Nursery want DS to see Psychologist

[Riverblu]

Hi Everyone

First time posting looking for some advice. My DS is 4 and attends nursery.

When DS started nursery i was aware my DS was not as on Par at speaking his words as clear as some of the other children as some of his words were great and some words in his speaking sounded gobbledygook lol. His nursery keyworker asked if i would allow DS to see a speech and language therapist and of course i agreed, anyway i took DS to his appointment with the speech and language therapist and she sat with DS showed him pictures and asked him to tell her what they were and what he seen in the pictures which he did and then he say and played with some toys chatting to him and he responded well to her. She said in terms of his language he is slightly behind but not greatly and suggested some activities they can give to encourage his language bearing in mind this all happened just before covid, so activities were sent out to home and i did the activities with DS and DS loved doing them and telling me what to do when it was my turn. The speech and language therapist stayed in contact to see how things were going and i felt he was dping really well she explained that she didnt feel DS needed therapy as DS was one of the best on her books. She said she would try get into nursery to observe how DS is in nursery but covid came and stopped that anyways iv always continued the activities and nursery activities and others commented on how clear he was becoming with speaking. When DS returned to nirsery after the 6-7 months lockdown obviously kids where excited to be back seeing friends and new children started. Last week DS keyworker in nursery grabbed me for a quick chat and mentioned how DS will come and sit at grouptime but looks around to to see what others are doing and appears to not be listening and easily distracted with attention. Now im thinking all kids can be known for the same and she mentioned when playing with another child they laugh , get overly excited and sometimes scream or jump when having a good old time. At home i must make it clear DS is not hyper, ants in pants over excited pr anything like that. DS will happily sit on the floor doing jigsaws lining up his cars on the race track, watch a movie or cartoons and play on his ipad with some games (educational). So i know DS doesnt have an issue of being able to sit and concentrate on things i find instead when something isnt of interest DS will lose attention.i feel at nursery DS is just happy to be there and loves being with friends but the keyworker is now suggesting a referral to psychological Services for an assessment to see what they think and maybe get DS support in school for listening and attention to keep DS on track which yes i agreed to asmi wasntrying to process this. Its being playing on my mind since and now i feel DS no matter what he does is getting scrutinised for it its described as like i have DS at home one way and put a different child into nursery. I would love to know what anyone else thinks am i being sensitive or is there something not quite right ?

It sounds to me like your DS is absolutely fine and normal. I wouldn’t be worried about this. That said, getting referrals to any services on the NHS is impossible so as someone who has tried really hard to get referrals for one of my children (they have been on waiting lists forever!) I would let nursery go ahead with the referral. If your son doesn’t need any support the psychologist will see this and discharge him. If you refuse the referral and then realise in the future he needs help it may take months/years to be referred again.

It sounds like the keyworker has framed things badly and you feel criticised which you shouldn’t! You are clearly a great and caring mum and your DS sounds adorable.

It would be better to rule any potential issues out or get support sooner rather than later. Distractibility can be age related or indicative of a potential spld . Has his hearing been tested recently ? Children do behave differently one to one than in a group setting. ds was similar to yours at home but was reticent and less socially interactive in a group - he has dyspraxia. An educational psychologist can observe and determine what, if any, difficulties he presents and suggest strategies to overcome them. Like yours he saw salt initially but concerns were put aside. Remember they see a very wide spectrum of issues and those borderline tend to be overlooked as resources are limited.

From what you have said op i don't really understand why they think this is necessary

Getting an EP refferal is a long process too

I’d go with what school are saying until proven otherwise. They see a wide wide range of pupils whereas you only see your boy.

Children can present differently at school/ nursery than they do at home. I know this from experience with my own child who has additional needs- being assessed for autism. He's interactive at home. Doesn't interact at all with kids in his class at nursery. It doesn't mean my view of him or nursery's view of him is wrong, just that the extra demands of more people, noisier environment etc put him in his shell.
I would listen to them and follow their advice. They see a lot of children. They generally wouldn't suggest assessment if they aren't very sure it's required.

Thanks for all your comments i have agreed to the assessment and want whats best for him he interacts well in nursery with the other kids keyworker has said this she stated it basically on his listening and attention what im concerned about is DS being put across to a psychologist like he doesnt listen at all or never pays attention or whatever like this reflects him at home too because at home this is absolutely not the case i jist want the assessment fair and from both sides and not just the nursery rolling home into it like that also of that makes sense if the assessment is based on what shes told me then it should be purely based on that from a nursery setting she also commented that he passed all his 3 word language steps but now struggles with it yet DS talks in clear sentences up to 4/5 words at home even with words i didn't realise he knew so surely he doesn't go to nursery and forget how
to speak ? My mind is shattered with it as a mum its just worried me like they are looking to identify him as something maybe im just overly concerned and sensitive the whole nursery changed also since lockdown instead of going everyday its all changed to in one week off the next hes very socialble even when out and about so i dont worry that way and he tells me of what he does at nirsery and with what friends he played with.

I am going to get a hearing test booked for him he passed his hearing at birth and and just before covid passed his eye test.

Getting involvement from an Educational Psychologist is very difficult and they would not be prioritising your child if they did not think it was necessary. It may be the EP sees him and has no major concerns, which is great, but it is very rare that a setting refer a child who has no needs.

I’d go along with what nursery was saying and have the EP assessment to rule anything out.

