Help! This shyness is ruining me

[threeangels]

I dont know if anyone out there is a shy person like me or even if your not I hope you can give me any advice on how to conquer this life problem. I have been a shy type since I can remember. I think a lot of this stems from when I was growing up. My mom done so much for me that I never did much for myself. I guess I became afraid of my own shadow. I think I became scared about everything and doing anything on my own. Some things have even effected me into my adult life.

My problem right now is that I want to sign up for an online medical assisting degree. Im really wanting something different in my life. The only problem is Im scared to death to do the externship for the last two months at the end. I know it sounds crazy but I dont know how to overcome this anxiety. I think that I fall inline with people who have social anxieties. I hate to talk infront of people I dont know. I dont like to speak out much unless I know the person well and feel comfortable with that individual. If I know them quite well I'll talk your ears off. I dont know how I can work in a job exposed to so many duties and the public. Ive worked in the childcare feild but I think I did ok because I was interacting with children and mostly the same parents on a daily basis. You kind of bond with them. Part of the problem is I have never been exposed to the real outside world (work feild). My dh said sometimes you have to just go for things if you want to change things. He feels I may feel nervous or even scared at first because it will be all new to me, but he says before you know it youll have all the confidence the rest of the workers have and everything will come naturally to me. Sometimes I think I'll never learn to do all the responsibilities I see but dh says you will learn just like everyone else. It just takes time. I really wish I could feel that way now. If anyone has any ideas on how to change this problem I would be greatful.

threeangels - I don't really have any ideas on how to combat your shyness, but I know that I find new situations scary - and I'm sure that many people do too. The point I'm trying to make is that you mustn't let the fear of something that will happen right at the end of your course stop you from starting it! I bet that by the time you get there your confidence will have increased greatly - there's nothing like knowing what you're talking about to put you at your ease. I say go for it - I think you are really brave for wanting to do something really different in your life, don't let worries about what might happen stop you.

I second what Willow2 said. I'm very shy too and find any new, and even some familiar, situations difficult. I have found it easier having children, I find I stand up for myself a bit more and am more driven to achieve what I want. I still find it very easy to put off (sometimes permanently )things I don't want to do. My only advice threeangels is to imagine where u'll be 5, 10 years from now if u do it, and if you don't do it. And in each situation imagine what's the worst and best case scenario. It might just help you get things into perspective.

HTH and good luck btw

threeangels> there's nothing like going outside your comfort zone (eugh, I sound like... erm don't know what, but thats the best way I can think to describe it) and realising what you think the worst thing is that could happen, that you're not going to keel over and die. I've made a fool of myself by shaking and stuttering when I've taken these steps before, but once you have done it, the next time is just that little bit easier. I've experienced quite alot of this recently , people have noticed that I've been visibly shaking, but both they and I have gotten over it. I had to show loads of big cheeses round our building the other day, pointing out lots of technical stuff that I really wasn't sure about. I was in no mood to do it. You're husband is probably right. Once you make the first steps and you know how good it feels, you want that buzz again. I know its scary, but sometimes you've just got to say f* em if I they think I'm a fool, I think almost everyone has been there at some point!

threeangels,
FWIW your replies on these threads make you sound very eloquent. You replies provide great advice and support which comes across with a great deal of sensitivity.
I agree with Bobbins the worst that can happen is a couple of minutes of unease. But it'll get better every time.
I try and get over my fears by pretending that I am somebody else - put on a different hat on so to speak and know that most people are in the same boat.
Good Luck and go for it girl!

Hi Star - First, thankyou for your help. My job would entail everything you see in a doctors office front desk and in the back. Mainly assisting the actual doctor. Assist in examines, shots (if liscenced), Not exactly a nurse but performs many tasks as a nurse.

I think I really have this problem you mentioned. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I mean I'll try to avoid people just so I dont have to talk to them even though I want to. I know I sound weird and wish I could change who I am. Its just hard. You are so right,I do tend to talk fast. I feel if I talk fast then I wont get as nervous and forget what I am talking about. But then I just mix up what I'm saying. Sometimes I think the person I'm talking to is thinking I'm a looney tune. I hope not. I usually walk away thinking I made a complete fool of myself. I guess its normal. Thankyou for your advice.

