Should I see the teacher about this?

[sinkingfast]

My ds is 5 and in year 1. He moved schools at the end of Reception and so far, seems to have settled very well into the new school. However yesterday, he came out of school very upset saying that since he'd been off sick (last week straight after half term for two days) nobody will play with him and the group he had been playing with was now deliberately leaving him out.

I went through the usual "try and find someone else" conversation (he did say he'd tried with no success ) but talking to a friend of mine later, she said she would definitely approach the teacher and suggest she had an "inclusiveness" type chat with the whole class.

TBH this hadn't even occurred to me, as I tend not to see the teacher about anything much as I don't want to take up their time whereas my friend is quite forthright about fighting her children's corner. Just wondered what the wise world of MN thought - what would you do?

Or anything else I can say to my ds? He said at the end of our chat about it "it's OK mum, I'll just walk about by myself for a bit" .

This kind of thing slays me - too many unhappy memories.

I think that at 5 they still go through phases of who they do/don't play with. I'd probably mention it to the teacher so that (1) He/she is aware that ds is unhappy and knows why; and (2) The playground supervisors can perhaps encourage other children to include ds in their games.

It's heartbreaking when they get left out, isn't it? It's one of the things I worry about with my ds1 as he just doesn't understand friendships and playing etc.

Speaking as a teacher, I'd want to know as then I could do something about it! You'd be surprised how many children that young just get used to not having another child around if they've been sick for a while. They don't really mean to be nasty (and it is certainly nothing personal)they just 'forget' that they're usually there and compensate by finding other playmates. By bringing the fact to your son's teacher she will indeed have the 'involve all' chat. Hope it all sorts itself out for you both.

Thanks CT - maybe I need to reassess my whole thoughts re what is/isn't worth speaking to the teacher about. It would be very useful to have any teachers' thoughts on this.

oops posts crossed! Thanks for that.

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Sinkingfast - oooh, I find this heartbreaking too. My heart went out to your ds when you wrote what he said about walking about on his own . I hate thinking of children being left out and it's horrendous when it's yours.

Yes, I would let the teacher know too. Like Coppertop said, you can approach it in a 'this is why he may seem a bit down and quiet' kind of way rather than a 'please make children be nice to my ds' kind of way. Or, 'just wondered have you noticed that ds is rather quiet at the moment, is he OK at school' and see what she says.

Hope this sorts out soon - my friend is going through this with her 3.5 year old ds at nursery where the children are excluding her and saying 'we're not your friend' - . My kids are not school age yet but I'm dreading those issues.

I really appreciate this - will see her later.