Should I continue with the move or keep him where he is?

[pepsi]

My ds 4.7 is at a private school at present, in a reception class of 7 children. Its a great school and I love it and have no problems there. Ds is SN at present, nothing has been diagnosed for certain but he has a very poor attention span and isnt good at listening. He is however a bright boy. He was at the schools nursery previously where he didnt really join in and didnt say a lot but since he has moved up his confidence has grown which is probably down to a smaller class and a fantastic teacher. We found out last week that his has hypotonic muscles which mean that they are weak and so its harder at the moment for him to hold a pencil, catch a ball, do sport.....he'll probably never been a good sportsman in the conventional sense. He was also 50% deaf until he was 3 due to glue ear, so in fact all of his problems could be down to the hearing and his muscles.

But.....the problem is, the private school he is at only takes boys until they are 7, so he would have to leave then. We have him down for a boys private school, which is very good and is very sporty and competitive. We are not sure this will suit him and for this reason put our names down for other schools....state .....just in case. We now have a place for him to start at a lovely catholic school in January, where he will be in a class of 20. We are not catholic so we are very lucky to get into this school as it has a very good reputation, the school has 250 children in total. Our hope is that he can then settle her rather than have the upheaval of moving at 7. Our dd will also be able to attend this school. We worry if that he stays where he is and then at 7 we feel the private boys school is not suitable we might struggle to get him into a good primary school elsewhere which he is going to need. A class of 20 is I expect the best we will get. Finance isnt a problem (at the moment), so thats not an issue with which school he goes to. The school he is currently at want to have a meeting with us next week to express their worries about a move to a bigger class as they think he will simply just get lost. I had planned to meet with the new school prior to January to discuss Thomas in detail so they are fully aware of the situation. What do you think? Are we being stupid in moving him?

I think if you have to move him at 7 anyway it may be easier to do it now...The private boys' school you mentioned sounds less than ideal for your DS. The state primary will prob have a Teaching Assistant or other additional help so he might not be as "lost" as you fear.

Thats my hope, but I guess it will only be 1 TA. His current school really think he wont cope as he needs plenty of the teachers attention or else he just wont do what he is supposed to do.

Having taught at a grammar school and a state school I would say move him to the catholic school. I have seen lots of kids who are distraught, depressed etc because in their eyes they are not as good as the others.

Can you find out what additional help may be available for him at the state school. Have you already given notice on the private school anyway ? - remember their interest in him staying could also be financial (don't you also have a dd potentially with a place there ) and basically they cannot offer a long term solution anyway, so you'd face the same dilemma in 2 years time.

Definitely visit the state school again asap and discuss the situation with their SENCO, presenting any reports or teacher references you can. Ask them precisely what provision they can make. It may be that they have parent volunteers or specialist staff who could help him either in specific lessons or for sessions out of the classroom. Class of 20 sounds as good as you are likely to find and many private schools seem to be increasing class sizes approaching that too so don't get too hung up about that in itself. The alternative private school sounds less than ideal for your ds although it may still be worth enquiring about their SN provisions too in case that is overlooked in their sporty/academic reputation.

good luck

My dd 2.7 goes to the private schools nursery for 1 day a week.....today in fact, hence on Mumsnet. I sent her there because ds was there and to give me a day off! Anyway, she is due to start at another nursery, for 2 hours twice a week in March, but they also called yesterday to ask if I wanted her to start in January which would mean I would have to give notice for her as well. I gave notice for ds this week hence my rethink. My dd is really really bright and would really suit the private school they are currently at. I dont think I can have one child in state, or governor run as the catholic school is, and one in private. I feel when they were older they might question is. i have a friend who has this situation though and she says it is working out fine.

Don't get too hung up on the one private/one state thing. Unless one ends up in an awful school where they are miserable it's quite unlikely to be a big issue. I was privately educated and none of my siblings (all still in school) are. My sisters were given the option to go private at 11 and refused point blank to consider it. Admittedly we have different dads and the private thing was very much my dad's choice but I do wonder if the idea of having all siblings in the same school (although handy for parents) does mean that sometimes kids end up in a school where "they're ok" rather than optimally happy/successful. my mum has just moved my 4 year old dsis from the fantastic primary my dbro attends because although he's as happy as Larry and it's a "good school", it just wasn't the best place for her.

Sorry don't have time to read all of this but just wanted to say that of course 20 in the reception class does not mean that the numbers won't increase to up to 30. DS1's class was apparently only 20 children in reception but when he joined in year 1 he got the last available space to take them up to 30.

If yu feel, and the teacher feel that he s doing well because of the small class size they I would advise you to leave him where he is for the moment.

pepsi, don't be concerned about having 1 in state school & 1 in private. I had 2 of mine state & 2 private, then 3 grammar & 1 high school. Each of them realised that we had sent them to a school to suit THEM personally, & not "one size fits all" (we had several years with 4 different schools...). I was concerned about the one at high school but he was really happy & not at all bothered about what his brothers & sister were up to.

Incidentally there were a large number of kids at "our" private school(s) who had brothers & sisters at state schools.

(I would also add from bitter experience that private schools aren't terribly good with SN, unless it's dyslexia!)