School Refusal - Help!

[BeeEm]

Hi - This is my first post here so be gentle with me! (have been reading for a while but not plucked up courage till now. apologies - this may be long.
i'd appreciate some opinions about DD2. she's 9.5 and always been - for want of a better word - 'difficult'. strong willed, stubborn, argumentative, yet kind, loving and sensitive.
The last few weeks she has been almost impossible to get into school. i have to physically pick her up and drag her into school, kicking and screaming. I have not given in and let her have any time off. Her own reasons for not wanting to go is that she has a tummy ache and feels sick all the time.
She had a bug about 4 weeks ago and was sick for the first time ever which scared her. Then had a few 'friendship issues' with another girl in her class. - school good about this and has sorted it out. DD2 has said this isn't the problem. Shes got lots of good friends. Has a (fairly) normal ordinary family. No traumas. And no amount of explainations or reasoning gets through to her.
I've explained that being stressed and anxious makes you feel rubbish - doesn't believe me. Took her to the Dr this week - bloods done - all normal. Oh and she's also given up eating! anything! for days!
This morning - wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't get dressed, didn't eat breakfast, ran away and had to be bundled into the car, wouldn't get out of car, wouldn't go into school, wouldn't let go of me, had to be dragged away screaming. again.
I'm waiting for Head to ring me back! aaaarg
if you got to the end of that well done.
any ideas?

One more question from me:

What would she have to do for you to take seriously, and act on, her need not to be in school at the moment?

A child this age is not going to kick and scream across the playground lightly - she'll know that will have serious repercussions on how she is viewed in the playground jungle. She is REALLY REALLY trying to communicate something very serious to you.

I'm glad she is eating again. And reading with the other child is a good idea. But probably not enough. Perhaps she is anxious because you're out at work? My mum started college the year I got bad, and that contributed - my feeling was that I was all alone and had to fend for myself. It wasn't really that bad of course but the fear was awful.
It is such a tricky situation to be in for you especially being unable to stay home with her, but it does have to be taken seriously, and an E.P. will be able to help you I am sure. Ask the school to refer her.

Good luck! (and I'm not having a go at you at all, hope it doesn't come across like that)

..and please, do try to bear in mind that the more she senses your need to make her keep going to school, despite her fears, the more persistent they will become.
If you say 'Ok, fine love, I want to help you,' etc. she will start to relax and might be back to normal much faster. Ironically your being so upset about the idea of her being this way, is probably making it worse.

She needs to know she has unconditional love and support - not be expected to cope with something she obviously can't cope with.
I hope that helps a little x

Oh, I know the Sunday evening misery so well!

Am I right in thinking up untill now, you succeeded in getting your DD in every day? If so well done... I know it's not physically easy.

Not everyone can home educate. I tried it for a few weeks, and to be honest I was rubbish at it. I am very fortunate to be in a position where financially I don't need to work, and was able to offer it as an option to my DS. Given the choice between staying at home with me, and going to a new school, he chose a new school.

While I was still physically able to get DS into school, home education or changing shcools seemed far too extreme. Eventually, though DS's behaviour at home became out of control (tantrums, bad language, smashing funiture) and he even started to self harm, and say he wished he were dead. I began to think he would need medication to get him through life. At school his behaviour became so bad that he was exluded untill the end of that school year. That was the point I decided we needed to find a new school.

I sympathise with you, I really do, but I hope you don't let things get as bad as I did before you do something. Make an apointement with your GP APAP and ask for a refereal to a pshychologist.I think this is more than just anxiety seperation. At the least the psychologist would probably diagnose general anxiety disorder, which might cncourage the school find ways of making her day more gentle.

what an interesting thread - my ds is a refuser too. I'm going to order the book mentioned and see if I can get any tips.

I hope I dindn't sound too smug in my previous posts. I

I had the "I'm not going" this morning.
DH got him in, though, and he came out smiling, with two certificates for good behaviour. I was shaken, though, when I thought we wouldn't get him in.

Sorry, that was a rushed post.

How is your DD today BeeEm?

how are things going this term?