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Original poster

Private from year 3 or wait until secondary

24 replies

kalindaka · 12/09/2021 21:08

DS just started year 3 and muddles by but certainly isn't naturally academic. He finds it all so hard and I am worried the big classes are not doing him any favours.

His infant school was outstanding but half his class seem to be taught things he hasn't even covered. Now in year 3 I feel a bit worried I am keeping him at state just because i think it is better socially to go to your local school and have the all round experience I never had.

However I have no experience of state as I went to private from 3 so I am worried I have idealised state as I always wanted to go to a normal school but the reality was I was very academic and would have done well anywhere whereas my poor 7 year old would probably really benefit from a (cheap) private education.

Would you go private now or wait until he is in year 7 or will he be woefully behind by then?

OP posts:
SunbathingDragon · 12/09/2021 21:15

If he is behind now, the likelihood is that he will be stay behind or else be even further behind. If you plan to send him to an academic independent, then I’d do so sooner rather than waiting. Do they have any entry exams?

Original poster
kalindaka · 12/09/2021 21:30

I hadn't even considered if there are entry exams. It's just the local private school i went to years ago that made everyone come out with A's. It must be selective I guess?!

OP posts:
PeonyTime · 12/09/2021 21:47

It depends on the private school.
If it is a hot house to get everyone straight As, it may not suit your child.
You need to find the right school for your child - one that will help them bring out their strengths. That may, or may not, be the private school you went to several years ago.

Namenic · 12/09/2021 22:05

It really depends on the school and your child and your financial position. The school might have changed since you were there. Or maybe may not suit your child.

You could try and do some work outside school with him to catch up. This you could do regardless of what school he goes to. Some kids just need more help and practice. Regular small bouts of maths practice and reading with him will be helpful. Don’t assume the school will take care of everything.

Mummy195 · 14/09/2021 07:45

I agree with pp, you will be better off moving him sooner. He will probably get more attention in a smaller class, if everything is a bit of a struggle. The whole point of 'prep' is ofcourse to prepare for senior school (even though in your case it will be in the same school?). It may also open up other avenues if you feel your DS is not very academic, like music, sport, art, DT etc.

Since the year has already started, maybe you can see how you can help him after school and see how that goes, then take him to private next September if your local does 8+ .
Good luck.

Original poster
kalindaka · 14/09/2021 10:50

I think as he has now started year 3 and only has 24 in his class and we have just started kip McGrath to build his confidence we will probably wait and reconsider next year. Thank you for your thought provoking replies.

OP posts:
Sunshine12098 · 15/09/2021 13:49

We had the opposite, son was in a private school for infants. English fine, Maths scores were very behind.
Moved him into a small state school and his scores have remained the same . The teacher he had in the state school was amazing .
We've reached the conclusion that Maths isn't our sons strong point, we just carry on trying to work on his multiplication with him at home etc...

Sunshine12098 · 15/09/2021 13:51

Could you get him some private tuition sessions instead ?

Insertfunnyname · 15/09/2021 13:51

Yea I think you’ve idealised state. I’d move to private now as he will just be further behind by age 11

Sunshine12098 · 15/09/2021 18:02

"Idealised state " far from it. I went to an appalling inner city large primary school.

Laughingpoliceman · 16/09/2021 08:54

My private school head used to say ‘you can’t make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear’!!!!! So if you do opt private and he still muddles by, don’t blame him or the teachers!!!! Teaching is not better in state just smaller classes which might suit him!!! Or do private tutors at home which is the best way if you want A grades!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck!!!

WolfKnuckle · 16/09/2021 09:20

I have the same conundrum. Our nearby privates are competitive entry, very academic, and I'm not prepared to travel as this age. I have a younger one who is doing well.

We are going to wait a couple more years and reassess, perhaps a prep further away, perhaps move.. as it's financially a huge burden for us.

WolfKnuckle · 16/09/2021 09:23

My private school head used to say ‘you can’t make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear

True! I can't tell whether my DC are pigs or spiders at the moment.

