Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Since starting nursery, ds is "pretenting"to shoot people. Not sure how to handle this.

34 replies

PuffTheMagicDragon · 05/10/2004 22:42

Ds has been at nursery 1.00 - 3.30 for about 3 weeks. Since starting, he's taken to running about "shooting" (making a gun shape with his fingers) me, dh, ds2. Its not all the time, but enough to be noticeable. A couple of nights ago he said "I'm going to shoot you Mummy" and then made the "gun like" noises and pointed his fingers at me.

I am TOTALLY ignoring it, just walking off and doing something else etc, which on the whole works and he gets bored with the idea.

There's a parent's evening coming up and I'm wondering whether to mention this sudden change in his behaviour, or should I let it lie. I really don't know.

OP posts:

marthamoo · 05/10/2004 22:48

My ds2 shoots people all the time - out on the street, everywhere. Somewhat charmingly he also says "he's dead now, Mummy." I'm afraid I can't blame nursery - he doesn't go yet - it's all down to having a big brother.

When people look shocked (and they do - I caught a real look between two - first-time!- Mums at the Mums n' Tots group we go to when ds2 made a gun out of MegaBloks and went round shooting all the other children) I console myself with the thought that ds1 at the same age didn't know what a gun was, or what dead was. And that neither of them have ever had toy guns, or watched violent films (well....Star Wars...)

I would keep ignoring it and, sadly, resign yourself that this is what life is like when they are exposed to outside influences.

mummyloves · 05/10/2004 23:07

I agree with Marthamoo, you're not really going to be able to avoid it. I was really surprised, although I don't know why, that Playmobil policemen came with guns. I'd avoided them up until that point. I just tell DS then guns aren't nice, they hurt people and we don't want to do that do we? and he seems to accept that. Bless him. of his own free will he removed his Playmobil guns and told me to put them somewhere safe so no one could get hurt! He makes a point of saying that "guns are stupid" now. I never pushed it just gave him some sort of explanation as to my disapproval. I know a lot of people think it's part of growing up but a different viewpoint is, would you give your child a toy flick-knife? They're designed for killing too?! Be patient, maybe try the short explanation but he might get bores anyway, especially if as you say, he doesn't know what guns really do. Good luck.

tamum · 05/10/2004 23:10

I remember dd coming home from nursery and saying all the boys had been in big trouble. I asked why and she said, very seriously, "They keep making weapons out of Duplo". I managed not to smile, but only just. I think it is pretty much unavoidable I'm afraid, but by all means manetion it to nursery so they can keep reminding them that it's not nice.

Original poster

PuffTheMagicDragon · 05/10/2004 23:12

Thanks wise Mumsnetters.

OP posts:

KateandtheGirls · 05/10/2004 23:27

Isn't it amazing that it's always boys that do this? I really do think it must be genetic.

jmb1964 · 06/10/2004 00:01

I was once driving ds1 to nursery when she was about three, and pointed out the lovely daffodils. She said (yeah, we use them for guns at nursery'

Original poster

PuffTheMagicDragon · 06/10/2004 00:13

LOL jmb! Am off to bed feeling thoroughly chilled out about the whole thing, thanks everyone.

OP posts:

GeorginaA · 06/10/2004 09:16

"would you give your child a toy flick-knife?"

one of my favourite toys as a kid was one of those toy stage-dagger type things where the blade retracts.

I'd say it didn't do me any harm, but I might unwittingly be a very good advert for why kids shouldn't have toy weapons!!

Actually, I was a bit cross recently when an adult "taught" ds1 the concept of shooting someone then they falling over mock-dead. Ds1 adores the game and I know he'd probably have discovered it at nursery himself pretty soon, but 3 years old seems so little and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Reading this thread with interest.

JJ · 06/10/2004 09:19

We have the rule that you can shoot things, but not people. It's not a huge issue and is waived for water guns...

mrsflowerpot · 06/10/2004 09:26

This is such a reassuring thread. DS is 3.5 and is exactly the same, despite never owning a toy gun. He's just started at nursery school and it is more noticeable since, although it had started before. In fact when the nursery teacher came round to do a home visit, he greeted her with his toy drill stuffed in his waistband, and 'I'm Buzz Lightyear, this is my blaster' . I'm sure we're on a list somewhere...

Interestingly though until he went to nursery they were never 'guns', always 'blasters'.

