WWYD - voluntary work

[kindlingtwigs]

If you were doing some voluntary work and felt particularly inadequate (depression, low self esteem etc) and were planning to resign would you just resign and cite personal reasons or would you talk to the administrator there first?

If I felt inadequate because of something that was happening in the place I was doing the voluntary work and wanted to stand up for myself I would say something. If it was my own low self esteem and speaking out would make no difference to the organisation, I'd keep quiet.

@ReggaePerrin

If I felt inadequate because of something that was happening in the place I was doing the voluntary work and wanted to stand up for myself I would say something. If it was my own low self esteem and speaking out would make no difference to the organisation, I'd keep quiet.

Would you keep doing the voluntary work or would you resign if it was your low self esteem that was the cause?

If it’s something you previously enjoyed then it may be worth speaking to someone. They may be able be more supportive and help with feelings of self esteem. You make such a difference have I never told you etc.

If the whole set up is never going to do
Wonders for anyone and you feel depressed then cut your loses and find something else that gives you a boast and can look after yourself same time.

I'm glad I do it as I think it's worth doing but it's worth doing well and I don't think I'm any good at it TBH which is why I think I should resign.

come on OP, tell us what you're doing & how you can be certain your efforts are so inadequate that the tasks would be better left not done by anyone

Perhaps you should ask for feedback from the coordinator and how to improve your effectiveness. Is the self esteem, depression etc linked to the role and performance or projecting negatively onto it?

@ragged

come on OP, tell us what you're doing & how you can be certain your efforts are so inadequate that the tasks would be better left not done by anyone

I'm a primary school governor.

Sabotaging yourself based on your feelings of inadequacy will only deepen those feelings.

What objective evidence is there that you are not doing it well?

How long have you been school governor? It has a steep learning curve, have you been on the curve for at least a year? (local experience) There can be vested interests who only want everyone else to be rubber stampers, don't actually want true involvement, and then it's even harder to get competency.

Fair enough to quit if you think you can't enjoy it.

What are you being asked to do that you're sure you're aren't doing well?

On and off for about 10 years. I stopped doing it when my DCs left school, the youngest is still at school and his head asked me if I'd be a governor three years ago.

I just feel awkward and out of place in the meetings like everybody else is good at it and I'm not. I feel the same about my job and about my ability to be a good parent and partner too.

So you were asked if you’d do it, when they knew you and your work? Just based on that alone, I would strongly suggest you ARE good at the role (otherwise they’d have not asked you to do it!).

Is there someone you trust on the Board who you can speak to for support?

@kindlingtwigs

On and off for about 10 years. I stopped doing it when my DCs left school, the youngest is still at school and his head asked me if I'd be a governor three years ago.

I just feel awkward and out of place in the meetings like everybody else is good at it and I'm not. I feel the same about my job and about my ability to be a good parent and partner too.

Have you ever thought about speaking to someone about building up your self esteem and confidence? If you're feeling the same about the other things in your life I think that would be more important than considering ditching the voluntary work. You might still want to do that but I do think it would be an idea to work on feeling better about yourself first

It isn't usually an issue but the pandemic and lockdown has screwed it up somewhat. That and I work with a colleague who comes across as being far better at the job than I am (we do the same job in the same department).

As someone who works with volunteers, I'd say I'd really want to know. Nothing worse than finding someone has stepped back and said they are too busy, then find that something upset them.
Firstly because I'd want a chance to fix it for them if possible, and secondly to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

However from what you say here, you're almost certainly doing it really well. It is hard on zoom etc (dh is a governor) but the main thing they want on the governors is different opinions and skills and not just a load of "yes" men.

@Witchend

As someone who works with volunteers, I'd say I'd really want to know. Nothing worse than finding someone has stepped back and said they are too busy, then find that something upset them. Firstly because I'd want a chance to fix it for them if possible, and secondly to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

However from what you say here, you're almost certainly doing it really well. It is hard on zoom etc (dh is a governor) but the main thing they want on the governors is different opinions and skills and not just a load of "yes" men.

Zoom is a pain for the meetings. I'm not a 'yes' man, I know some are. I was asked to be a governor some time after I publicly opposed the previous head on an issue that was out for consultation with parents, he was looking into joining a MAT and I was against it. Now I have probably outed myself. I can't quite believe I did it but I had strong feelings.

I work with a colleague who comes across as being far better at the job than I am

Does that mean you think they are better at the job than you are or do they just appear more confident than you feel?

The pandemic has screwed it up in what way? It might not help to hear this but so many of us are in the same boat. We make allowances for other people, you need to do the same for yourself

Cross posted - channel those strong feelings again!

I feel the same about my job and about my ability to be a good parent and partner too.

Sounds like nothing will ever seem good enough to you. If you can get used to that feeling, then you have to assume that unless you are asked to leave (resign, divorce, disown your kids) then actually you are good enough. You just aren't capable of knowing that.

@kindlingtwigs if you will stand up against the head, with reasons you have thought through, not as a personal vendetta, then you are perfect to be a governor. DH would be begging you to stay on the governing body he's on.

When they are looking for a new governor they want:

1. Someone who will put the time in and won't only attend events where they can parade as a governor/meetings for them to push their own agenda
2. Someone who will question decisions and ask "why" and give their own balanced reason for their opinion
3. Someone who has a skill set/viewpoint that is not a clone of others on the governing body.

Because of number 3, there are times when some governors have more to do than others. But they all have their place. Even if your skill set is walking round the school once a term to do a risk assessment (dh hated doing that-he came back from one saying he'd thought of the best way of sorting out most of the accidents in school: remove all the children. Apparently the head didn't think the county council would go for that) then it is something that is needed, and although it seems little and unimportant then it is very much one of the wheels that keeps the school moving.