Feel like a terrible mum now DS is in school

[ghghghghghghghgh]

Its my DS third week in reception and I've felt pretty down since he started as I feel I haven't been able to support his starting school very well.

He was in full time nursery since he was 18 months old, and did well and loved it there so I thought he would be well prepared for school. But he has been getting a bit tearful when I drop him off in the mornings which makes me feel bad enough.

But also now he is in school I feel like I keep messing things up, bringing things in on the wrong day, brought the wrong t-shirt for PE. The school called me to bring it in but I couldn't because I was at work. I work full time and also study so I have had to put him in the after school club and pick him up at 5.30, and he was crying today because everyone else's parents were picking their kids up. I never saw inside the school because of Covid and now I feel I will have even less contact with his teacher because of the after school clubs.

I just feel like a terrible mum and don't know if this is normal, I am getting upset thinking about tomorrow

Theres definitely an adjustment period for you both when starting school. Do you have a partner to share the load with?

You are not a terrible mum - you are a super working mum transitioning into a new normal. Like all of us, there will be things you forget, you may even forget to pick up your child one day and that’s ok! Many of us have been there. And you are leaving your child everyday in a nurturing environment full of caring professionals and he will grow to love his new normal too!

I know how you feel. I worked full time from the time DS was 6 months and he was in nursery full time, when he started school I went part time (I know not everyone can do this) as school and working full time just didn't seem compatible, there were so many things to attend and DS was ready for his Mum at 3 o'clock. I do think though if you and DS can push through until half term you will find he is a lot more settled and you will get a better grip on school admin things.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I have a supportive partner but he works long hours. He is not the father to my DS, his dad is not on the scene.

@Chilver

Thank you that is good to hear

You are not a terrible mum. If you were, it wouldn’t bother you 🤷‍♀️ Both my children went to nursery from a young age and one has and the other will attend breakfast and after school club.

I’m still not used to getting the right things for school and one of mine is 14

I think its a bit unkind of the school to ring and ask you to bring a T shirt in. Surely he had some kind of top on. Don't be upset. You are doing your best and there will be other working parents too - not everyone is at home all day making banana bread and sour dough models..

Thanks for the replies . He's coming round to the after school club idea because he likes the food so I think I'm going to persist!

Agree with others, you'll both adjust and get into a bit of a rhythm but it is really really hard. Covid creating a sort of distance between family and school must definitely make things harder (although on the flip side means there are fewer times where parents/carers are invited in eg for class assemblies, sessions in the classroom etc - also a guilt-inducing nightmare for working parents!).

My eldest is Y5 now and I'm much better at managing both the practicalities and the guilt, but both remain a challenge! I've so far mostly managed to either drop off (easier to arrange, less beneficial really) or pick up (much harder, makes more difference) myself, but sometimes that's just not doable.

In reception and Y1 my DS went home with a childminder which I do think was less tiring for him than an after school club... but again that's not always an option and in our case did mean a longer journey home at 6pm than the walk from school, so far from perfect.

I agree with a pp that the school were thoughtless to ring you about a PE top 🤦🏼‍♀️ it's a useful illustration of how school is totally not set up to facilitate parents with full-time jobs, which is a bit of a contrast to nursery.

@NellWilsonsWhiteHair

I thought about childminders, there are a couple near the school which are actually cheaper but they work from the small terraces in the area - rather like our own place - and I didn't like the idea of him being crammed into a 2x2 front room with a dozen other children until pick up!

I'm quite surprised at how schools are not set up for ft working parents like you say

The school should be able to manage the t-shirt thing with spares. I would expect them to ring if they haven't figured out you're not able to leave work yet (e.g. I WFH 5 mins away so could have ducked out in your situation).

He'll get used to it. Are you FT every day or could you pick up even once a week?