worried about new teacher - Y2

[golds]

When my dd started Y2 she was over joyed at the prospect of her new teacher, she's young, funky and with it, now my dd is saying that she doesn't like her anymore and she has been nasty to her.

Apparently (according to a 7 year old) she shouts alot, she shouts at her when she hasn't done anything wrong. My niece was in this particular teachers class 2 years ago, she started at the school half way through the year having just recently moved to my area, she was on grade 7 for her reading and as soon as she joined this particular teachers class, the teacher knocked her down to stage 4 making her loose all her confidence, my sister was up the school several times. My niece tells me that this teacher likes to concentrate on the 'brainy' ones and doesn't bother much with the ones that need help, she also told me that if anyone got any work wrong they were made to stay in at playtime.

I really don't know whether my dd has exagerated (sp?) an indicent or whether there could be a potential conflict between them, my problem is that my dd is very much like I was when I was her age, before I was bullied by a teacher who destoyed all my confidence.

Its parents evening tomorrow,(good timing) and I'm wondering how to tackle the subject, my dd maybe a little monster at home sometimes, but her last 2 teachers have had nothing but good to say about her, if this teacher gives me a bad report, it will be totally out of character.

I know I won't be able to judge until I see what she has to say tomorrow, but does anyone have any advice on how to handle the subject, I can't go in accusing her just incase my dd is just being sensitive to a telling off.

I was worried about this all night, if there is a problem, I want it stopped now. Also I am rubbish at conflict, but this can't be overlooked.

Golds, I have a very similar problem at the moment where my DS has suddenly started to hate school. I've dealt with it by sending his teacher a note about it, where I've taken the tone of "this is how pressurised he is feeling, I'm letting you know that so that you can judge the best approach, and I'd like to work together with you to ensure that my DS continues to be positive about school and education, rather than developing a negative view of both at this early age", as opposed to apportioning any blame.

You could mention that your DD has perceived herself not to be "brainy", that she is comparing herself to other children in the class unfavourably, and that her perception is that these "brainy" kids get more attention. That should bring the teacher up short. Part of her job is to re-inforce the confidence in their abilities, whatever they are, of all the children in the class, not just the perceived "brainy" ones.

If you send her a nice, friendly but concerned note before parent's evening and explain that you are doing so, so that she is aware of the problem before your meeting, it will give her some time to think about her response, so that she is not put on the spot unexpectedly and you can have a constructive meeting discussing how to deal with the problem.

I just come back from school and I asked the other mothers of my dd friends, 2 of them replied by saying that there dd's thought she was wonderful (my dd view until shouting incident) and the other mother explained that her dd had been shouted at too, but her dd liked her. I am truly hoping that it just my dd being sensitive, she does take negative (constructive) critism hard, sometimes if she find work hard she say she can't do it rather than have a go.

I will explain to her that my dd does feel as if she is not as 'advanced' as others and she what she says, the thing is my dd is quite clever, but 'quite' clever isn't enough for her, she like teachers approval and wants to be the best or she doesn't want to do it at all.

She started swimming last year and was at the top of the armbands class getting lots of attention and praise from the teacher, as soon as she moved up a class, of course, she was the weakest in the group with very little attention, she refused to go, its only now a year later that she wants to try again, and of course being put back in the armbands class because she is out of practice.

I feel alot better having spoken to other mum's, so I will see how I get on tomorrow and act appropriatley at the time, thank you for your tips and advice I will think now about possible responses to questions/negative remarks that I may face.

Meanbean - did you have a good response from the teacher and is your ds liking school more now ?

Hi golds, I recently had a very similar problem and posted about it here

HTH

Golds, I've got a meeting with the teacher on Thursday.

I think you need to make your DD's teacher aware of what a perfectionisht your DD is, and how she takes things to heart if she gets things wrong. I think my DS a bit like that, so I'm hoping that the problems he is having are to do with his perceptions, rather than actually what's happening in the classroom. But I still think teachers need to know how children are reacting to the things they say, so that they can tailor their approach to invidivual children accordingly.

Thank you, thank you, I will expain what a perfectionist she is, her last 2 teachers were aware.

How can you let a child know, that they can't be GREAT at everything, she is setting herself such high standards that she feels as if people won't like her if she 'fails' at something.

I am so aware that her confidence is easily knocked, its hard to know how to respond.

She had the star role in the christmas play last year and a women in ASDA stopped me the other week, saying 'thats that dancer from school isn't it' - one proud parent and she loved the attention, but I need to conditioner her that she won't be the best at everything she does.

