Violence at school (2) - Advice needed

[Snugs]

Hi all, hoping you wonderful lot can offer me a little advice.

I am concerned about a child in ds1's Reception class at school. This boy is showing violent tendencies towards many of his schoolmates, but seems very adept at only doing this out of sight of the teachers.

DS also attended nursery with him and often came home upset after a punch or smack. On one occasion I actually witnessed this boy attempt to throttle ds whilst banging his head against a wall. I physically dragged them apart and took the boy to his mum (who had watched the whole thing without reacting) and complained but she laughed it off as 'just playing'. On more than one occasion I had to speak to the nursery staff and ask them to try to keep the boy away from ds.

I have now discovered that this boy comes from a somewhat violent background. His dad apparently regularly hit his mum, they have now spilt up as dad is with another woman; mum is due in court for affray after wrecking this other womans house. I feel sorry for the boy - he probably doesn't know of any other way to react.

I have spoken to other mothers in the playground and if they ever mention problems, this boys name always seems to be mentioned. Yesterday an older child told me that the boy had made both ds and his best friend cry at playtime; the best friend has an horrendous scratch right down his face. Today, for the first time, ds didn't want to go to school - 'because X will be there'

My problem (at last you all say) is that this morning I spoke to the class teacher, mainly to make sure that she was aware of what was going on, and I really feel like I have been given the brush off. She basically said that they were just playing and insinuated that I was overreacting.

Should I let it go at that and just see how things progress? But since this boy has already tried to throttle ds once, what will he do next time given the chance! I don't want to seem like an over protective mum and go running to the headmaster over every little thing, but surely the teacher should be reacting with a little more concern than this?

Sorry for the waffle ... and thanks in advance for any advice.

Snugs - have other parents complained about this boy? If there is more than one of you complaining they might find it harder to ignore.

I definately wouldn't let it go though if it is making your ds not want to go to school.

Snugs, I agree with Batters. Try the teacher one more time and then go to the head. You are not over-reacting. I don't have school-age children, but this is one of my worst fears for when they start.
How many times have we heard children say that bullying is ignored by teachers? IMO, too many playgrounds are free-for-alls for thugs and our children spend too much time learning how to dodge anarchic situations that they won't even have to face in adulthood.

snugs you are not overreacting - I agree with other comments here, give the teacher one more chance for a prompt sit-down talk - if the teacher expects you to wait more than a day for such a talk, I think you should go to the head/pta/council...whatever it takes!

snugs, I, too would be concerned with the teacher's brush off. How well does she know this boy? Not trying to excuse this but it is only a few weeks into the new term so perhaps she is still feelng her way with him. You, however, have known of this boy since nursery as well, so have built up a picture of him. I take it the nursery is not attached to this school?

I would definitely see the teacher again soon and say you are unhappy about the general level of playground supervision as well as what has happend to your son. This boy might not be so awful underneath, but he obviously needs a firm hand at the moment. How come such a small child can repetedly do violent things away from the eyes of his teachers? And tell her you are considering going to the head if there are repeat incidents.

How about keeping a diary about this, so if you have to take it higher, you have names and dates.

Snugs, definitely keep at it about this. Not only will it benefit your son, but it could benefit this boy as well - he obviously isn't getting supervised adequately at home, and someone taking a firm hand at school might be very good for him in the longer term.

Snugs, it has all been said really, can't offer better advice but you are not overreacting. Don't let it go.

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Many thanks to you all.

Tigermoth - sorry I should have made it clearer .. the nursery is attached to the school so the Reception teacher SHOULD be well aware of what has gone on previously, but I don't know how good the lines of comunication are.

Whellid - I know other parents complained during the nursery term, but I think I am the first to step forward and speak this term. The trouble is, I suspect many are wary. The more I hear of the mothers reputation in the area, the more I worry too. Apparently people who have crossed her in the past have had bricks hurled through their windows.

robinw - glad to hear your ds is now happy at school. Thanks for the web address - will have a look now.

Snugs - try the Kidscape website too. www,kidscape.org.uk. They have loads of info on dealing with bullying and keeping children safe. Don't let it go, this is serious. Best of luck, will be thinking of your little ds and you.

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