Any musicians/ music teachers around?

[RosaTransylvania]

Because I really need some advice!
DD1 has her Grade 1 violin exam next month. She is practising diligently and taking it quite seriously, but she hasn't got a huge amount of natural talent as far as I can tell (not being musical myself I can't be sure!).
Problem is she gets despondent because she can hear that the sound she is making is not quite what it should be, and then we have tears and 'I'll never be any good' and so on. To make it worse she shares a group lesson with a schoolfriend of hers who is clearly better than her (and never loses a chance of rubbing it in either).
The thing is she really does love playing (she plays in a junior orchestra too) but she is getting so stressed about this grade exam and putting herself under so much pressure that I worry she will not do herself justice on the day and then it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy IYSWIM.
She does know her three grade pieces quite well, but they are not note-perfect and her scales and stuff sound fine.
Is there anything I can say to her to try and cheer her up and make her more positive about this? There is no point telling her she needn't do the exam btw, she is absolutely adamant that she is doing it - I just wish she wouldn't stress so much about it.
Or is this normal? I really don't know anything about music you see.

gosh it's tricky isn't it?
I wonder if you might talk to her about swapping her instrument? maybe she would be better off on a instrument requiring less mastery of technique, where she will see abit more progress?

hold on will find you a link for a useful book (maybe you know it already)

the right instrument for your child

I never did an exam. I had lessons until I was 18, I played in orchestras and had a whale of a time. It was never going to be more than a hobby for me, so my parents decided to keep it fun.

But I know that is pretty unusual

I think the main thing with this is to reassure her that if she is doing it because she wants to, that is the best thing. If she knows her pieces and scales reasonably well, even if not note-perfect, she is likely to pass (even if she doesn't get a merit or distinction). There is nothing wrong with that!

Do stress to her that the main reason for playing an instrument is to enjoy it, and if she enjoys playing in the orchestra that is really great - I think the social side of music is very important.

It might be an idea in the future to see if you can get her lesson changed so she is not sharing it with the other child, who seems quite competitive. It would work OK if both children were like this, but it seems as if it is having a negative effect on your dd.

Doing grades is fine if you want to, it gives you a good idea about what you have achieved, but ultimately music (I think) shouldn't be about competition. It should be about enjoying playing stuff, and performing in front of others if that's what you enjoy, with other people.

So, encourage her, but make sure she knows that grades aren't the end of the world, and it doesn't matter if her friend is better than her - in any case herfriend may be better technically, but your dd may be better musically, i.e. have the right feeling and expression for the music, etc.

By the way, I am not a teacher (music or otherwise), but play an instrument, havedone grades myself, and this is my take on it.

Thanks guys.
Harpsi - she does love the violin and has never shown any interest in playing anything else so I don't want to push her to change. I suppose what I really want is to help her accept her limitations and be happy with what she can do - but she is such a perfectionist that I can't see how to help her do that.
Sue W - thank you, that sounds reassuring. With DD's dyspraxia she is never going to be perfect, but she does seem to know what perfect sounds like!
I agree with TellusMater and SoMuchtoBats - playing for enjoyment is the thing. I would be really happy for her not to do the grades, and her music teacher wouldn't mind either, but she puts the pressure on herself.
She is having other problems with this friend at the moment anyway but I won't be able to do anything about changing the lesson until they move to senior school next year.

I play violin and viola, started violin when i was 8. Still playing and really enjoy, even met DH there. let her stick with it, remember you need lots of violins in an orchestra!

Encourage her to relax her arms and shoulders, because as contradictory as that sounds, it really does improve your playing. A tight bow hold is the worst thing for your tone - but this is grade one (or is it three? i got confused) so lots of chilling out and relaxation exercises beforehand, methinks!

mummy daddy etc get saving up (or borrowing instrument) because each one is different and has a unique sound. Maybe try a few different ones when she gets to senior school, they usually have some to borrow?

I have a different view. I think that her sharing the lesson is the problem here. If the other girl's a bit boasty and your dd's a bit unsure of herself it's going to make the whole experience really hard. I'd go for the individual lessons so your dd can forget about comparing herself to her friend.

And if your daughter's keen - that's all that she needs. Help her harness it. If she's doing her scales and pieces well there is very little to worry about other than her confidence.

I sometimes pick up my dd's violin myself, then show her how bad I am at it. It does make you appreciate their talent when you try it yourself.

well spotted mrs m.
i totally agree. shared lessons are very dodgy unless the people are good friends and have very similar ability.

Lessons are through school and cost is an issue. I tend to think we will spring for private lessons when she moves up to senior school next year, but we are on a tight budget at the moment and private lessons are more than than twice the money.

there is some good advice here and it does sound like the shared lesson with the other girl is the problem; but I can see that at the moment there's no escaping that

Try telling her that being a perfectionist is a good thing for a musician. I'm a semi-professional clarinettist currently practicing for an audition on Friday (for the only clarinet playing job that there IS where I live) and I get despondant too (and teary) as I'm not playing quite how I want to! And I'm 33. I know the pieces but am getting very stressed about it...maybe if she knows that other people feel the same it might help? And also tell her that it's good that she realises the sound isn't quite what it should be, because it means she has a good ear and she cares.

I was total pants at exams and never did myself justice in them, only got one distinction in all of them, and 'retired' from piano exams after Grade 2 at age 8. Lots of other people got distinctions left right and centre, but I'm the one still playing and at a high level. So whilst they are useful and important, they are NOT the be all and end all - tell her that. I do find that there are many children (And parents) who notch up music exams and results and boast about them, but are not at all 'musical' and never will be.

Also, they really try NOT to fail children taking Grade 1, she will most likely be absolutley fine, especially from the sound of how it's all going. Fab that she's in an orchestra too; the social side is a major benefit of music.

Remind her NOT TO PANIC! Take her time in the actual exam - there is no rush - and remember to collect her thoughts and breathe deeply and properly. Get as much sleep as possible, make sure she has eaten something healthy (but not right before playing if at all possible), and maybe take her out for a treat afterwards (one of my old pupil's father used to take us for ice cream at a Cafe Rouge after I'd accompanied her in exams, to great excitement).

good luck to her.

As you mention budget and costs, I used to have private lessons fortnightly (cunning plan) so poss would be worth looking into, and your mini musician gets to practice more in between. Also look into local youth / childrens' orchestras, which go for a small subscription and that's where i learned loads! I used to get heaps of extra tips - and fun - through the local youth orchestra and as an added bonus we started a string orchestra too. music can be so much fun. A secondary school will surely have its own orchestra, and as i said before there's no such thing as too many violinists. Also if you are anywhere near a university they often run free stuff for children so that music students get to work with children as experience for all, in my area you are a bit spoilt for choice on saturday morning groups. Get hunting, hope you find lots!!

Gigglewitch and MrsJC. Thank you for all the useful tips. She is in a string orchestra run by her lovely violin teacher and she loves it. I think finances will be OK for private lessons next year - it is just tight this year as DH is self-employed and cashflow is poor right now so we need to make economies.
I think the friendship thing has brought a lot of this on - this girl has basically been her closest friend for several years and now someone new has come along and DD has been dumped and not nicely either .
So things are a little fraught at the moment all round.
But I am very proud of my lovely hardworking, dyspraxic violinist and will do my best to help her through this with the help of all your very useful advice!

A tip for Grade 1 (my DD took G1 violin this year) -- make sure she's practising aural, as this is a key part of the exam too. It's not just about scales and the pieces. There's a CD rom you can buy from music shops for about £15 ...