All Reception Yr Boys are Vicious Thugs -- or is it just my Child? ;)

[zebra]

Since DS1 started school he is in scuffles/arguments with other boys daily. Is currently sporting scratches both sides of his mouth. Got kicked in the hand yesterday, was guilty of throwing mud at neighbour's child (also in his class) a few weeks ago.

We have tried hard 2 teach DS good manners, restraint & consideration 4 others. He is very active, emotional & noisy, so I think he tends to pick friends who are, too. A lot of time that tends to be the most physical aggressive kids, although DS1 himself is quite small. We only just moved to this town, all the kids were new to him, so he has been especially busy figuring out who his friends will be.

I hear that the girls aren't a lot better. Rumour has it that one of the Yr-R teachers is considering early retirement, in her 35 yrs of teaching this the worst behaved lot she's ever encountered. A lot of swearing -- DS hasnt used swear words around us, at least.

One time DS was building a model & another boy (L.) knocked it down & broke it. DS shoved L.'s head into a radiator in retaliation. So not saying DS is a saint... but L.'s mum later told me "they were playing Power-rangers".

1. -- should they be playing Power rangers, even in play-time?
2. -- DS has never seen Power Rangers. We don't even have a telly. And DH has banned PR because he hates it. DS quite likes Care Bears, in fact.

Am I snob to think the other boy (L.) deserved considerable blame in this incident? Is my boy just as bad? Is it normal for many/most reception yr boys to behave like thugs?

Should add, the staff don't seem unduly unhappy about all these incidents, but I don't know if they're just biting their tongues.

Zebra-please don't worry. My reception angel has already been to see the headmaster twice and he is a very loving little boy-but also a bit of a thug. I think boys play rough and sometimes they push the barriers between rough play and sheer thuggery! It is definately something the teachers should be keeping an eye on but the fact of the matter is some boys are very physical. My DS1 has had about 3 scraps in his whole 3 years at school. DS2 has had 3 in 3 weeks! He does want to be a wrestler when he grows up so he's obviously getting in some practice.

Well my little boy who is usually scared if another child so much as looks at him, tells me that he had his name moved 2 the sad face yesterday 4 jumping on a yr1 boy!
I am in shock!!

There is no doubt that school definately changes our delicate little flowers- they're so heavily influenced by their peers It's hardest to watch with the first one! I guess it's all part of their growing up though and as long as their main foundations are maintained and impressed upon them by you, you'll know you're doing your best and the large majority of them will turn out just fine. They may be easily led by friends, but we parents are here to guide them to make the right choices - they'll get it wrong loads but learn from every experience.

Learning to cope in the playground, learning what is and is not acceptable is one of the toughest things for reception children to take on board.

Our school do take playground incidents very seriously, and staff constantly work towards making sure the playground does not become rough. As you say children who have hitherto always been gently little angels can become quite wild when suddenly thrust from a calm, quiet classroom into a busy playground. (Our KS1 playground has 180 children in it). This time of year is the worst, I would say.

As a parent I would want to satisfy myself that:
a) The older children are better behaved - i.e. they have learned 'the rules', and
b) That by Christmas at the latest the younger children have calmed down too.

Some of the reception children are tiny, and some of the year 2 boys are huge. If you do have a genuinely rough playground, children could easily get very seriously hurt.

AS far as I understand, the yr-R kids are let out to play at different times; they don't mix very much with the older children.

Thanks for the replies. It's not that I think DS is an angel, but I'm not used to these daily squabbles, scratches & punching, either.

My ds is now in Yr 1 and TBH this aspect of school life was a shock to me too. Boys seem to spend their breaktimes shouting, running round aimlessly, playing Power Rangers/Turtles etc regardless of whether they've ever seen it and generally roughing each other up - even other boys who they would consider to be their friends. DS same home from school this week with two gouges down his face from another lad who got overenthusiastic while they were playing goodies/baddies (i.e. another excuse for a bundle). When he comes home from school saying he's played football at lunch, I'm relieved as it seems positively peaceful compared with what usually goes on.

FWIW, ds has two younger sisters and is boisterous but not violent IYSWIM.

Within weeks of starting in Reception, DS1 started shuffling about with his hands thrust into his pockets. He made weapons out of whatever building equipment there was in the class, he played Power Ranger type games.... in short, he bacame a Classic "Proper" Boy. He constantly has dirty and grazed knees now too. Sigh.

I wonder if part of the problem is that this can be the first time they are in close contact for a long period of time with so many boys at once. Maybe it ignites some sort of pack instinct!

BTW, I suggest you never mention Care Bears in relation to your son within ear shot of his new friends

I think it's lack of supervision combined w/ natural boy nature. Staff:children ratio in DS's class is 1:13... at playgroup what was it? 1:4 or 5, I think. I'm always breaking up scuffles in the playground b4 school starts, too.

my ds is just the same.goodies and baddis,powere rangers(despite never having seen it) and rough play a plenty. This time also coincides with their 4 year testosterone rush too,doesn't it, may have something to do with it.

zebra- sounds like we have kids at the same school!- but our problems are with yr 1 boys.

Agree about lack of dinnertime supervision.

Teachers used to take turns to do dinner duty when I was at school.

Well in pre-school with 3 and 1/2 to 4 and 1/2 year olds its the same thing .. and they hit themselves (quite hard too)

I think boys are just strange

I don't think our playground is as bad as this. Yes my son's learnt some new language and there is quite a bit of pushing but if someone had their head pushed into a radiator the child that did it would be in trouble, whatever the provocation. The older boys do cause problems -one encouraged a little boy to push one of the older girls at a disco my daughter attended. He was threatened with being taken home and banned from any future event and behaved for the rest of the evening.

I wouldn't have stood for my daughter fighting - if it isn't seen as "normal" behaviour for boys to fight then they do less of it. They have to learn to settle difference another way at some stage! I think if the school expects high standards of behaviour they get them.

DS1's school doesn't have that much of a problem with this... I think we have one or two roughies but they are settlign down (in yr1 now).

Agree with Tatt that it's what those in authority let them get away with. Why should aggressive behaviour be OK for anyone, boy or girl?

I mildly told a boy off (not my own) for pushing in the line the other morning, and several parents commented (they were pleased I had said something). TBH I would expect someone else (including a parent) to speak to my DS if he was being too boisterous.