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Original poster

first parents evening tonight......had me in tears.......

21 replies

Titania · 18/10/2004 18:53

Every piece of work I saw had 'ds needed a lot of help with this' or 'ds couldn't do/struggled with this' written on it.....the teacher said he finds it difficult to sit still or concentrate for long.......

But the teacher said to see how it goes for now....still left me in tears though and feeling totally gutted and guilty.

OP posts:

coppertop · 18/10/2004 18:57

Oh no. It seems odd that she would give you so much negative feedback without actually giving you any advice on how to help. So sorry you've had such a bad time of it.

I could be wrong but don't ALL reception children find it hard to sit still for long???

Lesle · 18/10/2004 19:01

Oh Titania, sorry to hear the evening made you feel that way. I'm sure that wasn't the intention of the teacher.

How old is DS? If he's just started school then it's very early to make any judgements about how he's going to do.

Try not to feel guilty but focus on some positive things you can do to support DS. Have you talked to him about how he's getting on at school? Perhaps there are some things he struggles with that you could help him with. But remember that kids develop at such different rates.

And definitely don't feel guilty as I'm sure you are a great mom, not least because you went to parents' evening - have you any idea how many parents don't even do that.

xxx

chatee · 18/10/2004 19:02

oh no-i'm dreading dd's first parents evening on wednesday night

Twiglett · 18/10/2004 19:02

Is this DS's reception year .. its well known that boys find it difficult to sit still or concentrate for long ... in fact some theorists believe that boys should start school aged 6 and be in the same year as 5 year old girls

please don't worry too much .. I've heard that kids tend to equalise around age 8 .. and at least he's trying to do it and accepts help .. rather than refused to do stuff

you have nothing to feel guilty about .. [[hugs]]

Twiglett · 18/10/2004 19:03

is she a new teacher? or an old, jaded one? .. I'd be having more of a problem with the teacher's attitude than what DS is capable of after 6 weeks in school

BooMama · 18/10/2004 19:07

sorry to hear this has left you with worries. Is your ds reception? If so you may find that he is till settling in and finding his feet. The teachers are probably making these comments in a constructive way - so that when he does settle in it will be clear to see how far he has come. It's probably too early to take anything bad from it.
Do they set him homework? My ds (reception) brings him what I think is a lot of homework - work sheets, letters to practice and picture books to narrate. We spend quite a bit of time on this so when he comes to do them in class he is prepared.
Is he full time? My ds is part time but I don't think he would cope too well with a full time schedule.
Maybe speak to the teacher again in a month and see if there has been any change.

jollymum · 18/10/2004 19:11

Is your chld Reception? Usually the teachers will go overboard on the plus not the negative side as the kids have only been there for a six week block. I can believe that they put that on kid's work! How sad is that? FFS they are little kids, they've probably only just adjusted to being without their mums/dads/wiping their own bums!!! Take no notice, the teacher is well out of order and if there is a major problem with sitting still ie running around the classsroom doing the wall of death, then she/he should have a quiet word with you. Reception is all about integrating, socialisation, learning to read and write and having fun, not being done over be a negative teacher! You just wait until you see that first embrassing picture of "this is my mummy and daddy/grandma doing whatever...." My worst experience was a teachers evening when I had to explain to the Year 2 teacher that my son wasn't doing drugs, we always called Calpol drugs, as in "Come and get the drugs to make you better". Having older ones, it was a bit of a joke until I stared horrified at a picture of DS doing sad/happy faces picture. SAD was "Mummy gives me drugs when I am bad (poorly) and HAPPY-no more sad drugs for me. Lots and lots of explainin for me and Dh, very and parents sniggering over our shoulder. Your little one is fine and if he's not, you wll know.

hosta · 18/10/2004 19:18

Hi, I saw your earlier thread and saw you were worried. I assume your child is in reception in which case surely they all need help in the first term . You were obviously worried for a reason are you concerned he has difficulties? I have my childs parents night this week and can totally understand your anxiety, perhaps it's to do with handing our child over to a system we do not feel part of. I do understand your tears and I agree it is a stressful time. X

Original poster

Titania · 18/10/2004 19:20

yes he is in reception. its worried me sick really.....

OP posts:

binkie · 18/10/2004 19:23

It is so hard, so sorry for you Titania. We've had those sorts of meetings all the way since nursery and I can still remember the crushingness of the first one. It's what brought me to MN.