I taught a boy who was “fine” at home but much like your son in school with the added sadness of him not having a single friend at 4 1/2. A year later, he was a different child, happy, confident and popular and no longer looked to others to know what to do. It turned out he was profoundly deaf in one hear and had some hearing loss in the other and it wasn’t detected. Very similar has just happened to my friend’s eight year old who has struggled in school and been kept behind two years. She has been under CAMHS with little success (on the school’s insistence) and in the absence of SEN they’d been assuming something worrying was going on at home as she was a different child in school - withdrawn, lacking in confidence, struggling to follow verbal AND written communication and “speaking in a babyish tone” (I’m so angry about that one).

The assumption was that it was SEN or abuse at home. Nope, she has no hearing in one ear and is extremely short and long sighted. Only just discovered before lockdown. She’s absolutely thriving now. She “fooled” everyone as she’s very musical, excellent rhythm, loves dancing and singing to music etc. She’d been following the vibrations and beat rather than being able to really hear the music. And getting words wrong due to her hearing not her “babyish tone” or poor reading skills.

Good that you’ve booked a hearing test and that his sight is normal. In the meantime if he DID have SEN it’s better to know sooner. There is zero harm in an assessment but lots of harm in being overlooked long term.

Our DS was referred to an EP when in nursery, he had regular input from a SALT as well as a consultant. He had sight and heating tests and occupational health sessions. Took about 18 months before he was diagnosed with ASD - we were devastated at the time, as his behaviour we had just put down to funny quirks and mannerisms. Only good thing was that it did open up a lot of help for him from the SENCO, which allowed him to thrive in mainstream school.

You're doing the right thing getting the assessment, hopefully all is well for your DS. Good luck x

Hearing not heating tests 😂

Nursery see a lot of children of that age and will know that there is a big range of typical behaviour - however something about your son’s behaviour is making them think he may need extra support at school.

It’s great that nursery have noticed this and are being proactive at seeking any extra help he may need.

Try to see this as a positive thing for your son and not a criticism.

The nursery don't gain anything from your child being diagnosed, they are just looking out for him and clearly seeing something that is at odds with the norms for his group. I'd say go along with the assessment, will do him no harm. If the psych doesn't see a reason to diagnose him then they won't do it.

You should get the opportunity to complete a questionnaire and describe your ds behaviourvat home as part of any assessment. There may be aspects of your pregnancy, his birth and development which are relevant to building up a fuller picture, alongside the ep observations and nursery input.

An educational psychologist will assess him and see where his strengths are, where he is struggling, and then recommend any provisions or modifications needed to support his learning. I would have bitten their hand off if we were offered this at this stage - my twins are autistic and non verbal and I had to make EHCP applications to get them assessed. It’s great that they are taking initiative to support him even though his needs might not be extreme - this is wonderful, not something to be worried about.

I might be picking you up wrongly but it sounds like you think a psychologist is someone who treats someone who has something 'wrong' with them. In this situation, that's not the case. An Educational Psychologist is someone with special interest and training in how children and young people learn. They'll assess your DC, but more importantly they'll work with the nursery or school setting to put the right things in place to help them.

So for example, for a child who fidgets a lot they might say 'have you thought about a wobble cushion or a fidget toy?' Some nurseries might already be all over this sort of thing, others won't be so they are basically the expert.

Where I am, EPs can't diagnose any issues but they might suggest a referral to a GP or paediatrician. Also in my area it's an 18 month waiting list to see one and they are like hen's teeth!

So basically: don't worry. This is supposed to help.

@Seychelles98 his keyworker did mention it may be a case of maturing a bit slower and could be a case nothing is found but at least if he needs support in school to keep him on track with his work x

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett hiya sorry if i came across like that defo wasnt the intention and certainly not what i mean he has had a wobble cushion but no longer require that as his keyworker has said he will come and sit with the group he jist gets distracted looking around at what other children or groups are doing or wanting to touch things in reach of him which i totally understand i know as far as story books especially he loses the attention quickly he enjoys dancing and singing and playing outdoors at nursery and has recently became really interested jn the creative side of nursery painting pictures, building things, making biscuits/soup and enjoys group activities when it comes to putting them into action i think he just gets lost when it comes to just listening to someone talk he would rather be doing something if that makes sense. He loves watching movies, cartoons, doing his jigsaws and playing with his cars and garage and hes very affection and loving also hopefully just a case of ruling anything out and getting the support he needs for school if needed.

Im overwhelmed at everyones supportive comments i think its just been the unknown on my part and maybe a sense of guilt like have i not noticed something but as some have said he can be ok at home and just struggle with somethings in nursery.

So glad i posted this today feel i just needed advice and experiences from others as i was totally in dark of the process and what is involved

I'd be quite grateful that the nursery is taking this much care. There are aspects of what you say even about how your son is at home that suggest possible issues, so even if the assessment just rules these out that will be a plus.

@MaryLeeOnHigh sorry im a little confused what possible issues about what iv said about him at home?

I think it's best in his interest to take any help he can get. It would be better to rule out issues rather than wait it to become problem later. If he can concentrate when he is interested at home, but not when surrounded by others in nursery, it could be a problem when he starts school. It could be nothing, just needs maturing, but then no harm done. But if he needs help, earlier he was referred better support he can get sooner.

They see lots of kids - they wouldn't recommend it if they didn't think it necessary. When my DD was at nursery there was a child that was clearly in the spectrum. The nursery kept telling the mother they thought she should be assessed but the mother was adamant there was nothing wrong. By the end of primary it was clear she was severely autistic and the mother accepted that she needed special help. Sometimes us Mothers don't see things because we don't want to and it takes an expert to intervene - I think it's even harder to judge if it's your first child