I’m being ridiculous

[munchymoo]

Title says it all really. Feeling really crap that I feel this way but I do.

Have two DS, one nearly 5 and about to start school and the other 9 months. Have just found out I’m pregnant with very unplanned third. DH and I have discussed at length but don’t feel comfortable terminating.

We have great state primary schools where we live in muswell Hill, secondaries good but some limitations so our plan was always to do state primary and private secondary - couldn’t afford private the whole way. I must add that we were both fully state educated but we just had this plan for our boys.

Now we are adding a third into the mix I just don’t think we can afford private. I feel so disappointed and like I’m letting my boys down. I’m devastated.

I feel so callous as this is a new life we’re talking about, how could that compare with what school I send my children to!!

I guess I’m hoping that people can give me some positive stories about children (boys especially) doing well at state school, whether it’s impossible to get into grammar school, whether private is all it’s cracked up to be etc....

Thanks for any support and feeling so guilty that I feel this way :-( x

Yes, you're being ridiculous. The vast majority of people don't send their kids private. Many of us think it's not worth the money (even if we can afford it).

Positive story: my DS just got ten grade 9 GCSE's from his state secondary school (which makes 11 9's in total as he took one early last year too). He hasn't had a single hour of private tuition in his life and is a very laid back, happy, sporty well rounded boy with dome great friends. He's got into a selective (state grammar) sixth form, but I'd have been just as happy for him to go to the sixth form in his current comprehensive school.

No school is perfect but in my view most schools are better than anything I experienced in the seventies and eighties.

Secondary school is a long way off, and a lot can change; your finances, school reputations... Maybe there’s a chance you still can afford private secondary by making savings or investments/sacrificing holidays/scholarships/bursaries.

Having loving, interested parents makes such a difference and if you can’t send them to private secondary, you will have the budget for them to be able to pursue all kinds of hobbies/experiences/trips instead to broaden their horizons.

I’m sure if you fast forward 20 years, your boys would rather have their sibling than a particular school. Love to you, and life does have a funny way of working out in the end, even if it’s not what you originally planned x

Maybe send them to private school for A levels only.

As a third child, think about having a third carefully. With two, each parent only has to wrangle one child. Will all the car seats fit in your vehicle? Do you have enough house space? Three is a difficult number, as two will gang up on one.

@Ericaequites

As a third child, think about having a third carefully. With two, each parent only has to wrangle one child. Will all the car seats fit in your vehicle? Do you have enough house space? Three is a difficult number, as two will gang up on one.

She’s already pregnant, but late!

But op it’ll be fine, if you have good state schools

@Ericaequites

As a third child, think about having a third carefully. With two, each parent only has to wrangle one child. Will all the car seats fit in your vehicle? Do you have enough house space? Three is a difficult number, as two will gang up on one.

I'm one of three and it's fine. Some groups of three siblings get on well, some don't, just like pairs. The only sibling group guaranteed not to fight with siblings is the only child.

But late

We use a very good state school and have used private. There are elements that are nice with private no mistake but grades and learning can be very good at state.

Bit late. Third time lucky

Anyway op has two boys, I only know what b b g is like but the two older ones both living having a little sister and car is fine.

You live in the better part of Haringey, you won't have to worry about terrible state schools (I went to school in easy Haringey and it was awful).

Most people in your shoes move to be closer to Alexandra Park or Fortismere. My brother went to the former and did excellently. In general, I think going to state school around that area is the best of both worlds.

We moved to south Essex, there's no way my two boys are going to the middle schools here. Count yourself lucky.

East Haringey*

It’s Muswell Hill...