It might be hard to see now, but my own view is that the teacher really may have ds's very best interests at heart to tell you this, and has probably thought very long & hard before deciding to do so. I would expect therefore that she (he?) will have some practical suggestions too - how about you book another meeting to discuss further when it is less of a shock?

Please give ds a huge hug from me.

pixiefish · 18/10/2004 19:25

poor you Titania- don't feel like that... the teacher should have given you positives not just the negatives... feel sad for you and cross with his teacher

jellyhead · 18/10/2004 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellyhead · 18/10/2004 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firestorm · 18/10/2004 19:34

your son sounds perfectly normal to me. i often helped out in my dd`s reception class last year & there were loads of children who found it difficult to sit still or concerntrate. in my opinion this woman is well out of order in her way of speaking to you it really makes you wonder why so many people teach reception who are obviously highly unsuited to it & oblivious to the needs of such young children.

LHP · 18/10/2004 19:36

Poor you, Titania, she does sound a bit insensitive. Did she talk to you about any of the other activities your ds is doing in school ie the socializing, physical, imaginative or creative work? It is really easy just to focus on the negative bits in a meeting like this. Remember that the writing/recording part of scool is just ONE small aspect of a much wider curriculum, many areas of which I'm sure your ds excels at. I would be inclined to arrange another meeting with her if pos. I would also suggest that if he is really "struggling", as she put it, then her differentiation is wrong and the tasks are not appropriate to a new reception class. He should be playing at writing and literacy, and finding his feet, not sitting at a desk for ages. Definately talk to her again. Good Luck

throckenholt · 18/10/2004 19:39

I thought most boys of 4-5 have problems sitting still - apparently they have a physical urge to move around and use their muscles. It isn't until about 6 that they develop the fine motor skills and enjoy sittig down and writing/drawing etc.

nutcracker · 18/10/2004 19:41

Sorry it upset you Titania but tbh i agree with what everyone else has said in that most receotion kids find it hard to sit still for long, and also, how on earth can she have a good grasp of what he can and can't do in the space of a few weeks.

Twiglett - Snap, my dd's teacher has a right attitude prob, which i'm planning to address on thursday

bunny2 · 18/10/2004 19:43

Titania, we had our first parents evening last week and I was nearly in tears. The teacher said many wonderful things about ds but she was concerned that he cant always concentrate and often needs help doing simple things. She said if things didnt improve she would need to call in the Special needs coordinator to assess him. We were so upset and spent the rest of the evening fretting about our dear little boy and whether he was floundering in school. Now I have put it into perspective, he is only 4 and if he needs help doing some tasks then so be it, it doesnt mean he has behavioural issues or learning difficulties at all . It makes me cross that the education system expects all children to jump through these hoops when they are so young and that they are so willing to label children after only 5 weeks in school. Please try not to worry too much, oyur ds is only just starting his school life and has years ahead to prove just how great he is.

zebra · 18/10/2004 19:53

ASk at the school gates tomorrow, Titania. Wouldn't surprise me if a lot of the other mums have had similar feedback about their cherubs, too.

walnuttree · 21/10/2004 17:02

To all parents of 4 year olds - I have been through it. It is not the child's fault or the teacher's - they are going into the system TOO EARLY. My dd had a negative baseline assessment and I cried too. She had only been in the school for six weeks - 4 is just too young. It is the lunatic system, not your child. My dd is a summer birthday - she is now 9 and is catching up in year 5. I have told myself over and over again, that the work is really for children One YEAR older than her. It makes an enormous difference at 4.

Just support your child. If they are too tired or can't do the worksheets etc, just tell the teacher. Think about going to the headmistress and asking if there really is a problem and if they are worried. I did that and was told there was no real problem with my dd. I think the teacher had just handled it badly. It can't be easy for them, but I don't think they are always trained or are very good at dealing with parents.

Hope this helps.

MamaMaiasaura · 21/10/2004 17:35

I havent yet had a parents evening.. hoping it goes ok.

Regarding the negativity of teachers my sisters youngest has been started full time (she is younger than my ds who is part-time) Sister been up the school countless times cos the teacher cant manage her, however the other teacher can. The teacher that cant manage her is so incompetent that my sisters girl of 4 managed to lock the teacher out of the classroom and all the kids thought it was a great laugh.. hehe - shouldnt laugh really but sheesh at 4 they are far far too young to be sitting quietly etc etc kinda reminds me of the damaging victorian atitude of children should be seen and not heard.

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