Northerner · 06/10/2004 09:32

Well my ds must be advanced He's only 2.5, has never had a gun, but does point things at people (lego, toilet rolls etc....) and shouts 'FIRE' at the top of his voice. He does go to nursery so I'm blaming them

spacemonkey · 06/10/2004 09:54

it's testosterone i'm afraid, all boys do it IME

my ds isn't interested in guns any more but his favourite activity for some years has been wrestling anything that moves (and even things that don't - he has a collection of "wrestling bears" that he beats to a pulp)

marthamoo · 06/10/2004 10:08

Sorry - I know it's all very serious but this thread is making me smile.

Mrs F's post reminded me that ds1 used to call guns "doufers" after the "douf! douf! douf!" noise that the blasters make in Star Wars. It's now a real word in our house "stop doufing your brother!"

And Georgina's post made me think of what dh says was his best ever present as a child. He and his brother were given Zorro swords - they had a piece of chalk mounted in the end so you could do the "Z" on your opponent's chest (showing my age now....)

prettybird · 06/10/2004 11:12

Ds started coming back from the childminder saying "piuh, piuh" and making a gin with his fingers. We can't blame her - she doens't have any toy guns, but they learn from the other boys.

We just tell him he's not allowed to play "piuh, piuh" in our house - that it isn't nice as guns can hurt people. He seems to accept it.

It was embarrassing though when he started "shooting" the two policemane who came around when dh's bike was stolen.

GeorginaA · 06/10/2004 12:18

giggle marthamoo... I like that Zorro idea!

ahem ... I mean... disgraceful behaviour, really!

krocket · 06/10/2004 12:20

ooo I used to love Zorro, sounds like an excellent toy with the chalk at the end to make the Z.

Amfs · 06/10/2004 12:22

that's what boys do .. its how they play .. sorry

yes he probably picked it up from the other kids .. but its a playing phase and he'll grow out of it

I don't allow guns or swords in the house but am quite happy for him to make them out of sticks / lego and anything else

I remember playing cowboys and Indians when I was a kid too

GeorginaA · 06/10/2004 12:23

Actually, this thread has made me think a bit and maybe revise my ideas. As kids, we certainly played with toy lightsabers, toy swords... played cowboys etc and no-one really thought anything of it, and I don't think me or my peers really ended up much more violent as a result (those who had violent parents though... another story).

I'm still not going to buy my dses any war-type toys as I would feel uncomfortable getting them and I'm not going to encourage that type of play, but I think I'm going to be more live and let live and if he gets a toy gun or something bought him by someone else then I don't think I'll take it away (although I think I might have done before this thread).

I don't know... I think banning it or giving a 3 year old talks about the evils of man might make it all a bit more forbidden fruit and attractive as a result...

I'll let you know in ten years if my theory turns out right

motherinferior · 06/10/2004 12:25

Ahem - it's not just boys. Overheard (by another MNer!) at DD1's third birthday party: 'I'm the red princess'/'I'm the pink princess'/'well, I'm the princess with GUNS, so I'm in CHARGE'.

DD1 - formerly the Red Princess - has started doing it too. I really wish she wouldn't and say no, don't, it hurts people. Doesn't stop her but keeps my liberalpinko conscience clear.

Amfs · 06/10/2004 12:28

if I remember right I was always a cowboy and Paul (who picked his nose and ate it) had to be the squaw tied to the tree

Original poster

PuffTheMagicDragon · 06/10/2004 13:22

Marthamoo, its making me smile too. I had the feeling it was one of those things not to get up tight about, but I wasn't sure. Had lots of experience of dealing with 4 and 5 year olds at school about this, but not my own 3 year old.

My cousin told me that if anyone bought her two boys a bar of chocolate, they would bite it into a gun shape. They did the same with toast too!

OP posts:

Marina · 06/10/2004 13:27

this whole thread is making me laugh and feel very relieved. But also ashamed that while I too have been a liberalpinko on the gun front, I seem to have allowed a large number of plastic swords and armour into the house on the grounds that they are "historic" and therefore somehow educational. Even dd, 1, loves these...

spacemonkey · 06/10/2004 13:27

guffaw!

suedonim · 06/10/2004 13:42

I'm another with double standards - no guns but dd1 has a light sabre and dd2 has just acquired a sword.

But children can latch onto all sorts of violent things, really. Dd2 watched an educational TV prog about the Egyptians and now wants to mummify DD1 and suck her brains out through her nose. Nice!!

prettybird · 06/10/2004 13:45

Come to think of it, ds does have a pirate's sword, which WE bought him! Double standards - MOI???

Flip

1 2