have to be realistic and attainable, as well as measurable.

"She said it's a health and safety issue"

She's lying .

It's never a health and safety issue. That's just trotted out as an unanswerable put down, in exactly the same way as "inappropriate" was ten years ago.

What does the letter say? are they excluding him?

He is to be excluded. Still too upset and furious to post more detail, but I WILL.

Have got children at home because I cannot bring myself to send them in to a school where the ethos is so unclear and attitudes are so unfair.

How man y days in prison will I get for allowing my children to truant I wonder..?

We're making mince pies instead.

I would now write a formal letter of complaint to the chair of governors - stating that you don't feel the headteacher has handled the situation in a professional manner. Quote the 5 outcomes for children and also inclusion policy (if you can find this on your local government website so much the better) and ask the chair to look into the complaint and also forward you the relevant policies covering the situation so you can see how the headteacher has come to this conclusion.

Surely he wasn't the only child in the 8whole* school to misbehave/lose concentration?

Are they going to punish everyone this way?

if your son was mucking around in both performances to a greater of lesser extent and had been warned then I see no reason why he should not be excluded

I think the whole situation should have been dealt with in a more sensitive manner for you and your ds sake...

...BUT a child who continually disrupts,fools around and plays the fool ( for whatever valid reason) can make an outing with a large number of youngsters a health and safety issue. I agree with you that some way should be found for him to attend this activity and the school should take up your offer to accompany them. However, have you thought of something that may be done by you/the school/both to boost his self esteem so that he would not need to be the class clown. This will become a HUGE problem in secondary school or even ys 5 & 6 where disruptive children can prevent much learning from happening for everyone. And he might - inadvertantly - become stigmatised as a trouble maker. In my experience very active, intelligent children need a lot of stimulation otherwise it does sometimes turn into class entertainment. Lots of physical activity and mental stimulation. I assume he is in a big class (BAD thing that) so you may have to do some at home? (And I guess you already know all this but I thought to mention anyway)

I hope you don't find this post offensive, all my points are meant to be supportive.

Thing is, he wasn't warned.