Friends stressing about school - Most Important Things?

[UnquietDad]

Friends with a 3-year-old already stressing over her starting (state) school next year. Foolish, I know, but they have asked us for advice. So, of course, I turn here....

What's the best advice you can give?
The things it IS worth worrying about and the things it is not?
What should be their priorities?
How to tell them what to expect? etc.

Don't stress

Well, we've tried telling then that...

Your child will change a lot over the next 9 months and the teachers are experienced in handling children new to it all. Help your child prppare by ensuring they can go to the toilet by themselves (remembering to ask in time), manage simple clothes and fastenings, eat happily and with decent manners, recognise their name and take turns. Usually there is a series of sessions in the summer term and an informal parent's information session.

have they even had the place confirmed yet ?

No, don't think so

Yes, we had the informal session and one "taster" day.

standard of teaching is pretty key in my book from day 1.

The top, top criteria for me is that DS feels happy in his school.

The most important factor in enabling a child to learn - no matter what the teaching may be like!

So are they stressing about the whole idea of pfb starting school, yet to make an application and decide which to go for or simply nervosuly awaiting the outcome? Perhaps they'll feel better once they know where she is going and have something concrete to work towards.

A school that will give a child a lifelong enjoyment of lerning...make them enjoy the process of learning, and make a happy confident freindly atmosphere.

Well they know where she will probably go because they are in a particular catchment, they don't intend to move and it's OK. But, of course, there is "choice"...

if teaching is rubbish no matter how happy the kids are they will learn nothing.

I'd get them to find out what the school's settling in process is like. In my view a long part-time period is best when they're starting so young. It might re-assure them a bit too, if they know how many weeks part time will be on offer.

I agree that it will make life easier for the child if they get them able to do up coats, shoes, and toilet independently. However there is NO point trying to force the issue if the child is not ready because it'll just make them anxious. Obviously it's easier for the teacher if the kids are more independent, but if they need to help a child, they certainly should; it is part of the job.

I think they need to suss out the ethos of the school, they should feel that their child will be accepted and valued and treated with warmth and approval - just for being themselves. I agree with Blu. Happiness is all at this stage. Children learn so much every day; of course good teaching is what we want but certainly in the early days of reception kindness from the teacher, and acceptance, and a nice organised term's activities helping the children to learn to be part of a group, are all that is needed, for most.

Once you have chosen a school and they have started, try and get there early every day, if poss. It took me a whole term to realise that the reason DD was distressed when dropped off was because it was so busy and bustling in the entrance and the cloakroom and she was overwhelmed by it all, hence the tears and stress. When I started making sure we were the first she was much much happier and calmer.