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Original poster

What would you do?

19 replies

unicorn · 09/10/2004 20:39

dd1 (5) in year 1 has been telling me about some of the boys who have been playing rough at break time.
One particular boy seems to be trying to do power ranger type kicks, and head butts, and aiming them her way.
She says she has told the dinner supervisors, and they haven't done anything about it.
Apparently the teachers are aware of some 'problems' with yr 1 boys (earlier thread on detention for 5 yr olds), and various parents have been given letters about inappropriate behaviour etc.

Now the thing is I know the mum of this particular boy - so should I say something to her or not?
I am in a bit of a quandry as it is really difficult to know what is really going on.
So... what would you do? And if you do recommend talking to the mother- what would you say?

OP posts:

jampot · 09/10/2004 20:41

be inclined to leave it to the school as it happens in school IYKWIM. Lean on the Head if you feel the need and if the supervisors aren't supervising properly. Ds had the same but with a teachers son

blossomhill · 09/10/2004 20:42

Unicorn - Bit of advice don't talk to the mum. I have never done it but from talking to other mums it always seems to cause problems. Have a chat with the teacher about your concerns. I personally think that is the better route.
It's just most parents refuse to believe that there "little darlings" can do any wrong and take offence.

Polgara2 · 09/10/2004 20:50

Has your dd1 actually been hurt or does she just feel threatened/frightened? Either way it needs sorting for her. I would speak to her teacher first, if nothing happens then speak to the head. If he is kicking her and nothing happens with the school then I probably would want to have a word with the mum. What tack you take depends on how well you know her I suppose and whether you think she's aware of her son exhibiting this type of behaviour. I couldn't let either dd's get hurt and not do anything about it but as you say it is difficult to get a good idea of what's actually happening sometimes isn't it? I would definitely speak to teacher straight away, if there are problems she/he should be on the ball really.

Original poster

unicorn · 09/10/2004 20:59

thanks all..
dd hasn't been hurt(yet)as she manages to get away from him, but it is definately bothering her (she tells me about this just before I say night night!)

I have told her to keep away from the 'rough' ones, but she says they still hassle her.

Now believe me, I am not one of these mums who sees no wrong in their child.. in fact I am probably far too hard on dd - ie presuming that she was playing rough with them etc.
Nevertheless I feel if this continues I really must do something.

I do feel it is down to inadequate supervision at breaks (no teacher on duty)... but the school isn't going to change that in a hurry.

There is an 'open evening' coming up... just before half term... so should I wait until then to address my concerns, or risk her being hurt in the interim?

OP posts:

jampot · 09/10/2004 21:03

I'd be inclined to mention it daily myself as I am a PITA

Polgara2 · 09/10/2004 21:04

Well personally I would address it on Monday not wait til parents evening but then I'm just one of those people who has to get things like this sorted asap. You should be able to speak to her teacher/head about your concerns at any time and expect to get something done about it imo.

Original poster

unicorn · 09/10/2004 21:08

quite agree polgara2, but unfortunately the school does not encourage parental communication (!)
nevertheless, it is probably time to 'ave a word' with the headteacher in the morning..
fairly sure she will blagg her way out of it, and I will end up feeling stupid though.

OP posts:

binkie · 09/10/2004 21:57

Funnily enough, have recently been on the other side (see my thread here ).

As you can see, the contact went from victim's mother, to teacher, to me .. to my attempt to speak to victim's mother. I think that was the right process, certainly as regards involvement of the teacher. Unfortunately, there hasn't been a response (though of course it's possible I left my cringing message on the answering machine of a total stranger) - and maybe in your dd's situation it isn't a case of clumsy enthusiasm that could be addressed by the playdate route. But just in case helpful ...

Original poster

unicorn · 09/10/2004 22:04

thanks for that binkie an interesting idea.

I will need to 'sort it' before the xmas school party, otherwise I may end up vino-talking to his mum.. iykwim, and that would be a BAD idea!

my dd wouldn't really want this boy round as a playdate though, so not too sure!

OP posts:

Yorkiegirl · 09/10/2004 22:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

unicorn · 09/10/2004 22:17

yg!
she does like them tho.. but wants .. 'pink'!!!
don't spose......???!!!!!!! in size 10!!!!!!!!????

OP posts:

Yorkiegirl · 09/10/2004 22:18

Message withdrawn

Original poster

unicorn · 10/10/2004 21:41

ok.. am going to say something to headteacher in the morning (when she stands by gate 'greeting' people.

So what is the best way of getting things across to a headteacher? (who no doubt has .. heard it all before etc etc)

OP posts:

Original poster

unicorn · 10/10/2004 22:05

thinking of saying ..
'I am getting concerned that some of the boys in yr 1 are playing too aggressively at break times... and my dd feels she is being targeted by one particular boy...
I realise you are aware of the problem.. but how do you propose to remedy it?'

or is that too much??

Advice please!!!

OP posts:

PuffTheMagicDragon · 10/10/2004 22:09

Sounds good to me Unicorn - direct, to the point, firm, but not aggressive.

Original poster

unicorn · 10/10/2004 22:13

Thanks pd!

I bet it won't come out like that when I say it though (blabber blabber waffle waffle!!)

Do you remember your headteacher?.

I do, and despite being an adult now, headteachers still have THAT effect!!

OP posts:

Original poster

unicorn · 11/10/2004 20:34

v quick update.
Mentioned it to the head this morning, who said she would speak to the boy.
She got my dd and the boy in her office and asked dd to explain what had been going on.
Boy says "well xxx has been doing it as well" (not true according to dd).
Head tells boy not to play like that...
Hopefully he will listen!

Another parent (friend) said I should have just told the boy's mother- and not gone through the head...
made me feel a bit awful really...
But I reckon it is best to have this sort of thing noted early on, in case it gets worse...
And DD specifically wanted me to tell the head, not the mum.

What do you think?

OP posts:

roisin · 11/10/2004 20:53

You were definitely right Unicorn. If school is a good one (and it sounds like the Head is on the ball) then they will deal with it, and if they think the other parents need to be informed at some point then they will do so.

Polgara2 · 11/10/2004 21:02

I agree Unicorn - definitely the right thing to go through the school as that is where it is happening. They should want to know about anything like this anyway. I would probably only speak to other mum as a last resort. Hope this sorts things out for your dd. If not I would go back to the head first though.

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