Dilemma over Y6 - Last Term

[Freestylemum]

Hi There,

Just wondering if anyone has any advice? My DD has had a pretty rough ride at primary school regarding friendships since Y3. She is now in Y6 and only 2 weeks after returning to school (post lockdown and homeschooling) she is having troubles again. It is with the same group of 4 girls who seem to delight in making her uncomfortable, whisper and point at her, get people to laugh at her, generally make her life miserable. I have been in and out of the school over the years to try and sort out and it always subsides for a few weeks and them swiftly goes back to usual crap. I think that it is even more intense for DD because they now have to play in their class bubbles, so there is no escape to play with others in the year at break time etc. Anyhow DD has almost accepted this behaviour as the norm and tries to ignore it. And probably plays it all down for my benefit but ever now and then I am able to find out what has been going on. It is always pretty nasty behaviour.

As you imagine I feel very sad that this has persisted for so long and I feel like I have let her down. I have asked to meet her teacher this week and try and work out what options are available to her - for example is there any possibility at all she can move class? I know it might seem crazy for the last term of primary school but I know she would be happier out of this nastiness. And the other thing I'm weighing up is whether I should just take her out of the school for the last term altogether. Either home school her myself (I would have to get some time off work) or perhaps even consider sending her to a local private school for the last term. I realise I need to weigh up which option is least damaging for her (leaving her in this horrible situation if she cannot move classes or getting her to go to a new school for one term / home school her for one term).

She has been offered a place at the local state senior school (which we have accepted) and so I am hopeful that removing her from the local primary school (a feeder school) for the last term (to either homeschool her or send her to private school) will not affect her senior school place. But I have no idea whether this is a risk. Does anyone have any knowledge of this or experience themselves? Thank you!

Either option shouldn't affect her place at the secondary school, can you additionally ask them for your DD not to be in the same class next year as the girls giving her grief? Would you be willing to let her current teacher know you're looking at withdrawing her from school for the last term? Might impress in them how shit it is for her, maybe even enough to make it okay/tolerable for her till July?

Given that she has a secondary place (are the unpleasant girls going somewhere else?) and it's so close to the end, I would now go nuclear. You don't have to maintain a relationship with the school for much longer. I would say you want her moved to the other class to finish the year, that you consider this a failure to deal with persistent bullying and you will be complaining to the governors if they can't sort it.

Absolutey go nuclear. Let them know you are considering homeschooling/pulling her out altogether too.

I wouldn't start a new school for a term. If it really isn't working out I'd just cut your losses and have her home for a term if that isn't going to be too difficult for you to manage and start again in September.

Absolutey get in touch with the new school now and explain about the these girls so they can ensure she is not with them in September.

Thanks so much for the replies. All the girls in the group will be going to the same senior school, however I am able to name 3x pupils that should be in separate classes from DD due to previous issues. So I'm not too worried on that front.

I am finding the 'go nuclear' encouragement very helpful. I really have found the last 4 years so upsetting to witness, I'm very drawn to this option! I do have to play it a bit safe as she has a younger sibling that will be there for a few years to come. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement xx

You dont need to be angry/confrontational - just clear this has gone on too long and that you are prepared to withdraw your child if this can't be sorted.

"What are you going to do to safeguard DDs emotional well-being, she is being bullied via exclusion amongst other tactics and she cannot continue to endure this"

When my daughter was in year 7 she had a particular friendship issue that was making her so unhappy she was starting to refuse school, it's heartbreaking. I did say I was going to withdraw her, after a productive meeting with the Headteacher she was moved to another class, the issue resolved quickly and she made new good friends. I wish you the best of luck.

Very helpful line of questioning @RandomMess - will definitely use. And yes, now that it would seem DDs senior place is probably secure, I will let them know I'm serious about withdrawing her for the last term.

Thank you @Themadcleaner - very encouraged to hear your story x

Don't move school unless she has friends there etc and unless loads from there are going to new high school

I dimly remember that there might be rules against withdrawing a child for home education after a certain date in Year 6. I could be dreaming that, but it might be worth a quick google so you know what your options are. Also, if your DD gained her secondary place because she's at a linked school, I would double-triple check the admissions policy to make sure there's no rule about her needing to be on roll until the end of Year 6. Otherwise - good luck and hope you get this sorted .

@doomball

I dimly remember that there might be rules against withdrawing a child for home education after a certain date in Year 6. I could be dreaming that, but it might be worth a quick google so you know what your options are. Also, if your DD gained her secondary place because she's at a linked school, I would double-triple check the admissions policy to make sure there's no rule about her needing to be on roll until the end of Year 6. Otherwise - good luck and hope you get this sorted .

pretty sure that once the secondary place has been accepted, as long as it wasn't fraudulent (eg deliberately giving wrong address) then it won't be withdrawn.

Push. Hard bakc at the school to deal with it.
And while she won't be in their class in September, she will be in same school, and I would point out to the primary school that they need to break this habit so it doesn't travel up with her.

Sage advice @steppemum and @doomball - thank you. Really helpful to hear everyone's views and will definitely raise a lot of this when I meet with the teacher this week.

Reflecting on this today, I'm keen to get this sorted without removing her from the school - I want her to complete Y6 in class without a dramatic ending to her primary school experience (despite my urge to march into her class and 'remove her from the situation'). Let's see where I get with the teacher but I will push hard this time. I owe it to DD. Thanks again for all your very helpful comments x