Crystaltips - Thankyou for your sincere comment. Sometimes I feel I'm not reallt helping anyone on this sight but I hope I am at times. My dh has told me to just keep in mind that even though everyone looks so confident most were in the same position as I am in or will be in. That kind of helps me at times.

Bobbins - I know its the first step like everything thats the hardest. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who has gone through this sort of thing. Sometimes I feel as if I'm abnormal or something.

Willow2 - I have thought about where I would be years down the road and the one thing I keep coming back to is if I dont go ahead out of fear then I'll always wonder "what if". Thanks for all the great advice.

Anais - Your advice is good. The more I know and are prepared with the easier the tasks will be. I am probally scared because I know just about nothing in line of work I want to do.

Sorry Willow2 and Anais I accidentally got your messages mixed up. Hope I dont confuse you both.

Threeangels, I am very shy too. Will you be wearing a uniform? That might make you feel more confident as people will be seeing you as a professional.

Hi Ionesmum, Yes I will be wearing a uniform. Maybe it would help. Since I'm on the subject of shyness I have the strangest short story to tell.
I have a friend whom I have been friends with since 1985. When she graduated from high school she immediately started college focusing on being a teacher. The problem is that she has always had problems at home dealing with 2 sick parents and 2 older lazy brothers who never helped care for them. I felt so sorry for her because she had to work, take care of her parents and go to school all at the same time.
Well up until the year of 1997 she was still struggling to finish school and get her degree. It was already gone on almost 8 years and finally she came to her internship where she had to go into the school and work with a teacher. Well she did this for a couple of weeks and then she just panicked and totally dropped out and decided she didnt want to be a teacher anymore. I found out by her that she freaked when she had to actually get up infront of the teacher and kids and do some teaching infront of everyone. I couldnt beleive she would go through all that school to drop out of the feild all together. She had always been a very shy person in life and I guess she just couldnt take it. Now shes going for interior design. That may be better for her.

I suffered from very severe shyness as a child, so much so that my mother took me to see a child psychologist. I wouldn't talk to anyone, and if anyone spoke to me I would turn bright red. I would stay on the bus sometimes past my stop as I was too shy to tell the driver to stop, if someone short-changed me I would never go back to tell them. What changed me was facing up to real difficulties in my working life. As soon as I left school I worked, I was taken advantage of, bullied at times and it took me a long time to assert myself. Taking risks in life was one way of dealing with it, I left my home for the first time to move to a residential adult college down south not knowing a single soul there, that took some guts I can tell you! But it had the desired effect and it started the ball rolling.

What I would suggest is to start off doing little things to build up your confidence. Read passages of a book aloud to your partner, it might seem silly but it will improve your speaking technique and will get you used to speaking in front of an audience (albeit only one for now!). Then make excuses to approach members of the public, ask them the time, or for directions, anything to strike up a conversation with them. Next time you find yourself standing next to someone in a queue, smile at them and say hello. This really does boost your confidence and it makes you realise that they are not going to bite, or judge you, that it is a normal, everyday activity. The more you do it, the more normal it will seem.

This is a big step for you to take, and you are already showing that you have what it takes. You will come out of this a much better person, it is such an achievement to have! Be proud of yourself and don't put yourself down. Saying things like "Sometimes I think I'll never learn..." is very pessimistic. You WILL learn, you have given birth to a child, revealed your bits and pieces to complete strangers! If you can do that and come out with dignity, you can surely talk to strangers too! Go for it girl!

Thankyou Rhubarb it means a lot to have all this advice. I know its good to talk with my dh and I do and he helps. Its sometimes better to talk with outside people at times.

Yes, I second rhubarb's advice, and others, about little steps leading to bigger ones. I was a shy child and when I started my degree, sat in silent agony throughout the first term's tutorials. The idea of contributing to a small group intellectual discussion was too frightening for words. No pun intended.

