Private verses state (not looking for an arguement!)

[Ditzymumofone]

We are in a tricky situation. We have gone private for our DS for infants based on recommendation from his day nursery. They raised certain things about him that they felt would benefit from small class size/one on one attention and lots of music etc.
We are now looking at the next stage the same issues are still there and may have to commit to a certain school in the next two weeks.

We are looking at all options.
Option A)Have spoken to the local state juniors who were exceedingly rude and basically told us to forget it as we aren't in their feeder schools. We like this school, its local, he has friends there but class size will be a problem, or will it, he might just have to get on with it.

Option B) We are considering his current headmistress recommendation which is a great prep school but very expensive. She is adamant that is is the right place for him - I know nothing about children so tend to trust her. This is where we will have to commit to in two weeks.

Option C) There is also a more middle ground prep school that we are looking at but our gut feel is a no.

At the end of the day, through all three options he could end up at the same senior school (although if he goes to OPTION B this is unlikely also at the local state school everyone goes to extra tuition which I don't like, would rather everything was done in one place so out of school time is fun time)so does the choice matter so much now?

It feels slightly crass to be in this situation as at least we have a choice although Option B will seriously stretch us.

Does anyone have any suggestions - without yelling at me about private v state!

i have no experience yet of choosing schools

i also acknowledge that state or private is very emotive and generates lots of opinion

i suppose you have to consider

1 - can u afford further private schooling. and if so do u wish to continue. Visit propspective private schools take advice, from people as many as poss, can u commit to application fee and visit and forfeit fee if not happy. would your son continue to have specific needs met in this environment

2 - State school - will your preferred choice take u. if so would u want to go eg shift to larger group, but closer/local

3 visit the other prep school as comparison / baseline keep open mind

good luck i do hope this does not result in State Vs Private debacle

I'd speak to the LEA to understand rules re entry into state junior schools in your area. Everyone has a right to state schooling, regardless of which school the child has attended previously.
Would you consider sharing more info about your son's issues? I'm sure teachers on here would be happy to help you understand to what extent his needs could be met in a state school, and what questions you would need to ask of any state school you were considering to satisfy yourself it was ok.
If you are really going to be stretched financially by sending him to B) then you have to consider what impact that will have on other things you are able to do as a family, all of which contribute to his overall education and the family's quality of life
re C) - your gut feel is NO. You have to go with your gut feel.
I hope this thread remains focused on your desire to do the best thing for your son and family, rather than a state vs private debate.

Is the headmistress on Payola?

If your son's problems demand one-to-one you can get state support via a statement for special educational needs.

In my experience friends and community are the most important factor in education for children with problems.

Yes, check the LEA's website regarding admissions policy for the Junior School. Some schools do prioritise children from particular schools, but there may also be a distance criterion. There will usually be some chart or table on the website showing you how many children were admitted under which criteria for the previous school year, and what the cut-off distance was. Obviously this isn't a guarantee, but will give you some idea of whether you're likely to get in.

Wrt the junior school's attitude, don't dismiss the school immediately because they were grumpy to you, but don't ignore it either. I have three children in three different schools, and we've moved house recently and done secondary transfer the year before, so following my extensive researches (!) I can report that school secretaries/admin staff do tend to reflect the general atmosphere and attitude of the school quite accurately. I wrote off a couple of secondary schools largely because the office staff were unbelievably snotty to me when I phoned up with a simple enquiry, and everything that I've since heard from people who sent their kids there has convinced me that I was right to do so.

Other things being equal, I'd probably go for B if you can afford it, as the safest option (and i'm not a private school user!). Will you be able to afford the same route for your other dc? If you're going to do the jump to the state school, you will have to keep your nerve long enough to give it a fair trial. What does his current headteacher think of the state school?

I agree that friends and community are important and have just spoken to LEA re the local state school that everyone we know will go to and they confirmed that we probably won't get a place as he isn't in the feeder school.
He doesn't have a problem - he is just very bright (which I get very embarassed discussing as people can be judgemental about it - he is the only one, I am too precious etc ) but his nursery and now the school have both said, he is different and we should, as we can, make our choices very carefully.

friends and community are also found in private schools too, friendships form schools promote activity

incidentally where i live i am within short walking distance of two VGood primaries whose catchment area are so restrictive and small i am not eligible for neither - actually i am in no one's catchment area and competition is fierce for places at good schools. the LEA apparently offers placements at other schools at least 45min-1 hour away on public transport

inevitably in my area this generates a lot of stress/competition to chase a few places

your dilemma is v difficult Ditzymumofone

Scottish Mummy, What on earth do you do to get a place then?

The community feel in his current school is great, but they all get sent all over the place at the next stage. During these holidays it has really come home to me that so all his school friends are a car drive away whereas his out of school are local. That will increase if we continue with private.

there is the rub - if u allow LEA to allocate they inevitably will allocate you to a not so popular subscribed school

i am looking into private prep as back up

Have you actually visited all the schools? That's the first thing you should do. Don't rely overly much on hearsay, go and have a look and try and judge the atmosphere and ethos etc.