I'm also going to my ds parents evening tomorrow, he only started in Spetember, will be interesting to know how he's responding to the classroom environment.

The worries that us parents have to go through, I now know how my mum and dad felt.

Do you know the biggest thing that stands out here for me in your original post is that you were transferring something that happened to you at school and how that made you feel onto your child.

Think you acted very well by the way too - it looked from your first post that you were going to go and lambast the teacher - what a lot of mums I think do without actually going and speaking to the teacher and other people and backing the teacher and the school.

I am glad you are getting this sorted out and maybe explaining to your daughter that we are all different and good at different things - she ws great as the star dancer in the play and this was great but other children have to be good at things too maybe??

My son has just started in reception, his teacher has spoken to me on two occassions to say that he has been in trouble for pushing and kicking, the first time I told him off (did not listen to any excuses) second time his teacher accused him of not showing any remorse!? (I thought strong word) so I sat him down and asked him what the problem was, he said he was kicking because his friend was kicking him, my eldest (yr2) said he saw a small group of them pushing one another ( as boys do!) he said he saw his brother head butted. I went back to the teacher and explained, she said she did not witness this and was told by the teacher on duty that it was my ds pushing. She also said no one else in her class had been in trouble! can you believe this? but that he would not have a label. Since this I have found it hard to even look at her. I took my ds into school the following day she marched up to me and said he could come in by himself, and that she is trying to encourage them to be independent, I said fine. (no good morning, nothing) As I went to leave I saw a cat in the room so I naturally asked what a cat was doing there, she swung round and said "don't you like cats?" I replied that I don't mind them I just wondered what it was doing there as I think my ds may have an allergy to them (he has severe asthma and some allergies) she said it comes in every morning for its milk! and turned her back on me, I was furious, but of course did nothing. I would like to mention that this is a private school and she has been there forever. I spoke to a couple of other mums and they were not really interested. Anyone help?

If your son is alergic to cats I think you have to make a fuss about the regular visit of a cat to the class room. If it is affecting him then he can not gain full advantage from the education you are paying for. Also teaching children to give cats milk is not good as most vets do not recommend cows milk for cats as it can cause them stomach problems. I think the gently approach may work better than guns blazing but I think persistance it often needed. A letter just raising the problem of your son needing to be in a non cat enviroment due to alergic reactions and possibly seeking her help in working out how best this can be achieved with limited impact on the teaching of the class. Also cc a copy to the head of the infant school.

I'm afraid I find the idea of a child in the first half term of reception having to be totally independant a little shocking. I know my dd1 was but many of her friends still needed thier mum to help them settle in a year later.

I also think teachers should be polite to parents and vice versa. It sounds like you've got off to a really bad start with this teacher Acer, and it needs to be fixed now otherwise you and your DS will be unhappy.

Thanks for the reply, I have always got on really well with the teachers at school when my youngest was at the school nursery ( he was there for a year) he loved it and he never got in any trouble, and he is with the same children now in reception (split into two classes) I have always been polite and have every respect for the teachers (we pay because we are fortunate to be able to afford to) I am a qualified nursery nurse myself, I just have that feeling that this teacher wants me to keep my distance, I think I wasn't suppose to see the cat. I feel quite sick when I have to pick him up, worrying that he may have been naughty (he is no angel) but I find it hard to believe that he would hurt one of his friends unless provoked (I do encourage both my boys to defend themselves but definately not using violence).

I feel that if I complain about the cat then my ds may get a label (or myself) and that the other children may miss out, it has not affected my ds so far, I just did not like her reaction when I questioned her, I was only asking, is it usual to keep a pet in class? I know that it only comes in for a drink and is there for registration and then goes again because my ds told me, his teacher acted as if it was none of my business.

Well that in itself is unacceptable. Of course it's your business if a cat is coming into a classroom and your DS is allergic. And she ought to acknowledge that you do have a right to have a view on that.

Well I have just got back from both parents evenings, my dd teacher is lovely, she says that my dd is doing very well and she is a very pleasant, helpful girl. She also said that if I ever want to talk to her about any issues that maybe of concern, her door is always open.

I mentioned about my dd perfection and she said that she will encourage her where necessary, but also explain when she's struggling that its OK not to be top of everything and that all people are good at somethings but not everything.

She seemed very nice, I liked her.

My dd, I just think was being very sensitive, she can be at times. I have never told her or talked infront of her about what happended to me at school, its just me being over protective and thinking the worst.

Thank you everyone for your advice, thankfully the situation wasn't as I thought it might have been