I'm gobsmacked, school have just rung regarding an incident involving Dd1 (10)

[nutcracker]

Apparently at break time, Dd1 was dared by another girl to lift up the skirt of another girl in front of the boys, and she did it.

I am so shocked, as that is not normal behaviour for her, she is normally very well behaved.

The deputy head rung me just to let me know about it, and to say that the school has decided not to punish her as she was very upset, but that they wanted me to know.

So, question is, what shall I do ?? She may be upset, but I am bloody fuming, as I know she would have hated such a thing to be done to her.

It just sounds like a bit of silliness tbh.

I'd tell her off, but as it sounds like she already knows she's done wrong, so long as she knows not to do it again, wouldn't make a massive deal about it.

Peer pressure? She needs her confidence building so she knows it is okay to say no when someone wants her to do something she doesn't feel comfortable with.

Oh, just realised she lifted someone elses skirt. Add on about other peoples privacy too maybe.

oh dear. I think if they have punished her at school and she's obviously upset, you should give her a cuddle.

I think if she's normally a sensible child, she's probably realised the errors of her ways already.

It sounds like peer pressure made her do this on the spur of the moment. I would wait until she gets home and talk to her about why she did it when she has calmed down. You need to talk about how she would have felt if it had happened to her. Let her know how disappointed you are. However, it sounds like she is pretty ashamed of her actions already. The school will have made her apologise, I'm sure.

same as chipbutty

stay calm. the tactic we try to use is to have a discussion based on empathising with the person whose skirt she lifted by putting her in that person's place, or to put a sibling in that person's place. even sometimes, how do you think she would feel if that sort of thing happend to her mum in the workplace. we watch kids shrink by the inches by the time we get to the 3rd example.

They haven't punished her at school. School said they'd decided not to, as they were going to inform the parents anyway.

Thing is, at the end of the day it is bullying isn't it, or am i over reacting. The girl who's skirt she pulled up, is a bit overweight and very concious of this, so she will of understandably been upset.

The girls who dared dd to do it, are quite often in trouble and dd seems to have fallen under their control for want of a better word.

If the school hasn't made her apologise, then I certainly will be.

We had a similar situation with my normally well-behaved DD recently. Agree with NAB that it's probably peer pressure - that's what it was here. DD didn't dare say no to the other girls involved and was so ashamed we barely had to say a thing to her.

If that's what it is, I'd just make sure she knows that you absolutely don't approve, and concentrate more on helping her to stick up for herself.

We have had problems with getting her to stand up to people before. A while ago she seemed to think that she absolutly had to do what a girl in her class told her, and we had words about her , just saying no, and then telling a teacher if she felt she was being picked on for saying no.

Bloody kids

yes, it is bullying and this is how 'good' kids can get inadvertently sucked into bullying another child.

I would definitely have a quiet word about how the other girl must have felt, but it sounds very much spur of the moment silliness. Obviously she needs to know it's not acceptable but I wouldn't be too hard on her.

Yes that is what I am worried about MoM.

Yes. It is bullying in so far as the child it was done to probably felt bullied. I bet your daughter would be really upset if you put that to her - maybe you should ask her if she realised that what she did constituted bullying. Make her think about her behaviour. Also ask her what she thinks she ought to do now, or what should happen. See what she says.

TBH, it sounds like playground sillyness that got out of hand, not a malicious act by your daughter. I bet she just got caught up and went too far.

Now that is no consolation to the other girl who is, no doubt, humiliated and hurt, but don't start worrying that your dd is turning into a bully or anything. I'm sure she feels awful about what happened. You need to turn that to your advantage to teach her about appropriate actions, iyswim.

It is the xmas fair today, so I won't mention it to her until we get home.

There is a chance that we may bump into the other girl and her mum, in which case, shall I say anything to them or not ??

Maybe pull the mum aside and reassure her that you are going to be fully discussing it with your dd when you get home.

Yes thats a good idea.

I agree with ChipButty and Hekate.

Rather than "make her apologise" I would ask her what she thinks she ought to do now. It sounds as though she is basically a good kid who has fallen into bad company and her instincts will therefore be to do the right thing -- and part of what you are trying to do is to get her to follow those instincts rather than what those around her are telling her to do.

Have spoken to her although it turns out there was more too it and dd had also had her skirt lifted up, but that is no excuse.

Anyway, she said she only did it as a bit of fun and because she was dared too. Unfortunatly for her, she said that whole sentance with the attitude of a 19 yr old so she has had her DS confiscated.

Have explained that it isn't fun if it makes someone cry, and that at 10 yrs old she should decide for herself what is right and wrong and not act on what others tell her to do until she has thought about it.

The teacher had made them all apologise to each other, so will draw a line under it.