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Original poster

Please help, Am I overreacting?

19 replies

charlize · 10/10/2004 21:29

Today My ds age 12 came home from a sleepover at a friends house. Whilst there a friend of his mates younger sis came over. This girl is in yr 5 of my dds school. She told my ds that my dd age 4 and in reception told another boy in yr 5 to Foff.
This Iam sure is absolute rubbish. My dd is 4 yrs old and has NEVER said a swear word in her life.
I was extremely angry when ds told me this as I feel my baby who has only just started big school is now a source of playground tittle tattle for kids in yr 5.
I told ds he should have defended his sister and told this girl she would never say that. He replied Why would this girl lie.
I have no idea! But now all sorts of senarios are going thru my head including perhaps older children finding it funny to make younger children reapet swear words.
All I know is that my dd has had sone tremendous tantrums over the years and still does get angry and argue with her db but she has never ever told any one to Foff or anything like it.
She things poo and bum bum are naughty words for gods sake.

Anyway Iam blazing over this and feel I should go to the head and tell him what this girl told my son and also stress that my dd would never say this word.
How dare this girl{who is a prefect andis supposed to help the reception chilren } Be disscusing my 4yr old dd with other kids outside or even in school.

I honestly feel as if my dd has been slandered.
Can anyone understand how I feel? SHe is not even a very mature 4yr old and still is so innocent only just out of nursery . I feel tearful that these things are being said too her or about her.

OP posts:

Yorkiegirl · 10/10/2004 21:33

Message withdrawn

Yorkiegirl · 10/10/2004 21:35

Message withdrawn

Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 21:48

hi yorkie girl. As far as I know the teachers know nothing of this as the girl told my ds that the boy dd swore at decided not to Snitch.
If this girl is making it up to annoy my ds Then Iam even more angry as she is supposed to be a prefect and the girls house she was visiting is only in yr 4 and will no doubt spread the little story around her class.
I think the girl should be hauled in front of the head to explain and be punished if she is lying. Or it is possible that the boy involved told her and she belives him but even so she has no right to spread it on.
But I can't tell if Iam overreacting out of overprotecting my 4 yr old defencless child who isn't old enough to speak up for herself.

OP posts:

Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 21:51

I felt that angry earlier that I even considered pulling dd out of the school as I now don't know if older boys are encouraging her to swear.
This is a private school and they come down v heavy on swearing so iam also a bit worried that if I go to speak to the head they might think there is some truth in it.

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ladymuck · 10/10/2004 21:52

It would seem a but extreme to me to take this to the school. If you knew the other girl's parents then I might make a comment, but my instinct would be to play this down - after all your dd is unaware of the fuss at present. I'd probably feel differently if something happens to make her aware though (ie a group of Y5 kids starting to pick on her).

I know what you mean when you say that you "honestly feel as if my dd has been slandered" though. I'm just not sure that school is the best way to deal with something that effectively is just hearsay anyway.

Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 21:54

I don't know the other girls parents at all. My ds has said he will ask the yr 5 boy about it if he sees him.

OP posts:

Yorkiegirl · 10/10/2004 21:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 21:58

I have thought weather to say that but Iam worried they will think dd did swear and perhaps she gets it from home not the playground.
I can honestly say tho that if the head found out an older child had encoraged a reception child to swear for laughs they would be expelled .

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Jimjams · 10/10/2004 22:00

I think taking it to the school would be overreacting a bit tbh. Swearing is something that happens at primary school (and even more at secondary)- the girl is a prefect but she's still only young (and immmature) and probably sees swearing as something very risque and therefore quite funny. I also don't think you'll get to the bottom of what happened anyway.

Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 22:03

But I don't want this girl telling everyone lies about my dd who can't stick up for herself.
I don;t want the older kids pointing at her in the playgound and giggling cause thay think she swears. That is so far from the truth.

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Jimjams · 10/10/2004 22:05

I doubt she'll bother to say it to anyone else. I suspect she was just trying to shock your ds.

Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 22:05

PLus its a very cliquy school and I don't want the other mothers gossiping about my dd either. these things can get out of hand.

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Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 22:09

Well if she said it to shock my ds she'll be the one in for the shock when i speak to the head.
And Iam not one for complaining normally in all the yrs my ds was at this school i never went up once.
Iam quite shy in real life and hate confrontation but this has really upset me. I think I was emotional anyway about dd starting school, but it all seemed so safe till this.

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Jimjams · 10/10/2004 22:15

But I doubt the head can do much- no adult overheard the conversation- it was between your ds and this girl and took place out of school time- you don't really know what happened. If you overheard older children encouraging younger children to swear- then yes go to the head, but going to the head in this case will just draw attention to something that may never have happened. I think its the sort of situation that's very difficult to work out exactly what happened and who said what.

Original poster

charlize · 10/10/2004 22:18

Perhaps your right and i should let it lie. Its just left me feeling uneast about this girl being my dds prefect and about playtime in the yard.

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koo · 10/10/2004 22:21

I do think that you are over-reacting and will just make any situation worse.

My boys have come home with an amazing array of swear words since starting private school - far more than at state primary TBH.

In our family, we have a policy that no words are intrinsicly bad, just the way that they may be used can be shocking or hurtful. That way, my kids have always asked what new swear words actually mean - they soon lose their appeal.

My eldest boys teacher told me that he overheard my ds telling someone that it really wasn't clever to swear and couldn't he do any better!

To sum-up. If your daughter hasn't sworn without being prompted, she soon will. If you fly off the handle over something so minor, you are going to find the next few years extremely hard going! All the teachers would obviously grasp that a 4yo would not normally use swear words so relax and find a family way to deal with it.

jasper · 10/10/2004 22:29

charlize I do think you are overreacting .
It's just kids' playground nonsense.
Let it be.

My eldest has just started school. They just seem like babies still, don't they?

nightowl · 10/10/2004 23:21

i know where youre coming from..it can be a shock to hear your little angel has done something like this. im not saying she has...but i know my son changed dramatically when he started school. he always has been and still is a sweet, caring, polite little boy who would never cause trouble but he did get caught showing a girl his bum (and finding it very funny) when he was in reception class i think! it wasnt like something he would have done but he admitted to it freely. i think sometimes they just follow a lead and/or tend to test the boundaries. i found not making a big deal of it worked a lot better.

Original poster

charlize · 11/10/2004 20:36

Thanks everyone for the advice... Luckily I did listen and didn't go up to the school guns blazing but I decided to let it go.
It turns out dd probablty did swear after all as today she came home and asked me what F888off means. But I've started another thread about it so I'll shut up now. Thanks again wise mumsnetters.

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