Moving to private at different stages

[PlentyofButter]

We moved DC1 to private in Y3, at state previously but there was lots we were unhappy with. She is now in Y8 at the same independent, very happy and doing well. We had always envisaged doing the same for DC2 however she is now Y1 at a different state primary, very happy and also doing well . She is a different child to DC1 and I am not sure if she would find the pressure of the independent too much at the moment. Her current primary is a 10 minute walk from our house and much better organised/ teaching than DC1s old primary but undoubtedly the independent offers more. I feel that it is fine to keep her here until she would leave to go to secondary then transfer her to DC1s independent then as well as look at any others she may be interested in. DH feels this is unfair and she will feel we prioritised DC1 education over hers in years to come. Thoughts?

I completely agree with you. Why move a child who's happy and thriving? You already are doing your best for her.

And your older daughter is so many years ahead anyway - it wouldn't be reasonable to insist you follow exactly the same path for both when circumstances and personalities are so different.

However, when you say the independent school "offers more" - presumably these aren't things your younger daughter needs right now, or you'd be moving her. If you mean extracurricular things - could you investigate sourcing these activities outside school?

FWIW I'm not convinced of any huge benefit from independent school itself at yr 1! Unless avoiding an awful alternative or needing feet under the table for transition to the next stage.

It sounds as if you and your husband would both notice if the current school stopped meeting her needs.

What do both your daughters think, btw?

We moved ours at for year 5. I don’t think years R to year 4 differ wildly in what a child does.... but I did feel the extra curricular kicks in far more when they are 10 so benefit from private in that regard. They are old enough to join in (matches , concerts, plays etc) that before then they are too little to fully enjoy. If the academics are going fine, I wouldn’t change even if I had with an older sibling.
I would make sure by year 7 they are both having the same opportunities however.

Could you ask your DD2 for her input when she gets to Y3? Quite a lot could change between now and then in terms of her progress and enjoyment and also her understanding of needing to move on at some stage.

If you wait until year 7 to move is there a chance she wouldn't get a place? Many schools guarantee a place to children who are already there irrespective of the entrance exam results.

How often do places come up at the indie? Would it be easy to move her as and when you decide or does it need to be at 7+ or 11+?

It might be worth talking to her. She might be wondering what will happen, in the knowledge that her sister moved. If so she’s likely to have an opinion on whether she wants to stay put or whether she was hoping to join her sister! Might be helpful in settling the debate.

I know a few people who have made different choices for different kids. One family moved their y4 into private because he was desperately unhappy at the large state. However his sister in Y1 was very happy at the state and hated the idea of the small year group in the prep and moving from her friends. They've kept her in state and won't move her unless she becomes unhappy.

If they are very different children, are you sure that the indy is the right school for her anyway?

I think it’s difficult - I do know adults where this is a cause of resentment because only one dc went private

I would take her to an open day or even better a taster day to see how she likes it. This is what I did with my youngest and even though she was happy at her school, when she had the taster day she became very keen to move.

Conversely the taster day could mean she doesnt like it that much and that would help the decision making. This is what we did anyway!

We were in this position with my two, my youngest was doing brilliantly in the state school and was devastated we moved him out. We didn't need to do it, but we did it to treat our children the same. In hindsight I wish we had left him where he was, I was just worried about the pressures of the 11+. I would leave your child where they are happy.

Can you honestly say the opportunities will be the same? For infants the difference probably won’t be massive but most preps from y3 onwards have a vastly superior offering for music and sport, better facilities etc. I don’t think I could put one in state and one private. I also would never allow a 5/6 year old input into a decision about schooling. They have no idea about the potential implications of what they are missing out on or not.