DS1 is being given a nursery support worker to help with the transition to Reception as he is 'anxious' and I'm wondering about additional ways to help him

[meemar]

DS1 was 4 in August and will start Reception in January. He is a generally confident, bright child but does have issues with routine/plan change and I have posted about his 'highly strung' behaviour before on mn. To give examples:

He has to be forewarned warning about everything that is going to happen (e.g time to stop playing, time to go home, time to switch tv off) or he will be in tears and unbearable whining.

He is very self-conscious about certain things. If he is singing for example, and I comment on it he will stop and become incredibly shy.

He doesn't take praise very well - If I say 'you've done really well with that puzzle/drawing' he'll say 'no I haven't!'

He gets frustrated very easily and loses confidence (and his temper) if he can't do something first time.

His preschool and I are in good communication about his behaviour and they suggested he should have help with the transition to school.

On the upside, he is popular with the other children in his pre-school,has a good (if often poo related!) sense of humour and can be very loving and sweet spontaniously. He is also very articulate and conversational to the point of driving me mad with questions sometimes !

I'm not sure where the anxiety stems from and I am grateful for the help he is getting, but also a bit sad as I'm starting to think what could I have done/be doing to avoid this?

Any suggestions welcome x

Hi meemar

I can't help a great deal as ds is only 3 but I wanted to post as our ds's sound so similar.

I often comment to dh that praise often has the oposite effect on ds and you have to gauge his mood very carefully before using praise at all. He has always had a lot of trouble with transitions and will give up very easily if frustrated.

His moods regularly turn on a sixpence so for instance he can seem really happy and be running around seemingly excitedly when all of a sudden with no warning he will stop dead in his tracks, look very upset and start crying or whining or he may even push or hit the nearest nearby person or child with no real reason. On some days this sort of regular changes in mood happen very frequently throughout the day and can be exhausting.

We have been having a lot of this behaviour recently as he has had a change of childcare that was quite difficult. Most children would have struggled with this but ds seems to particularly need routine and regularity and changes in the status quo really do affect him badly.

He is most definitley not an 'easy' child, He is however also very articulate and loving and also drives me bonkers with questions a lot of the time.

So no advice unfortunately but I will watch this thread with interest.

Thanks lazycow - our boys do sound similar and while it's hard work, it's nice to know you're not the only one

I did worry for a while that it was because he was August born and not ready for school, but there are a lot of young ones in his class and they don't seem to be having the same problems.

I think it's just a personality thing, but it would be nice to make things a bit easier for him (and us!).

I have 2 boys who have to know in advance about what is happening. Ds2 has just started Reception.

Visual timetables can be really useful for helping them to know what's going to be happening. You can either buy them online or make them yourself. For a basic one you just need a piece of card, a strip of velcro and some pictures. The idea is that you put on pictures or symbols of what is going to happen. In the morning, for example, you may have pictures for "Breakfast", "Wash", "Get Dressed" and "Pre-School" on the timetable. Ds can see for himself what he will be expected to do next. I tend to use a maximum of 4 pictures at a time so that it doesn't get too overwhelming for him. It's helpful if the pre-school can use something similar when your ds is there. If the school also carries on with it in January then this will help with the transition.

What also helped ds2 was having a book of photos of his new school. The teacher took photos of the different areas of the classroom, the staff, and also the playground. We went through these with him several times before he started school. When we got to his classroom on the first day it was already fairly familiar to him.

If the school hasn't already arranged it, it would be good if your ds could spend some time there in advance. Maybe a couple of hours at a time for a morning or afternoon? Again this was really helpful for both ds2 and the staff.

Good luck.

Thanks coppertop

I think the school are due to hold a couple of induction afternoons this month. The photo idea is a good one too.

His preschool do give 5/2 minute warnings before it's time to do something else and he is coping a bit better with that.

I like the timetable idea, but worry if it might be a step backwards for him. I think in someways we've been trying to get him away from the dependency of forewarning, partly because we assumed that in school he wouldn't have the luxury of it. Maybe we've been going wrong there and it's making him more anxious.

bumping for anymore advice x

Hi,
My dd 4.8 months went through a stage earlier this year of having a tantrum if I praised her in any way so for a while (I've slipped back to the old ways again) instead of praising I made a comment.
Instead of saying 'Thats a lovely drawing. its really good' I say 'I like the green bit in the drawing its my favourite colour' and instead of of saying 'Well done you got dressed/put shoes on all by yourself. Thats good' I say 'Thank you for putting your shoes on yourself, it is really helpful to me.'

My dd has always required lots of warning/prompting to do things but she is getting better as she gets older.

Elk - will try that tip about commenting rather than praising.

One of his oddities is that sometimes preschool give out stickers for good behaviour, and when he comes out wearing it and I make any comment about it like 'well done', he immediately takes it off and says he doesn't want to wear it. It's so weird! I'm really hoping it's something he'll grow out of.

meemar

That last comment has made me smile. Ds will often do exactly the same thing with me. He will happily take a sticker from someone else as a reward and even smiles but if I try giving him one or if I say 'well done when I see a sticker eomeone else has given him he will also often throw the thing away and will look quite upset.

I have tried the comment thing too so in the case of the sticker I might ask 'I see you have a sticker from pre-school, I've heard they give those out for good behaviour' hat way he knows I've noticed the sticker but I am not praising him as such. That seems to work a bit better (though not always!!).

It can be hard work can't it ?!!!

Soooo many similarities!!!

Especially the praise - "I'm NOT!!!" (good/clever/done well) - normally followed up by "I Flamechick" because she seems to think that is all she can be iyswim.

We find the photobook thing really helpfull too. DS school make him one for each new school year showing his classroom, teachers and TA's etc. It really seems to help him.