I know you don't want a private/state debate, but don't dismiss state ones just because you have a very bright child. There are many incredibly bright children who are thriving in state schools.

I'm not sure I would rely totally on what one headmistress says. She may be very professional and have your child's best interests at heart, but at the end of the day she is also probably wholly embedded in the private system and so possibly a little blinkered to other options. Does she have much knowledge of other schools in the area, or is that the one she most often recommends?

Are the 3 mentioned your only options? If you're not in a feeder school for school A, which would be your catchment/designated state schools? Just to throw some more options into the melting pot!

You say option B would seriously stretch you - is that likely to be a real problem? Would it mean missing out on the odd luxury like nice holiday, car etc, or would it really impact your life? If you had more children, would you be able to do the same for them?

The real problem I see is your tight deadline - 2 weeks is no time to decide! What sort of fee to you have to pay to put your son's name down, is it one you would be 'happy' to forfeit in future if you changed your mind? If so, that would be the safest option - book him a place at Option B, but spend some good, intensive time looking at your other options in the next weeks and months.

i attended the faith school in my town which drew from a large area and did not live locally to school mamtes but you meeet up in town, get a lift in car. private does not necessarily guantee local but you might have to trade off proximity for small class size/indivudual attention

congratulations on your gifted wee one

We have seen six schools and been researching every option for quite a while and I absolutely agree re bright children in state school. But the state option we would be left with isn't good and has alot of problems.

Re the Heads recommendation, I have asked her outright the same question and she is very firm about her recommendation to us. Children from the school do go state and she knows what the schools offer (I do sometimes wonder with my cynical head on if she is recommending this school for the reflection on her school. However she isn't recommending it to anyone else this year.)

We just keep going round and round as we don't know what is right or if when it comes down to it we have much option if we want to choose.

is it financially to submit application to private to cover your options and then buy time for 2 weeks

do u have an allocated LEA place yet - are u happy with what LEA are offering

imo boils down to what can u afford and what do u want for your child

Hi Ditzym, just to say whatever decision you come to stick with it. From other threads on this subject the dilemma is the hardest part, and once it's over people are generally happy with the choices they made whichever way it went.

Just be grateful it's one dc and not 3 you're trying to place. We're in a similar situation with dc1 in private prep and dc2 and 3 at local state. It's a hard situation to be in, and good luck to you.

The real problem is to arrange the place at option b, is a LARGE fee and it isn't guareentees, you get it back if he fails the test, then we still need a back up!

Finacially we can do it, am not concerned about holidays/car etc but a second baby would really rock the boat!

We just want him to have a nice time at school and be happy - don't we all!!! Pregnancy should have warnings attached beware endless dilemas ahead.

I have no experience, but I have always felt ...

It is better to feel rich at a state school than poor at a private one. So don't choose the one you will struggle to pay - as if he gets to 16, has no GCSE's and declares he hated every minute, you will be left thinking "But I paid for that!"

Just a thought following EscapeFrom.
I have no experience but is it the case at private schools that you have to pay more for various 'extras', music lessons, trips or whatever? I am guessing. If it will be a struggle financially maybe DS would end up missing out on some of the extras and all his mates don't. May be an issue I don't know?

Well, without prying too much (!), if a second baby would really rock the boat and if you see any likelihood of that second baby arriving in the coming years, then I don't see how you can do it.

If however, you really love school B, can't imagine your child anywhere else and are reasonably sure about the financial implications, then you seem to have made your decision. Although like you say, you still need a back-up if there's a test involved.

Ditzymumofone -are any scholarships avail at private school for gifted children

at end of day this is your very personal decision, and good luck whatever u chose

ime school had a lot of tribalism
eg popular tribe
sciencey tribe
geeky tribe and

unfortunately a lot of rivalry/sniping does also exist so not sure any advantage in being able to "feel rich at a state school than poor at a private one"

at my school everyone knew what area u lived in and there were rivalry too and more some prosperous kids mean to some of the the less prosperous kids- so just another dynamic really

complex group dynamics exist at all schools private or state

No scholarships at this stage, although their record for boys getting them at the next stage is quite something.

Interested in the rivalry thing, at my all girls school this was pretty hellish, but at other halves all boys, non exsistent. Is this a girl thing?

Ditzy, I reckon option B if you can rise to it. My dcs really benefitted from a perhaps not so highbrow prep school in many and various ways. Living in the smallest house of their peers etc. never seems to have been an issue. If you like the look of the school, I'd give it a go. You can always change if it doesn't work out (and maybe if so, there might then be an opening at option A)

Ment to add that as he's noticeably 'stand out bright' at nursery/infants loosing your deposit for B is highly unlikely. Also, the scholarship track at B should really stretch him and if you're considering private for secondary, then you could regain the extra costs if he gets one.

Thank you all for your messages, we think B is the way to go, but you never know with little ones!

good luck with your decision and hope all works out for your wee one and you