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Original poster

Is This Unfair Punishment for Being Late??

24 replies

suedonim · 03/12/2007 16:01

Can I have opinions on this and if you think it is unfair, help me compose a decent argument to put forward?

Dd2 is in Yr7 at the British International School here in Nigeria. The school punishes latecomers with a detention or, if it is Monday assembly, by making them stand in front of the entire school for the whole session.

This morning, because dh had to be dropped off elsewhere, (we have a driver) dd got caught in a traffic jam, which meant she was likely to be late. She called me in hysterics and I ended up telling our driver to bring her home, rather than have her humiliated in front of all the pupils.

I understand how disruptive latecomers are for schools but I think it is grossly unfair to punish a child when they have no control over the circumstances. Even dh and I are at the mercy of our driver and we can't control accidents, breakdowns etc.

So, what do you think?

OP posts:

belgo · 03/12/2007 16:03

could you not have phoned the school and explained?

CarmenerryChristmas · 03/12/2007 16:04

Yep, I would have rung the school.

Hulababy · 03/12/2007 16:05

Have you been into school about this?

I agree public humilation is not the way to deal with late comers, totally OTT. I think a dentention is too much for a one off, out of their control situatiion too.

CarmenerryChristmas · 03/12/2007 16:05

I mean that, yes it is fair if you are late because you have been smoking and flirting on the way to school. Not if it was traffic. Could the driver not go in with her and tell the teacher that it was traffic?

Freckle · 03/12/2007 16:06

That sounds totally humiliating. And a Y7 child is at an age where public humiliation can have a long-lasting effect.

I think perhaps you need to speak to the school and explain that you cannot control your driver or the road conditions. Ask if you can call them if there is a likelihood of dd2 being late with an understanding that she will not be punished.

belgo · 03/12/2007 16:07

can you bring it up with the school, get other parents on your side?

FluffyMummy123 · 03/12/2007 16:11

Message withdrawn

SquonkaClaus · 03/12/2007 16:11

agree with what the others have said. I have an absolute horror of being late, and I was expecting to come into this thread and tell you that you are being completely unreasonable, and late is late.

However, late is not late if the circumstances are completely out of your control. You should speak to the school about this. Presumably, if there was a school bus that was delayed, they wouldn't make every single child on it go through this?

Original poster

suedonim · 03/12/2007 16:26

I did consider phoning (if I could have got a line out!) but dd was so hysterical that I just wanted her home. Tbh, I didn't trust the school to deal with it fairly anyway and didn't want to take the chance.

Asking the driver to deal with it isn't possible. He'd be too intimidated at having to deal with people he regards as his superiors. Society is very class-bound here.

I don't know any other parents to get up a head of steam about this. Many Nigerians seem pretty hard on their dc so I'm not sure I'd get any support anyway. I seem to be the only one who takes her child to school, everyone else just goes with the driver. S*ds law I didn't go with her today.

On the one occasion dd has been late before she was told that the 'traffic conditions are the same for everyone' so that's not an excuse. That's a fatuous statement, of course, because traffic depends on where you live and how far you need to travel. Btw, dd left at 6.30am to get to school by 8am, 5 miles away so it wasn't a case of leaving too late.

I really like Freckle's idea of making an arrangement with the school, though I'm not sure how that would go down with them. But nothing ventured and all that.

OP posts:

LadyMuck · 03/12/2007 16:27

The problem with lateness is that it is disruptive to everyone else, and 8 times out of 10 isn't purely the direct responsibility of the child, but the parents are in some way culpable. So the challenge for the school is to find some sanction which gets the point home. At our school for example the parents of late arrivals have to escort them up to the office and waste 10-15 minutes in the process which means that there is a significant incentive to the parents to be on time.

Detention is fair enough at that age I guess. I wonder whether your dd would have reacted so strongly if just detention was at stake? That said I am very surprised that a call to explain the circumstances wouldn't have diverted the situation. Did you send her in after assembly was over? Presumably the majority of other pupils also have drivers?

Original poster

suedonim · 03/12/2007 16:30

O, lucky Cod's dh!

OP posts:

Original poster

suedonim · 03/12/2007 16:58

That sanction sounds fair enough, LM, and I wouldn't object to it. Part of the reason calling is difficult is the language barrier, I'm not sure I could make myself understood. Really, I don't trust the school at all, and esp wrt passing on a message, since they failed to ensure dd had access to treatment when she had an asthma attack.