Laughingpoliceman · 16/09/2021 09:30

@WolfKnuckle most kiddos are pigs at some things, spiders at others!!!! Problem is at academic schools they want them all to be the same and they like perfect results so they look good on paper!!! They don't want anything else. You can be bright at maths but poor at English and that isn't good enough for them!!!!

viques · 16/09/2021 15:39

24 in a class is actually a small class by state school numbers, and is not an unknown number for many private schools too. If your child is struggling check to see what support the private school offers, you might be better keeping him in the state school and supporting him with additional help eg a proper tutor.

I am cringing a bit at a “cheap” private school. The greatest cost for any school is staffing. Good ,experienced, qualified staff cost money. I would wonder where a cheap school was saving money!

Original poster
kalindaka · 16/09/2021 20:48

Sorry by cheap I meant less than 10k a year which is probably the cheapest private education I have see. whereas someone of them are obviously 15k a year and then even more again!

OP posts:
Etinox · 16/09/2021 20:54

7 is so young, the age they start in most countries- the biggest risk at this stage is losing confidence and feeling he’s dumb Sad
What’s the class size in the other school?
A typical 7yo boy would really benefit from smaller sizes.

Babyfg · 16/09/2021 20:56

Do you know why he's behind? And what additional support would like in the private school? Or is he average but you feel with the right school he would excel?

SheWoreYellow · 16/09/2021 20:58

You could always get him to sit the entrance exam and see what they say.

Embracelife · 16/09/2021 21:01

Does your private school cater for non academic child?

NuffSaidSam · 16/09/2021 21:35

I don't think the question is really state or private at this point, it's why is he struggling? What does he need to help him so he isn't struggling? And, what does he excel at?

Then make a school choice based on what best meets his needs. An academically selective private school isn't necessarily going to be the right choice even if the class sizes are smaller.

HairyToity · 16/09/2021 22:50

I went to private schools, but not selective. I remember kids who flunked their A Levels, and at 18 thinking to myself they should never have been doing A Levels. They would have been better off at the local tech college learning a skill or doing an apprenticeship.

Their parents were often lawyers or dentists, and probably believed the private schools would turn their children into something they are not.

I work 3 days a week as a Chartered Surveyor. My DH is an electrician with his own business. He employs two others. DH earns considerably more than me. DH got 7 Gcses grades B to C, but didn't do A Levels. I got 9 Gcses all grades A and B, plus three A Levels.

I know this is long-winded, but the point is I don't think private schooling would have been right for DH. He was happy in the state sector. His parents accepted him for not being academic, and didn't try to push it..... Or persuade him into doing A Levels as might have happened in the Private sector. DH grew up in a much grander house than I did. His dad had a very good job, but with three kids I assume didn't want the pressure on finances of private education. DH's sisters both did A-levels (got straight As) at local sixth form and went to Uni. State didn't seem to hold them back, or DH.

I don't think private education is necessarily going to set your child up for life, but it probably won't do any harm either. Just have a realistic expectations.

MrPickles73 · 17/09/2021 08:36

We moved dd1 in mid year 3. She was bored at the small state school. Lack of academic challenge and very little extra-curricular. I work full time and we live remotely so the usual approach of doing everything outside of school wouldn't work for us. She loved the small non selective private school. She enjoyed having more teacher attention and being more challenged.
We did the same for our son mid year 2 after I saw his school books and in a half hour lesson he was writing 2 sentences.. he's very capable but lazy...

Ozanj · 17/09/2021 08:46

Depends on the private school. If it’s a selective school then don’t waste your money if he isn’t academic. If it’s not it could be a wonderful experience for him. My DN who isn’t academic at all went to a private school where the the focus was sports and building networks. They supported him to he passed GCSEs with far better grades than he would otherwise have received, and then supported him afterwards by letting him do another foreign qualification which is less academically demanding than A Levels but just as prestigious. This ‘non academic’ child is now a computer science grad and working for Google in California on 6 figures.

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