How do you come to terms with pre-schoolers being told things by 'friends' at school

[Twiglett]

DS is 3.8 and has been at pre-school (2.5 hours a day) since April.

His best friend (who is a year older) started in his pre-school class in September, and will be moving up to Reception in January

Yesterday after school I had

"xx told me he wasn't my friend"

which is fine, DS says it too and I just tell him to say don't be silly

But then we got

"I can't do colouring in, xx says I'm no good at it so I can't do it any more"

He's not great to be fair, and best friend is very creative .. but even so what makes a 4.5 year old tell someone else they're no good at something ...

I just said 'well xx is saying silly things, and I think you're wonderful and I want to put this on my wall' but inside I wanted to scream

Is this just where it all starts and I have to start letting go, Is there anything I can do to protect him?

Oh, twiggy, it makes you so sad, doesn't it? IME all you can do is try to keep building up his self-confidence, and instil the idea that doing your best is all you can do, and that when other people say something's no good they're generally doing it to make themselves feel better.

We have had this a lot - I'm never sure sure whether it's heredity or environment with kids like this. Some people just seem to sail through life blithely sinking others.

Maybe when the older one starts in Reception yours will be able to settle back down to doing his own thing. Hope so.

Twiglett, I think you've said it all in your last sentence. It's very sad, isn't it? Think you handled it really well, though They just don't have the social niceties at that age, nor 6, nor 7 ....

This pulls at my heartstrings Twiglett.

I think at 4 they suddenly start noticing the differences between children, and comparing abilities a lot more. Hopefully his friend will soon learn that everybody has different talents, and it's not kind to boast: I hope so.

In the meantime just keep up trying to give him a boost, praise him on his achievements, and remind him that his friend is a lot older than him, and as he gets older he'll continue to learn and improve.

have to say that friend is a lovely caring little boy and really great fun ... he's a natural leader .. I just think ds is a little more 2nd in command

so its just life isn't it?

Yep.

My dd's 'best friend' is always telling her how much better than her she is at reading, maths etc.

I just tell dd as tactfully as possible that boasting is not an attractive trait and that everyone is good at something and that everyone is different, that as long as she is doing her best that's fine etc etc. It makes you mad though and sad.

could you tell your ds that of course he can colour in - xx colours differently thats all and if we all coloured in the same life would be very boring? you could take a couple of art books out of the library to show him all the different ways - monet, pollock, van gogh etc. to get his confidence up you could suggest pretending to be different artists for a day ie. this morning lets pretend to be seurat and paint in dots etc.or take him to a gallery? then he will be ready the next time xx starts off thinking there is only one way to colour in. it might be the teacher is teaching them there is only one right way to colour in a picture which is sad really as she is bringing that to the classroom and the next generation which is absolute pants!

Twiglett-just be grateful you've not got a pre-school girl. I'm frequently horrified by what DD and her friends say to each other.

"take no notice" is the stock phrase in our house. Not particularly reassuring but after initial horror have realised that DD is justa s tactless as her friends.

Hugs to you Twigglwt, my dd 3.5yrs came home to tell me hated me arhhhhhhhh found out thats what another boy says to his mum and to others if he doesn't get his way, you can only correct them i prestened to cry when dd said it to me she was upet said sorry and hasn't said it again, but i am too suprised at how forward and nasty some children at this age can be, my dd hates being laughed at which we thought starnge as she is a great comedian but we found that she gets teased coz she will sing infront of the class and she gets good work stickers .... i give lots of hugs and say i love her lotsxxxand speak to the staff