DS1 assualted at school, how would you hadle this?

[curlywurlycremeegg]

Advice please.

DS1 is 12 and has aspergers syndrome and is mainstream high school with full time special needs support. Yesterday I got a call from the school as when he had been queing in the dinner hall another older pupil has pushed in front of him and DS had told this kid to get to the back of the line. They argued about it, this kid hit DS, DS hit him back and was then knocked to the floor and this kid punched hime several times. A member of staff pulled this child off DS but him managed to stamp on DS's head before being pulled off. It was hard enough for him to need to go to a&e and the school think we should be persuing this with the police.

However today I find out that this kid has been excluded from school today but will be back in tomorrow as the have to folow the government guidelines. I have been told that this child had attacked other kids before and he actually hit DS previously but this was out of school.

Am I overeacting about being apprehensive abouts sending DS1 back to school whilst this kid is there? The school say he isn't the sort of kid to hold a grudge (DS is worried that he will be attacked again as he has "got this other kid in trouble") but having already been attacked by him twice in 3 months doesn't make me feel like DS1 is really going to be safe. The school seem to be of the philosophy that "life's like that" and he has to go back and try again. I on the other hadn don't want him becoming distressed and upset and dreading school.

If I don't reply to any answers straight away it's because I am busy seperating the thre DC from each other!

Thanks

Why has this kid been excluded for just one day?! My DS "stole" something from school and got 5 days- surely attacking someone is worse?!

I would go to the police, because it is assault, and would also contact the school and demand they take it further. Maybe go to the Governors? Life isn't "like that" as the school are saying- if you got attacked at work or in the street you wouldn't just let it go.

No you aren't over-reacting, School is where you are supposed to be safe

Could you go in and have a chat with the teacher or the head, that's what I would do.

I used to work as a T.A. and I trained in a special school who has lots of students with SN inc AS. The T.A's at this special school covererd something called 'Circle of Friends' where the child receives support from 'his' circle of friends. Forgive me but I can't really articulate/remember the full details but the child chooses who he wants to be in his circle and the children will agree to support the child. Look it up on the internet and maybe approach the school?

Where was the full time support when this happened?

Re the attack, I would approach the school first because you ds may not want to create a big drama(even though it is ) because he will have to deal with the fall out. Tough one isn't it, you want to protect him.

With the 'circle of friends' for instance, I think they approach the other child and ask them how they feel if their circle of friends were to dissappear and then the child realises what can happen.

I'm surprised that the school is urging you to pursue it with the police. Normally schools will do anything to keep the police out of it.

This therefore suggests to me that the school is perhaps hoping that the police will take the problem off their hands. This boy has attacked several times and has had previous punishments, which clearly haven't worked. Maybe involving the police is what is needed at this time.

DS2 (11) was attacked by a boy in his year (Y7) and the boy was immediately suspended for one day (according to the mum of a boy in his class, it wasn't his first suspension - and this is within 3 weeks of starting secondary). I thought that was a good reaction on the part of the school as they are normally reluctant to suspend/exclude.

I can understand why the school want your ds to go back. If you pull him out or let him stay home, he may learn that staying away from a problem makes it go away. It doesn't; it is still there when you go back.

Why don't you speak to the police about this? It sounds as though the school would support you evidentially.

go to the police. i am a teacher in secondary. that is what i would do as a parent myself - the swing for me is that he had to be taken to A&E.

don't worry about 'future trouble'. future trouble is more likely to come from the fact that other kids may begin to sense that the bully got away with it.

as a teacher, i have also gone to the police on a serious racial harassment (in and o/s school) by students as the schools pretty much had their hands tied by gov't policy. tell you what, making it a police case sure stopped te racial harrassment!

If kiskidee is a teacher in secondary and she says go to the police, then I'd probably go with what she is suggesting.

I think you are given an incident no. and you can follow it up,the head stamping was bad..

Good luck ok.

Thanks for all your answers

covenhope apparantly one day is all they can do then back into school and on report and close supervision

cheeset thanks will look up the "circle of friends" have spoken to a few teachers today and they do know how I feel, I guess my concern is overwhelming as although DS1 is a bright kid educationally he really struggles with mainstream school beacuse of the noise, crowds and the amount of social interaction needed.

darthvader unfortunatly full time support means support within the classroom and the LEA won't fund for any more than the hours he gets (that is DS1 gets the most funding that any child will get in our LEA) and this doesn't cover breaks etc, there are places for him to go such a ICT suite but obviuosly he is a human being and needs food to survive so was queing for his dinner at the time, makes me so that the LEA can't see that this is a vulnerable time for many kids

freckle that may be why the school want us to involve the police, one of the pastoral team i spoke to today said they wern't allowed to report an incident, the parent must do it but they felt it was serious enough to need reporting.

kiskidee thanks for that, it is such a shame that the teaching staff can't do something when they see it occuring and the parents who weren't actually involved in the incident have to try a piece together the story to give the right picture.

agree that police intervention will ratchet up the pressure on the offending boy as well as his family as it will be a case of assault or ABH I imagine. What did the Docs/triage say at A & E ? the school can do very little here but the cops can do a lot more. Do it.

Hi my mum is a teacher at a secondary school and has witnessed acts like this and had to report back to the head and governors on numerous occasions regarding a terrible bully in her school. However even though he has been suspended numerous times it is now very very difficult for a school to get a child permanently excluded from any senior school. The school are probably asking for you to take this further so that the school can get rid of this child.

As a mother of two children, including one who is at this moment in time being bullied (he is 8) I would not hesitate to go to the Police and report him. No one should EVER be attacked within a school environment let alone what happened to your poor son. I cannot believe that his poor head was stamped upon, I am so shocked.

Huge hugs to your son and I wish him well at school and hope that Police action sorts this terrible situation out.

CGM x

I think you should report it to the police as well.

My ds got into a fight last year, he only punched the other lad once, but unfortunately broke his sternum and the lad had to go to A&E.

The school gave both of them a 2 day internal suspension (ie no contact with anyone).

My ds was told if anything like that ever happened again (ie in next 6 years), the police will be involved and he will be permanently excluded.

And quite right too.

My ds is now extremely careful not to get rough (tho' all they ever seem to do at lunchtimes is bulldog, takedown etc), so it's certainly done the trick.

def. go to the police - you don't need to make a formal complaint if you dont want to, but isnt tyhere a community policeman who you (and son) can talk to? My DS1 was attacked outside school in yr7 and we gave the attackers' names to the policeman and told the school we had done so. Re suspensions - 'the school doesn't see why the attacker should have a day off!' Also exclusions cause the school to be fined!

i think the school cannot make a police complaint on your son's behalf eventhough they are in loco parentis. but hey, you are the parent and they seem to want you to do so. if my child was kicked in the head, a whole new set of rules start to apply for me. think mama bear.

curlywurlycremeegg, I just looked on google and AS is linked to 'Circle of Friends' did you see it?

my ds1 has AS (amongst other things) and finds the dinner hall very tricky to deal with - his school has now worked out a system whereby he goes to the Learning Support unit for the first 15 mins or so of lunch break, then his assistant takes him to the head of the queue so he doesn't have to wait in line, then he gets his lunch, eats and then either has clubs, swimming or learning support to go to for the rest of the break - seems to be working so far, but it is quite labour-intensive for the staff

Thank you everyone, police now involved and DS1 may go back to school tomorrow but is a bit anxious about it, I think he does need to go back before half term though as two weeks off will make it even harder to go back

good luck. What a horrible thing to happen.

Let us know how he got on?