I didn't send dd in after assembly as our driver had to be elsewhere for dh. One of the downsides to living this life is that you have to depend on other people for things. I hate not being in control!

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LadyMuck · 03/12/2007 17:10

I agree it is a pain, and certainly a large number of the Shell expats did Nigeria on a grass-widower basis - some would have actually preferred to have their families with them but for example the schools have little understanding of SN etc.

Am surprised that language is an issue - I understood a lot of Nigerians working with expats spoke good English albeit with a Scottish accent!

Original poster

suedonim · 03/12/2007 17:34

I haven't heard any Nigerians with a Scots accent, lol! For the most part the English here is very heavily accented, which I find difficult to understand and they find me hard to understand as well. For most Nigerians, English is their second language; they speak their tribal tongue first. It all leads to some very convoluted conversations at times!!

OP posts:

NAB3littlemonkeys · 03/12/2007 17:35

Could you not allow extra time?

BTW I think the punishment is very strict but I am not sure what lesson you are teaching your DD about being allowed to skive off school.

Original poster

suedonim · 03/12/2007 18:12

I'm not sure how much extra time I can leave. Our driver gets up at 4am in order to take dh to work at 5.50am so the car can be back in time for us to leave home at 6.30am for an 8am start at a school five miles away. There isn't much leeway there for an earlier start.

As for 'skiving' as you so charmingly put it, Nab, the message dd gets is that her emotional wellbeing is my priority. I wasn't prepared to have her go to school in hysterics. She knows full well she's not 'skiving'. She's dealt gracefully with living in an alien culture, away from family and friends, with being bullied at this school and being denied access to her medical treatment. If I don't look out for her, no one else will.

OP posts:

seeker · 03/12/2007 18:17

Could I very quietly and non confrontationally ask why on earth your dd is still at this ghastly school?

Original poster

suedonim · 03/12/2007 19:02

Because we don't have much choice here in Nigeria, Seeker. It's the only secondary school that does the British curriculum. Dd actually likes school and is enjoying the new challenges. It's the pastoral side that's lacking, it seems to me.

OP posts:

belgo · 03/12/2007 20:03

suedonim - difficult situation. you did the right thing keeping her home in these circumstances.

Original poster

suedonim · 05/12/2007 09:08

An update for you. As luck would have it, dd's register teacher, Ms X, was standing outside when I took her to school yesterday. I only met Ms X briefly and for the first time last week but she was lovely and very kind when I explained the problem.

She explained that children who are late for assembly have to stand at the side of the hall, not the front, as dd seemed to think, and it isn't supposed to be a punishment. Apparently, it's the school's way of organising latecomers so they don't disrupt assembly but she has taken on board that some children see it as a punishment and will address the issue.

Re the threatened detention on the one previous occasion dd was 'late', Ms X said that had been badly handled. Apparently, dd hadn't technically been late because she was in school before register was taken so a detention was overstepping the mark. When I told Ms X it was the Head of Lower School who'd spoken to dd that time she looked somewhat shocked! She told dd not to worry, she would sort it out and she, Ms X, wouldn't allow detentions for things children cannot control.

It's good to have it sorted out but really, it's symptomatic of the school that communication with parents is so bad and that the right hand never seems to know what the left hand is doing. The principal's answer to any issue is 'Well, this is Africa, what do you expect?' If he says it to me again, I shall tell him I expect to pay African fees!!

OP posts:

Eliza2 · 05/12/2007 17:57

You must feel a bit better now, no? Terrible that the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing, though! At least your daughter should feel reassured that her teacher is on side on this one.

TheIceQueen · 05/12/2007 18:03

omg - I would't expect that from an International School!!!

MaLopez · 06/12/2007 18:03

Hi Suedonim, I see things have not changed much. I went to the International School in Ibadan and if we were late, we stayed outside the school gates or beside the assembly steps so as not to disrupt assembly. The good old days. Lagos and traffic, don't get me started. In Middlesex now so a distant memory

Re communication, the school authorities generally make it up as they go along!

Original poster

suedonim · 09/12/2007 13:08

Yes, I am feeling better about it all, Eliza2. There's a Parent's day on Friday so I'm going to make my thoughts known then, though I'll need to jot a few notes down to remind myself of exactly what I want to say.

MaLopez, making it up on the hoof sounds about right! I wonder if there's still an international school at Ibadan? The traffic has been terrible all week and I'm not expecting any improvement before 2008.

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