Would you send to private school?

[Twilightstarbright]

This isn't an ethical debate about private schools.

We are expats and our education options for DS are limited- state school which is good but large class sizes (30-33) and no TA, just one teacher per class. Other option is a co-ed private school with 18 per class, one teacher and one TA per class.

DS is a July born so one of the younger ones. He has some development delays, not enough to warrant a diagnosis/plan but unanimous agreement from the paediatrician/physio/speech and language therapist/his current nursery that he is about 6-12 months behind his peers.

We can afford private school although it's a lot of money, and I feel like DS might benefit from the smaller class sizes?

I think you've just answered your own question. No benefits to the State option from what you've written

I honestly think a lot (NOT ALL), of private schools don’t “like” enrolling SEND children.
They’ll tell you it’s fine, but it really isn’t. (Especially with senior school, which obviously doesn’t apply in your situation, but it’s something to consider).
I would do your research VERY carefully indeed, talk to parents if you can and not take the school’s word for it.

Does the state school have the abaility to tap into additional support for your DS? How do they support other DCs with additional needs? Different systems do things differently.

Again with the private school, what additional support do they offer? Small class sizes arent automatically a better option if the child is still not getting the right suport.

Is there a language difference to contend with?

How long have you lived where you are now? Will attendance at a different school have social impacts such as arranging playdates with younger children and just hanging out when older.

I am a teacher and have worked in 4 UK state schools and am now in my 4th private school. I can tell you categorically, that while state schools do not offer much help, they offer a LOT more than what private schools will offer. Even the very best, unless they give you specific information about SEN provision, will have very little support in place. My own daughter was SEN and the tutor we used privately had far more private school tutees than state, because they were getting less help than state school students.

The advantage as you have said is smaller class sizes. I currently teach in Switzerland and my largest class is 5 students. I have a dyslexic student in that class, and of course, she is able to get a lot of 121 help. I'm not trained but as an older teacher have a lot of experience helping SEN.

Thanks everyone. He doesn't have SEN, he's just a bit behind according to the specialists, so no ability to access any additional support.

No language barrier, and the parents I've spoken to are happy with the school- only know one person who's child is dsylexic and she said she felt he was well supported. Another parent said they like that all children get a chance to shine- taking part in activities etc not just the same few. We are new to the place though and these are acquaintances so hard to trust what we are being told.

I feel that I've read on here that very bright motivated DC will tend to do well regardless, but a more middle of the pack child can do better in private school. No idea if it's true.

DS is very sociable which helps. He's at a preschool but each of the children in his class are going to different schools or moving abroad again.

Are you really sure that there will be no TA in the state school? That sounds really unusual to me.

@Crumbleweed yes, we aren't in the UK. The only TAs are dedicated 1:1 support for SEN children. DS doesn't have SEN so wouldn't be eligible for one.

I think it sounds like your DS would benefit from the smaller class sizes and would get lost in a class of 30. I think that, with the best will in the world, a big class with one teacher can only cater for the middle of the class and not the outliers.

It costs a lot of money to put a child with SEN through private school. You have to pay for all the extras they require on top of the standard fees. If you child needs a TA state school will provide him with that as they did mine. My daughter had a TA that was taken from somewhere else in the school and she didn't have EHCP.

My child has SEN and is in a private school. They are amazing and he has lots of additional English 121 and small groups sessions for free (or at least not additionally charged for). If he had been in state he would have been lost and there are quite a few in our school who came over from state where they were fed up of having to fight and push to get the support their children needed. Obviously this is just my experience and not indicative of all state and prep schools.
For me, your biggest decision really ought to be whether to go to an all through school or a prep and then secondary. At secondary level you have less choice with SEN kids as they effect a schools results - and private secondaries are usually quite results driven) . It might be easier to send him to an all through school to take the additional pressure off

Yes, without question.

Yes he will benefit by being in a smaller cohort where he gets more attention from the teacher. In private schools (in my experience) teachers work with parents to support children who are a bit behind.

Also being able to participate and do well in music, drama, games etc with his school cohort will build his confidence and help him catch up.

100% if I could afford it. I'm waiting to finish my degree abs then he can go back to his private prep school for year 7.

It sounds like one of the uncertainties is whether your son's current delays are potentially going to catch up with a bit of time and maturity, or if they are likely to become more significant as he gets older.

In the first instance, the private school may give him the best chance to catch up and develop skills at his own pace, then be ready to fly.

In the second instance, he may need and become eligible for more support when he is older. So the private school might not be best in the long term. I suspect though that it may be a good option to start out in a smaller and more supported environment.

Finally, as a summer born does he have the option to stay at preschool an extra year? How rigid is the system where you are about ages?

Thank you everyone. I wish I had a crystal ball to know if he's just a bit behind or it'll develop into something else. My dsis is severely dyspraxic so.i know how hard it can be if they aren't diagnosed early.

@Pythonesque very rigid unfortunately. If we were in the UK I'd defer him for a year.

I put my DD into private school. She doesn’t officially have SEN but we have been advised that if we did have her assessed she would score for adhd. The first private school she went to was awful because her behaviour was a problem and the classes were so small (12) she stuck out like a sore thumb. This year she moved to a bigger private school (22 in a class). The school has a much better ethos where no one is singled out as a problem and she is a completely different kid there.

We chose private because we knew her behaviour wouldn’t work in a state school class of 33 - but we’ve learned that there are lots of different private schools.

Before you choose you need to get right to the bottom of the school’s ethos and approach to getting it right for every individual kid. Find out how they will support your child in and outside the classroom. What kind of thing does the head teacher say? For me this was where the biggest difference was between the two private schools - her new head told me that the children’s happiness was his main priority. And my DD is now the happiest I have ever seen her. She’s thriving and doing really well academically and behaviourally.

I don’t agree all private schools will not provide support. My ds with ASD & dyslexia was completely ignored at his (very well regarded) state primary. His achievement was good enough in a big class to not warrant anything extra.
Moved to selective private for yr3. They were flexible enough to take his dyslexia into account during the admissions. He has had 1:1 English 3x a week ( no extra cost), ASD social skills group, more nurturing flexible approach and way more interesting curriculum.
Private needs to be considered depending on the individual child and local school options, IMO.

I would look into deferring them a year first of all.

@Didyousaynutella there is no option to defer where I live- I'm not in the UK.

I think I would go private. At least for the moment. Do you know how long you'll be in the country you are in now?

The last thing you want is him falling behind and then moving schools as well. Better to start with the support.

OP youve had very good advice so far.not all private schools with take children who need extra help- check that out first. Our DC are at a private school that offers a lot of support to SEN children, but charges for it all. I know of one family who were paying £24k on top of school fees. We have experience of awful state, amazing private and awful private. You have to go with your gut, and accept that sometimes you get it wrong.

My July born DS got very behind at the local state school, he just wasn’t understanding what was going on and because he wasn’t acting up he got overlooked in a class of 30. Eventually I put him in a private school and he is thriving. It is a very nurturing school though, unlike the pushy private school I went to.

Thank you everyone. One parent I spoke to said they have been very supportive of her DC's dyslexia at the private school, and a couple of other parents have said it's very nuturing and encourage all the children to take part in everything- so school plays are about who wants to do it not who is best. There's another school I'd already ruled out as they ask the less academic to leave very quickly.
@dalrympy no immediate plans to leave, I think one day we'll return to the UK but night be for secondary school rather than primary.

*nurturing