Secondary Private vs grammar

[frozenberry]

I am a parent who is willing to sacrifice a lot to put my dc through private school however I'm also trying to work out if it's worth it.

I'm thinking that if I save all the money in fees that's a hefty amount of money at the end. Regardless of fees I plan to continue paying for university etc anyway so that won't come into it.

I am looking at the beautiful grounds and facilities at some of the private schools and can see they are amazing however my dc is at a prep now and they work so hard they barely get time for the extra activities anyway. I'm sat here trying to work out what activities to drop as the official exam years approach and I'd rather dc was prepping. I assume this happens in exam years in secondary too. When I meet dc from the grammar school vs the local independents the private school dc always have more confidence about them but I can't decide if it's their families or schools that turn them out like this. I think confidence is such an important thing to have in life.

I know going on a feel and fees aside private would win hands down so it is a financial decision but also more a 'value for money' one. Will my dc ever get that much more. I am looking at selective independents and grammar schools. Our school has advised us dc is very bright and capable so we are heading in that direction.
If any one can add anything to my pros and cons list I'd be rather grateful as I'm struggling to make a decision on which schools to apply for.

@AlexaShutUp yes you're right. It's a shame tbh it goes on but my dc school right now has pretty much confirmed that we must ensure academics come before any clubs and to think about this before taking part in any.

Does anyone know if prep schools pick who's going to what school and you don't get a choice in the matter if they don't agree with you wanting to apply for a certain (independent) school?
Someone told me this is the case. But there's a lot of competitive mums popping their heads up recently and I'm finding it difficult wading through what's correct for not.

Of course not what nonsense!

I have 4 DCs. All did private prep. 2 passed Bucks grammar and went yr7-13 - 2 failed and went local independent yr7-13 (to two v different independent schools to meet their v different and specific educational needs)

All have done really well individually - and I am not just counting grades.

They all do loads of stuff outside school - and I agree this should be the starting point and academics fit around it - this is what grows confident and resilient young adults - being busy, being challenged, engaging with and adapting to lots of new people outside of their own social bubble.

My independent DCs did lots of stuff additional stuff outside school and didn’t use the facilities at all …. but they do get more one to one attention academically and pastorally and this has benefited them - would NOT say that the £300K post tax cost for those two was “worth it” - but I don’t regret it. If they had passed the 11+ they would have gone and there would be plenty in the slush fund for tutors and extracurricular activities - as well as a more balanced home life because this required me to work FT.

DD went to independent school at 11 as she would not have passed the 11+. She was a slow burn academically and went to a super selective grammar for 6th form. She loved the change but said that some people struggled with the different teaching styles. Also some were shocked with suddenly finding that there were lots of people just as academically able (or more so) than they were. The two schools offered different things which were right for DD at the time

Thanks @Sssloou I think on reading this thread I need to sit down and work out everything, finding this whole process quite stressful. But I'm sure everything will work out in the end. It's right now in the thick of it I suppose I'm trying to work out what's normal what's not, if our current school are just hard work or not as well!

@Stoolpigeon21 I have a friends dd who took a similar course to your dc and ended up at grammar 6th form who said she hated the grammar school and was very happy she didn't go for the whole time at school, so I am trying to listen to all the things I'm hearing, rather than simply see the end of exam grades, been a difficult year with covid trying to see schools has not always been possible and hoping things improve now.

If you take the grammar place you can move the other way back to private more easily if things don’t work out - you have 3 years to play with for GCSE….there are often places and they will find space to take your money - but you can’t move the other way private back to grammar v easily.

Yes, a few girls moved into DD’s independent school from grammars in years 7 and 8 - wouldn’t have been possible/easy the other way round. The occasional grammar place does come up in years 7-9 for reasons like this but you get a lot of applicants wanting that place.

Dd enjoyed her independent school and is currently enjoying grammar sixth form.