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Original poster

Child settled into a great primary school BUT...Advice desperately wanted pretty please....

23 replies

Smiler62 · 30/01/2020 21:53

Hi there, so my eldest has started in reception in a primary school, which is great. Her sister is due to start there this coming September. The thing is, we want to move home and we have found our ideal home/area. We don't particularly want to change the primary school, BUT the catchment for this house regarding secondary schooling, is not the feeder secondary schools, so basically when they get to year 6 they'll both go to a secondary schol their friends won't go to 😣 ....I'm feeling really confused about what to do, advice needed....I just love the primary. Do you think it will matter greatly if they went to a secondary school not knowing anyone, or are kids at that age resilient. I know when I went to secondary I had only one per from primary in my class who I wasn't practically close with. I just don't know what to do. Mummy guilt and thinking far ahead, but I need a plan of action while they're still very little xx

OP posts:

GolfForBrains · 30/01/2020 22:01

A) how far is it anyway if you moved house, could they still attend that primary?

B) in six years time you may feel differently about the house or either school, or the admissions criteria may change! Lots of friendships change when they go to secondary anyway. If you would be happy with the secondary school you would get, I wouldn't let being the only one put you off.

Malmontar · 30/01/2020 22:23

How long will it take you to get to the school from your new house? That's the only thing that matters really. You have no idea at this point what school tour child will need in 7 years time so I wouldn't worry about secondary.

Original poster

Smiler62 · 31/01/2020 07:43

Hi Golfforbrains and Malmontar, where we are wanting to move to it is north of the primary about 18 mins drive away. The two feeder secondary schools are next door to her current primary. There are two secondary schools by the new house, which are good too. It's just that house is ideal. Where we live currently you can't get a great deal for your money, due to location by the schools, and it's an affluent area, going more rural you get much more for your money. My girls are my number one priority, but we also want that house too. Such a difficult one. I could potentially move my eldest to a feeder primary of one of the secondary schools in the catchment area, and there is one in particular which would suit my youngest as she is the quiet shy type, but the current primary results key stages are fantastic and it's not a pushy school, it's just a good learning through fun school which is why they get great results. The smaller school, which I still like has average results, writting is well below average and it's a 3 Ofsted, but I like the head teacher and the school structure as in it's a spacious school and it is nice on the eye - lots of displays etc. There's only 20 kids per class in the school. But I would hate to move my eldest and find she misses the currently primary immensely and doesn't settle in the smaller school. I'd choose to move them, purely for the fact it's a feeder primary of a catchment secondary. Little annoyed with myself that I hadn't thought of all this prior to settling where we currently live and school applications, but I'm not originally from around here and it's only recently I've realised. X

OP posts:

TwoBlueFish · 31/01/2020 08:01

If you move before September you may loose your younger child’s school place as you’d no longer be in catchment.

My DS1 went to secondary with nobody he knew, DS2 went to a catchment school but only about 4 other children from his primary went and none were his close friends. Both made new friends very quickly. They both chose these schools, knowing that they would need to make new friends. If your child desperately wants to go to the same school as all her friends then it could cause issues.

Personally Bally I’d move them to a closer primary when you move. Makes it easier for play dates as well.

shamelessfamilyoverroad · 31/01/2020 08:05

I'd move the children whilst they are young and can adapt more easily. Starting high school without knowing anyone sounds more daunting to me.

SoupDragon · 31/01/2020 08:11

If you move before September you may loose your younger child’s school place as you’d no longer be in catchment.

Is that true if they were in catchment when the places were offered?

hibiscuswater · 31/01/2020 08:14

I think I'd stay where I was and not move unless i had no choice.

Coffeeandcrumpet · 31/01/2020 08:16

I would move them both while still in Primary. Move house then look at which school you want them to attend then when they can get spaces move them. My son moved school in year 1, we had a few tears but was the best move for him and he barely remembers his old school now, they are so adaptable when they are young.

Gazelda · 31/01/2020 08:26

My DD knew virtually no one when she went to secondary. Just a couple of girls she's vaguely knew through Guides.
She found it hard, but gradually found people to be friends with. By the second d term, she was happily settled.
And she's remained firm friends with those she was close to at primary.
She thinks she's got the best of both worlds.

