I have no idea what to do with ds for choice of secondary school.....nightmare selection

[virgo]

We live in salisbury and there is a boys grammar school which is v highly competitive to get into and is basically an old fashioned academic boys grammar school.

Even if I coach my son like mad and he gets in I'm unconvinced it will suit him. He's not academically competetive and needs a broader eductaion.

The secondary modern (comprehensive) has been in special measures and equally unsuitable for ds. The school I really want to send him to is up in devizes - Dauntseys - a fee paying day/boarding school. However its a long journey from where we live...so he would really need to board from 11 -

would you do this for the sake of his education or move house??

Depends how he feels about boarding. He might like the idea, esp if he doesn't want the alternative of the local comprehensive.
You could start him boarding and think about moving house after he has started there.

I think a long commute every day is the worst option (as one who travelled for almost an hour and a half each way every day for 7 years.)

Will they do some kind of flexible arrangement? ie can he board for just the week days on alternate weeks or something like that?

For me, education is important, but more important is family. I would try to board a little at first, then consider moving house if you are absolutely sure neither of the nearby schools are right (or become right in the future).

how much do they 'allow' you to visit? schools are far more flexible now & could you arrange for him to board weekly & you visit once a week, so never more than 48 hours away?

Salisbury to Devizes is not a huge distance -- could he weekly/flexi board?

In the circumstances you describe I would consider this if:

(1) the school were happy for him be a weekly boarder, esp eg. come home on Friday night and back on Monday morning

(2) he liked the idea

(3) we had enough money for the cost to not affect overall family life

FWIW I suspect we will make the same decision wrt to very competitive grammar school -- dd1 is in a school of this type and loves it, but I'm less convinced it would suit ds who is bright but not outstandingly so. Our other options are good church comprehensive, with long journey, or weekly boarding outside London in eg. state boarding school or bursary for private school.

I think whatever you choose, your ds has to be onside, having weighed up the alternatives. I definitely wouldn't consider boarding for a child who was adamantly opposed. But for a gregarious all-rounder who liked the idea, it might be just the thing.

I take it you've visited the grammar school? It'd be a shame to rule it out if it isn't a stuffy as you think.

If you don't think your ds is up for the competitive atmosphere of grammar, is he independent enough to board? I think if my son were 13 I'd consider weekly boarding, but too young at 11, but that's jmo.

I've heard great things about Dauntseys! Flexi boarding sounds what you need. From what I've heard, most boys of 11 settle very well, esp. if they are into sport or other team activities.

the grammar school really doesn't seem suitbale - he's not that academic and the extra curricular stuff seems fairly limited....We need to stay in catchment though as the girls grammar school woudl suit our dd in a few years time...

I'll look at the flexi boarding option although I'm sure they have lessons on a saturday too...

have you been to see the comp?

where are his mates going?

If he passes the entrance exam for the grammar - he is bright enough to go. I doubt all the boys who attend are "competitive". IME boys change a lot during their first year at high school, and there is such a thing as rising to a challenge.

Enid - yes its not suitable - the head seems brilliant but the facilites are terrible and the results truly diabolical

What about Leehurst Swan (was La retraite) - have you looked at that as an option?

A good quality co-ed boarding school sounds pretty appealing. From the web site, I would guess that weekly boarding is not an option there.

We looked at Dauntseys for my DS, the boarding house for the younger ones (11-13) is lovely. I think they're having a boarding info evening sometime this month so could be worth you going along to that. I don't think there was a flexi boarding option although I may be wrong; also they're so busy at weekends with matches etc that you'll be back and forth anyway even if he sleeps at home!

It really looks like a great school, the only reason we're no longer considering it is DS wants to stay where he is.