Putting twins in different schools?

[ButtonsAndPearlsAndLace]

I have 2 year old twins (boy and girl) and DH and I are thinking about schooling (we will be going private). There is a co-ed school and a girls-only school we are interested in (I went to the girls school and my brother to the co-ed school so we have lots of experience of both). Overall, the girls school is the better school and I would love to send DD there, but would also love to keep them together. DH thinks we should send both to the co-ed school but I have a very close attachment to the girls school and always wanted to send a future daughter there - any advice/experience? Thanks :)

Ignore your attachment. It’s a different school now than it was when you went there.

Go see both schools, keep an open mind, and then choose the school that actually suits each of your children the best.

"I have a very close attachment to the girls school and always wanted to send a future daughter there"

I think that you've got to put aside this emotional attachment to the school and look at what's best for the individual children and you all as a family (logistics of 2 different schools, potential clashes of events/pick ups etc)

The girls school won't be the same as when you went there and your daughter is not you.

I would send them to different schools in this situation. The co-ed school with the uneven mix would almost certainly not be as beneficial to your daughter as the girls school. Your son will not be disadvantaged at the co-ed as he's a boy. If they are only 5 minutes walk apart then it should be logistically manageable. Also they'll have the same school experience as their friends without siblings in their year group plus the less dominant twin can learn to stand on their own separate from their sibling.

Definitely visit and see what you think. But as PPs have said, girls do better at single sex and boys do better at co-Ed.

My b/g twins went to co-ed prep together. It was great, they were always in separate classes but I thinking was valuable for them to be together and for my daughter to be around boys. However it was also a good school for them both. At secondary my daughter has gone to single sex private school, my son’s private school is co-ed. This decision was based solely on which school was best for them. I think it is lovely for them to be together in the early years, if at all possible.

Are you planning anymore children? The sibling dynamic could sway it. I think you’d need to see how they were closer to the time and whether splitting would be beneficial or not. In principle the different schools could work out better but if it causes them anxiety to be split then I’d think about making the change for year 3 instead.

I’m vehemently against single sex education particularly at primary so would always without exception go for co-Ed at least until 11.

I'd want them in separate classes can they co-Ed offer that or is it too small?

@ButtonsAndPearlsAndLace you're not in SW London by any chance are you?

@tattychicken sadly in our case girls do dreadfully at single sex in terms of mental health - our local girls only is awash with anorexia, self harm and anxiety. Such a shame. I know so many girls who have been pulled out for the sake of their health.

Surely it's much too early to know what will suit your DC when the time comes. I'm a twin parent, and although I appreciate identical and fraternal/mixed sex twins will respond differently, I do think you need to look first to their particular strengths, needs and preferences rather than your feelings about your old school. Fwiw, my twins are happiest and best when they have one another around, and they have spent their school life so far sharing the same school, class and even dormitory. But they have different strengths, different friends and different outlooks. Twins and other multiples are individuals, but that doesn't make it wrong for them to spend time together or draw strength from one another. From your description of the choices on offer, op, I would be looking for a proper co-ed alternative if there is one available. I would certainly avoid choosing separate schools that aren't equal as twins tend to have strong awareness of fairness and equitable treatment. If one perceives s/he had a less favourable experience this could set up resentments in later life that could spoil what should be a really close and special relationship.

I have much younger siblings who are twins and they went to the same school.

My parents had a very similar dilemma to you when deciding where they would go.

I will say now years down the line that they absolutely benefited hugely from being together. School can be a scary place and there is nothing quite like having the comfort of a sibling around who you know has your back.

Don't let your own schooling, however good it was, cloud your judgement of where you send your children - they are different people and it is a different time.

I don't think that twins should be separated.

@ButtonsAndPearlsAndLace as a mother of 10 year old twins - I would never separate dd and ds. Personally I think it’s a bad idea. They have their own friends at school, some days don’t socialise together and others only play together.
If one is upset at school even now in y6 they go to each other for comfort.
I am sure if you go ahead and separate they will be fine. I don’t think they would grow up being anywhere near as close as they could be though unfortunately

@Placido sorry, I should have clarified, girls do better academically at single sex schools. Not necessarily emotionally or health wise.

@tattychicken
And which so you think is the most important? Without good mental health their lives are miserable.

My girls are twins and have just started school. I can’t imagine separating them at this age as they are so, so close emotionally. Their teacher reports that once in class they play with their own friends but I can’t imagine breaking them up at this age, they have a really special bond and they’re so little still. Secondary might be different but right now I couldn’t. It would be cruel for my girls.

@Placido mental health of course, I'm in agreement with you. And unfortunately have first hand experience via my daughters who are/were at a single sex school. However, anxiety, eating disorders and even suicide are issues in all the secondary schools in our area, single sex and mixed.

As they are boy and girl twins, I would send them to different schools, otherwise they would never be apart. They each have to assert individual identities and not just be 'the twins'.

Girls only tend to be better for girls and co Ed better for boys so I would do that if I could and liked them both

For goodness sake, don't make your judgements based on your experience of these two school from 30 years ago! Visit the schools and think about your kids and their needs; don't be swayed by your sentimentality!

@Plumtree391 do you have different sex twins?

To make that comment I would be very surprised if you do

There is a lot of admin that comes with schooling. Much easier to deal with one rather than two schools.

specifically chose coed for dd - didn't want her perfectionist tendencies to take root in the all girls option..... does mean she's gone through senior school with boys as friends and the whole dating/party thing has started sooner. not sure that a blanket statement about a giels school being the only way to avoid the Me Too issues is correct - a lot of those girls were from girls schools? DD is v happy- but it is a fully co ed school with equal numbers of both. I wouldn't have sent her to a boys school with a few girls - which is what OP seems to be faced with?