Have you moved house for schools even though you loved where you were?

[KBILLY]

I am feeling very conflicted right now and could use some words of wisdom - or at least here some "I've been there"s.

We live in the US, in a very "naice" part of a major Midwest city. It's a terrific community in our neighborhood; we have good friends a few doors away and it's the kind of place where if my kids had an emergency they could go to any house on our block. Lots of socializing with neighbors, etc. We've lived here about five years. House ticks all of our boxes, though a larger garden/more space would be nice.

Kids recently moved (before covid) from catholic (private) schools to the local public (state) schools. My kids are in year 8, 5 and 2. Local public schools are decent, but being in the city, there are lots of additional issues that any urban schools face. Lots of poverty among the kids, for a start. More issues with fighting, discipline etc. Test scores are good (for the white kids, at least) but the facilities are much more run down and resources limited. As an example - most suburban school districts were doing hybrid or in-person schooling until around December, when COVID rates skyrocketed. Not our schools - there wasn't enough money to hire additional staff to support social distancing so the schools have been closed completely since March.

It's been a very traumatic time for our city following the death of George Floyd and the resulting protests, riots and violence. The crime rate is staggering within the city. Our cleaning lady was carjacked in broad daylight a street over from us. There was a shooting at the local middle school parking lot. Stabbing at our gas station.

Between the crime and the schools, we feel that it's time to leave the city and head to the suburbs. Crime rate where we're looking is very low, schools have money out the wazoo and it shows. Terrific extra-curriculars and among the highest test scores in the country. Rationally, it makes sense. But I'm just so sad about it. So much of my identity is as a "city" person and not a mom-Jean wearing suburbanite (I'm kidding for effect, but I think you'll understand what I mean.) I love urban density and walkability and we'll be giving that up. Public transport links aren't as good (although frankly hell would freeze over before I'd let my kids on a city bus right now.)

This is such a head v heart decision. I'm really struggling. We had the photos taken for our house today and I feel like crying. My 12 year old wants to move, 9 year old doesn't, 6 year old doesn't care. 12 year old started a new school only 6 months before lockdown so she hasn't really built a core group of friends that she'll miss. It feels like a good decision for the kids but not for me ☹️

Bump

Oh lovely, that all sounds so tricky. I grew up all over the world, I feel happiest on a beach. My husband is a Londoner born and bred. We lived overseas for a bit while the kids were little, but moved back to London to give them an identity and sense of community- things I really missed as an expat. If it were just me- I’d be in Thailand or Barcelona. Definitely not zone 2/3 London. But... my girls have great friends here, the schools are great, job prospects are good and overall I feel very happy. Whenever I get the jitters about it all I think, sometimes you need to make small sacrifices in life for the the best for your family. As long as the place you want to move to isn’t AWFUL, then will it really be that bad? Do it for the kids if you think that is the best for their education and general well-being, and from what you say it sounds like it is. You can always move to the city again when they are older and you can enjoy a post Covid urban life again. That’s just my take, but I know it is a difficult decision. Best of luck with it all!

We didn't move for the school but did move after DS had been at the school a couple of years to be closer to it so he could see more friends independently and use public transport. We were rural so no public transport and are now in the suburbs. I prefer rural and we will probably end up back there when DS moves out.

I'm struggling with your description of the area you live in as naice but your cleaner was car-jacked one street over and there's been a shooting at the middle school. Maybe it was nice but now it's on a downhill slide? It may bounce back but in how many years? For me a naice area would be somewhere a secondary school child could ride safely on a bus.

Thank you so much for your responses. I understand that my description of my "naice" neighborhood sounds incongruous, @EwwSprouts! I can scarcely believe it myself. I live in the wealthiest and most expensive neighborhood in the city (not to put too fine a point on it). Yet we are also within a couple of miles of some parts of town I wouldn't drive through at night. Such is city living.

I’d move. If the suburban area has great schools you’ll find your community very quickly. And knowing your children are safe and well educated will quickly make up for what you lose.

My sister moved across the US to a place they knew no one for the great schools. It took them very little time to settle and make great friends - them and the kids. And I’m wildly envious of the state education my nephews are getting. It’s outstanding. Of course they pay for it indirectly via massive property taxes - is that something you’ve taken into consideration with the area you’re moving to?

@CityDweller Yes, good point about the taxes. Another thing that sounds incongruous but our property taxes will be much lower - by approximately 50%, believe it or not! Financially moving out is definitely a good move.

We're in inner London and considering moving out to a less central part of London, mainly for schools. Like you OP, I love city life - we don't own a car, I actually like the grittiness and anonymity and convenience of having everything at hand, and proximity to museums and galleries. I am not bothered by the crime rate in London - it doesn't sound as bad as where you are. Official numbers are high, and there is gang-related crime, but we have just never been affected and don't know anyone who is. I think I'd feel differently if I felt personally at risk.

We're fortunate enough to be able to pay for private school, but the private schools in our area aren't nearly as impressive as those further out of town, as they are built on smaller sites (due to higher cost of land in the city centre) and often have limited facilities/outdoor space. So we are considering moving to an area with better private schools. I'm doubtful whether we will fit in well or really enjoy the type of community there. But for me, the school options would make enough of a difference to my dc that I would make the move, and just grumble to myself about the various inconveniences and lack of transport/interesting places to go. I think I'd end up living there to make the school run easier but I'd take the underground back into central London all the time!

Just to update: we were due to list our house tomorrow but we had a couple of "pre-list" showings at the weekend. Believe it or not, we received an offer at full asking price and we close in early April.

I've had the odd panic attack, as well as lots of tears, but I'm actually starting to feel excited about the future as well. Thanks for all of your comments!

We made the move before dd got to school age. I don’t regret it for a second. Yes I am in a Midwest suburb that has been described as akin to living on a movie set, aka so pristine it feels fake. I don’t care because the schools are amazing. Covid brought school issued laptops or tablets for every student and all work is organized and accessed online regardless of where students are learning. Every student who needs an aid actually gets an aid. We have full-time school counselors at all levels. We have full-time school nurses. We could put dd in private school if we needed, but there is just no reason to stretch the budget because the free school up the street is outstanding.