Yet I used to feel so cross with myself. I had read the books, written the essay, got the goodish marks. Why should all the others get to show off their knowledge and get to chat with their tutors and not me? So I made a vow to say one thing in each group. I couldn't face the intellectual bit straight off, I was so afraid of sounding a fool, so I started off by asking if a window could be opened or something equally mundane. It worked for me. After a while, it did become easier to join in, though I never became an academic chatterbox - you are what you are - shyness is no bad thing sometimes when you listen to others who can't stop the stream of words coming out of thier mouths.

Oh, completely echo tigermoth's advice about taking babysteps. I used to get palpitations and hyperventilate at the thought of speaking at meetings. And I just KNEW that everyone else could tell I was uncomfortable. But I too forced myself to sat something, however minor, and say it early in the meeting so I'd got it over with and wasn't building myself up to having to say something later.

threeangels, in your posts you always come across as a very caring and gentle person. Even if you are shy, that aspect will be picked up by people. I work with lots of blokes who love the sound of their own voices - it really is not always a good thing to be a talker.

Threeangels
I always read your posts with great interest, and think of you as representing the great American mom and apple pie tradition! If you represent that, you can do this! I work with the public a lot. Many of them will be even more nervous than you. Remeber, you'll be in a position of authority, playing the part of someone who is seen as able, capable, knowledgeable - and you do play the part. They haven't come to see Threeangels, they've come to see someone who is going to help them in some way. It's not easy to start, but you can do it, especially with the baby steps suggested here. Go for it, girl!

There is a real difference between being shy socially and being shy professionally, IMHO! I am a teacher, and if you were to see me in the classroom you would have no idea that I was shy, because I take control, speak out, keep kids in libe, deal with some very sticky situations and never blink an eyelid.
However, if a kid talks to me in the street I can hardly say hello, I get so shy.
You might very well find that you can 'hide' behind your professionalism and get on with the job. I dunno if this will help you but it has saved my career (which I then voluntarily gave up to be a sahm!)

Susanmt - Your post has made a lot of sense. Ive always did a great job working in the childcare centers that I did. I think this was because I had my own territory to run and manage on my own. I remember one boss call me phenominal to another worker on how I worked. I'll always remember that wonderful comment. I think that maybe if I have a career working with adults it might help me with this shy problem in other areas of my life. Ive been with children so long (and loved it) that I dont know how to work around adults on a daily basis. Thanks so much.

Copper - Thank you for your words. Maybe since I will be in a more professional feild I might feel like I'm looked up to more and I'm relied on more for help. I loved my childcare work and my kids who I took care of over the years but there were times when I felt like not much of a person because I just watched the same children all day long. Some parents made me feel like just a babysitter and never gave much recognition for all my hard work in nurturing and loving their child. My dh and I haved talk so much about this. Ive told him I have a desire to help either children in pediatrics or even women who are pregnant and he feels that if that is my passion then I should fullfill that dream if I want to and not let fears stop me. Hes probally right i just have to like you guy say, "go for it".

IOts funny how some people have this view that looking after kids (whether as a parent or a childcare worker) isn't very important or difficult, isn't it? In my view, its the most important and one of the most easy to get wrong.

Couldn't agree more Copper

Working in a daycare or even parenting to a lot of people does seems like such an easy job. I would think most would agree that parenting is not as easy as it might seem. I'm enjoying it but it does take so much work and committment From birth on we are faced with so many challenges and new stages. Were solely responsible in making sure that we raise them to the best of our ability in every aspect of their lives. Daycare workers are there to nurture and love children when their parents can not be there. This is such a big responsibility because we are in charge of others most precious things on earth. I have had many parents who never cared or noticed how much effort I put into taking care of their children on a day to day basis. But I've also equally had parents who always took the time to show how much they appreciated me. If it werent for those parents I probally would never have stayed in the feild as long as I did.

I am really grateful to the staff at my DS's nursery because they have helped to nurture a happy, confident (probably more confident than either of his parents) little boy who loves to go to nursery but then loves to come home again. He mixes well with adults and children and this is in no small part due to the excellent care he has received. I'm sure the same can be said of your charges ThreeAngels.