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Original poster

Putting twins in different schools?

50 replies

ButtonsAndPearlsAndLace · 16/09/2021 12:24

I have 2 year old twins (boy and girl) and DH and I are thinking about schooling (we will be going private). There is a co-ed school and a girls-only school we are interested in (I went to the girls school and my brother to the co-ed school so we have lots of experience of both). Overall, the girls school is the better school and I would love to send DD there, but would also love to keep them together. DH thinks we should send both to the co-ed school but I have a very close attachment to the girls school and always wanted to send a future daughter there - any advice/experience? Thanks :)

OP posts:
Solasum · 16/09/2021 12:26

Private school holidays are all slightly different. You would also need to juggle attending two parents evenings/ sports days etc etc how would you manage two pickups potentially at the same time in different places? Much easier to keep them together

NuffSaidSam · 16/09/2021 12:30

I'd send them to the same school. I think it's nice for them to have the shared experience of being at the same school/knowing the same people/being able to gossip about what went on that day etc.

If you do go for the girls school, I would look for a different school for your DS. I wouldn't send him to what you know to be an inferior school because you have history with it! Find a boys school or another co-ed school that's as good as the girls school

You can always revisit this at secondary level, when it matters more.

Thethingswedoforlove · 16/09/2021 12:30

Surely it depends on them as individuals? Different schools suit different children. I’d not worry whether they were together or apart but focus on which is the right school for each child.

NLondondiva · 16/09/2021 12:30

I know someone who does this (girl and boy, similar reason). It works as the schools are 10 min walk apart and stagger their start/finish times.

One thing I would consider is how you will explain the choice to your DC as they get older. Be confident in your "story" from the start. You don’t want DS to grow up thinking that his school is second best.

RobinPenguins · 16/09/2021 12:34

Are you talking about primary or secondary? I think it would be nice to keep them together at primary, but in secondary the evidence suggests boys do better at mixed schools and girls do better at single sex schools, plus they’d likely have totally separate friendship groups by then.

Ducksurprise · 16/09/2021 12:35

You have to do what is right for each child. I have never been a fan of sending the child to a school just because their sibling went.
However you also can't complain when logistics are complicated. At one point I had six children at five different schools .

titchy · 16/09/2021 12:35

It's not about your attachment to the school though is it? It's about what's best educationally, as well as emotionally, for your twins.

As an aside, neither you nor your brother have any experience of what the schools are like now. Your experience is 20, 30 years out of date. I'd like to hope all schools are very different to how they were that long ago. It would be a very poor school indeed that hasn't changed.

Original poster
ButtonsAndPearlsAndLace · 16/09/2021 12:35

The schools are very close together (5 mins walk apart) and many parents have children in the two schools. The co-ed school isn't inferior as such, I think I worded my original post wrongly! It is a fantastic school for boys but less so for girls as the girl numbers are a lot lower (due to the close proximity of the girls school). I think we will keep considering both for the next year or so

OP posts:
chutneypig · 16/09/2021 12:37

My B/G twins are in separate schools, but that’s secondary and it was their choice - single sex schools. It works well for them, they travel in and out together but have their own space.

I’d be reluctant to do that at primary age. It was a little intense for mine as they were at a small village school so two years to a class. I would have split them between classes if I could have - that would be the ideal in my mind. Space as individuals but time together if they want.

I’m sure they get used to it but as PP said explaining your decision later on will be the biggest issue - twins are very competitive in my experience.

AppleKatie · 16/09/2021 12:38

Educationally you are bang on.

Your daughter is statistically more likely to do well at the girls and your son at the coed.

I do understand the argument for sending them to the same school but I really (really!) wouldn’t send your daughter to a school where she will be a minority if you don’t have too.

Hardbackwriter · 16/09/2021 12:39

I have a very close attachment to the girls school and always wanted to send a future daughter there

I'd actually be a bit careful of this leaving aside the extra complications of her twin - I've seen this 'knowing where future child will go before they're born' a few times and it can be a bit of a disaster because it's the parent projecting onto the child what they think they should want. She's only two; as she gets older you might find that a school you loved doesn't actually suit your daughter, either because it's changed over the last few decades or just because she isn't you, and that's just fine.

TwooThirty · 16/09/2021 12:41

Having taught a few sets of twins I would say it depends completely on the children. Some would absolutely flourish by being out of each others’ space for a while, and others would benefit more from being together.

Hoppinggreen · 16/09/2021 12:44

What do they think?
I went to a Private school and always thought I would send my child there but when DD was in Y6 and we went to look round although it was impressive we didn’t feel it was right for DD so chose elsewhere.
Your daughter is not you so consider other things than where you went to school

Hoppinggreen · 16/09/2021 12:45

Just seen they are 2 so ignore the first part of my post, I doubt they have an opinion on it yet

Hardbackwriter · 16/09/2021 12:46

@ButtonsAndPearlsAndLace

The schools are very close together (5 mins walk apart) and many parents have children in the two schools. The co-ed school isn't inferior as such, I think I worded my original post wrongly! It is a fantastic school for boys but less so for girls as the girl numbers are a lot lower (due to the close proximity of the girls school). I think we will keep considering both for the next year or so
So it's basically a boys' school with a few girls? Don't send her there; either separate them or find a school that is actually mixed sex. She will figure out quite early on that you sent her to the school that suited her brother best.
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 16/09/2021 12:55

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ItsNotMeAnymore · 16/09/2021 13:55

@ButtonsAndPearlsAndLace

The schools are very close together (5 mins walk apart) and many parents have children in the two schools. The co-ed school isn't inferior as such, I think I worded my original post wrongly! It is a fantastic school for boys but less so for girls as the girl numbers are a lot lower (due to the close proximity of the girls school). I think we will keep considering both for the next year or so
Well that changes th8ngs a lot. I’d consider separate schools but what do your kids think?
pianolessons1 · 16/09/2021 13:59

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

I would always send a girl to an all girls school. You just have to look at Everyone's Invited.
Lots of the statements were from girls at girls schools, about the teachers or about boys from local schools
BrownEyedSquirrel · 16/09/2021 14:01

I'm a girl with a boy twin and we went to different schools most of our lives.
In primary, we were in the same school for the first few years but purposefully put in different classes so we wouldn't rely too much on each other and would make other friends.
We aren't particularly close now.. I do wonder if this had something to do with it.

MissDollyMix · 16/09/2021 14:04

I'd send them to the separate schools. I went to an all girls school from 4-18 and it was quite common for brothers/twins to be at one of the other nearby schools. If you prepare them in time so they always expect they are going to different schools, they won't know anything else.

idontlikealdi · 16/09/2021 14:30

Same schools different classes - headache with logistics otherwise.
My twins went to a single form primary they'll be separated in secondary.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 16/09/2021 14:35

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pianolessons1 · 16/09/2021 14:55

[quote ILoveAllRainbowsx]'@pianolessons1'

Yes, but it is much easier to do something about teachers' behaviour and it is much easier to stay away from boys if they are not in the same school as you.

I went to an all girls school and I did not have any contact with boys at school if I did not want to.

I don't know how the girls who are complaining on Everyone's Invited came in contact with boys at other schools. If it was after school, then they it would be same if they were at a co-ed school.[/quote]
most girls schools are unofficially twinned with a local boys school and they all socialise together

SaltySheepdog · 16/09/2021 14:57

Co-Ed all the way. The mix is healthy

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 16/09/2021 15:06

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