Another stressed out mum...

[LoveAngel]

...trying to decide what school to send my son to!

Do we go for local state non-denominational primary school?
Pros: Small, friendly, multicultural, 5 min walk from house, decent Ofsted ('a good school')
Cons: State secondary schools in the area are crap. Not much hope of going on to a Catholic secondary if we send him here, unless we send the poor mite to catechism every weekend for the rest of his childhood (RC schools highly competitive round here).

One of the local RC schools?
Pros: Great Ofsteds, good structure and discipline, strong parents network surrounding the school, linked to good Catholic secondary schools in the area, multicultural
Cons: My husband is RC, I am not (yet, anyway...considering whether to convert). Our local parish priest is very hardcore, and getting into a catholic school involves jumping through hoops. It's ridiculously political and is already pissing me off. Going to church every Sunday, the Catholic toddler group and bible studies classes isn't enough. Oh no! There are queues of licky-licky parents trying to shake the man's hand at the end of every Sunday Mass so they get 'seen' and he will sign give prospective schools good references. Ghastly. Hate it.

A local Private school?
Pros: Excellent quality of education, lovely extra-curricular and parents network surrounding the schools (there are two of them)
Cons: Might have left it too late to get into reception as highly competitive; not very multicultural; further away than other schools from our house, and MASSIVE con - expensive. Don't know if we could afford to send more than one child to a private school, and we do want more kids...

I know some people will read this and think 'Why are you stressing so much you neurotic middle class moo?!' but my little boy is very bright, but also very sensitive and quite hyper (not actually hyperactive but definitely far more 'spirited' than most of his peers) and I just don't know how well he will fair in a bog standard state school...He is also mixed race and I feel accutely aware that as a young black boy he needs every push he can get to get a good education and escape all the stereotypes and pretty shitty path this country seems to offer young black boys at the moment...

I just wish someone could tell me what to do for the best.

Any thoughts gratefully received.

If your dh is RC and you are considering it then I would try and put up with the politics and try for one of the RC schools - seem to have a lot of advantages. I wouldn't consider private school unless I could manage it comfortably.

Seems like all your choices are reasonable ones. Have you visited the schools?

I had similar options - my son also mixed race.

Decided that I could not risk the appaling outcomes for black boys here (v. diverse part of London)in state schools.

We have no decent state secondary schools here and the primary's are fairly mediocre too.

We went private 5+ years ago. Yes it is a struggle, but worth every penny and more. He is acheiving way beyond his peers in local state schools and we have never had to worry about disruptive kids in the classroom or lack of resources.

If the local state non-denominational primary school seems nice and has a good reputation, then you could send him there - and then save to send him privately at secondary school level later on.

About half the children from my dc's primary school go private afterwards and half into the state system.

I guess you'd need to check out how easy it would be to move at that stage in your area, but certainly here it doesn't seem to be too much of a problem.

I would go for the state primary. It sounds great.

I'd avoid the yukky situation around the RC schools like the plague.

And I think a spirited boy could possibly be better served away from a private school which COULD have a bigger emphasis on moulding a certain type of child and certain types of behaviour.

i have found the quality of teaching at DS state primary to be far, far in excess of that he got at his first, private, Nursery which was part of a pre-prep.

I wouldn't look too far ahead, either; ok so the state secondaries aren't good but by that time you may be in a position to consider private school at THAT stage if it seems necessary.

oh and there's a HUGE amount to be said for living 5 mins walk from school; it is lovely to be really part of the local community in that way.

are you still in hackney loveangel?

No@hoxtonchick. We' moved to Barnet last month (sort of but also )

Thanks for replies so far - bumping to get more responses

state school 5 mins away
My dd is at similar and loving it

just lovely having friends nearby and have got to know lots of local mums

And it's free
And I get to choose what to tell my dd about religion

I think go for the non-denominational state one.

I'd go for the local school 5 minutes away. The biggest influence on your DS will be you, his father and his home life. You can provide plenty of enrichment, encouragement, focus and support without having to stress about school fees which imho, will put unnecessary strain on you and your DH because the alternative is just as good.

I'm black and my DB has 2 boys in junior state schools in a deprived part of Birmingham but because of his (and his wife's) input, they are academically and socially doing extremely well. They make sure they read books (take them to the library often), ensure they do their homework, take them swimming, to karate, play football etc. Their commitment to their children's education and stable home life means that they will definitely achieve academically or vocationally, depending on where their talents lie.

don't assume that just because school is not round the corner that dcs will have no local friends.

all my ds friends are local, despite private school being a 20 min bus ride away. Lots of local families made the same choice as us, but state education is pretty grim in inner city london.

loveangel - Barnet - lucky thing. You have some great state schools there?

Sorry I haven't checked back sooner. Thank you so much for all of your replies. I love MN and the instaant access it gives you to dozens of sensible people's opinion!

Thanks particularly to spokette. I think you speak a lot of sense, and I instinctively know that what you say is true. My DS is very lucky in that he has a fantastic father (ok, I'm not a bad mum either lol). He is very hands-on, takes him to church, football, the park, visiting relatives etc and is keen to be involved in homework, extra curricular stuff when he is a bit older. He also has a terrific family network of support on both sides of the family, and great role models in the family and our netowrk of friends. Ireally wish I didn't obssess about this stuff so much! but I do. Hey ho!

Thank you again everyone xxx