Malmontar · 31/01/2020 08:30

Honestly I'd move. That drive will become horrible and when they're so young it's so nice to have friends close by if that's a possibility. I wouldn't do it because of the secondaries thought. We've just sent out DD to a secondary not knowing a single soul, after a week she made friends and doesn't even talk to her old ones.
It is a great great blessing to be able to walk to school or have a short route. They will adapt they are so so young.

RhymingRabbit3 · 31/01/2020 08:33

I think it is easier for kids to move when they are 6 or 7 than when they are 11. Also I wouldnt want to do a 40 minute round trip to primary school twice a day, that's quite a long way and time out of your day - its lovely when kids are a bit older and can walk to school with their friends.

Shylo · 31/01/2020 08:41

MY kids went to a primary in the next town and then moved to a secondary close to where we live - my DD is fine, year 8, new friends and my DS moves soon but accepts only a couple of his classmates will go with him, one of whom he doesn’t like lol ....... so from that perspective I think it’s fine

However in my experience:

that 18 minute drive will become an absolute ball ache, especially if you have to do it multi times a day for forgotten kit, doctors appointments, assemblies etc
my kids very mush missed having friends near where we live. My DS inparticular feels very left out that he can’t drop in and out of mates houses like the others in his class do

your eldest has only just started school, she’s not that embedded although she may have settled in.

I’d move to the school nearer the house in all honesty

vdbfamily · 31/01/2020 08:49

My kids went to a small village school but we choose an out of country secondary as it was better and we planned to move closer. My oldest daughter really enjoyed getting away from the group of girls she had been more or less forced to be friends with as they were cohorts of 15 per year so not really a big choice of friends. It is not always a bad thing to start secondary school with some fresh friends as in my experience around year 5/6/7 friendships can be a bit fluid anyway.

Dozer · 31/01/2020 08:53

Are the secondary schools where you want to buy the new house good ones? Including in comparison with the one near where you live now?

If you’ve decided to move would move the DC to primary in the new location. Far, far easier for DC to change schools/ make new friends in reception, year one etc than go somewhere you know v few people while all primary go friends go elsewhere at secondary transfer.

BlouseAndSkirt · 31/01/2020 09:04

They have 5 years to make local friends in your new location.
Join Brownies etc or a dance or gym club and they will get to know local children who will go to the new secondary.

But they make new friends on day one anyway.

But I wouldn’t be wild about the idea of 6 years driving 18 mins each way twice a day, accommodating play dates all that way away etc.

My eldest is off to Uni now but the closest friends are still those who went to the same primary and they were all in and out if each other’s houses several times a week because they all lived within 3 roads.

So I would probably stay put until secondary, or move both house and school now.

SkeletonSkins · 31/01/2020 09:10

I’d move the children to a local primary, work out how much you save in petrol a week by not having that drive, and save it to spend on a tutor later if needed.

Appledeapp · 31/01/2020 09:20

I am in the situation you are talking about. Ds at great primary. We moved to get the house we wanted so he will go to secondary no knowing anyone.

If I could do things again I would move him to the catchment primary. It would have been better for making friends in the area and for having friends at secondary school. But his primary has been excellent so in some ways I feel I did the right thing.

FredaFrogspawn · 31/01/2020 09:23

Anything could change regarding the secondaries. And children often benefit from a new group of friends when starting secondary whilst maintaining a few special friendships from the old group.

They’ll be fine.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 31/01/2020 09:27

18minute drive... Add on time for traffic, parking, car seats... I live 10 minutes by car for normal traffic, I have to leave 30 minutes. Before scho starts and I still have the odd close call.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 31/01/2020 10:32

Both my sons (same schools but 4 years apart) moved from primary to secondary hardly knowing anyone there. They also both moved from secondary to a different 6th form school under the same circumstances. DS2 (now in year 12) has made friends with the group of incomers at his new school.
Your kids will adapt - I really wouldn't worry too much.

123EyesOnMe · 31/01/2020 10:36

Maybe just me but 18mins really doesn't seem very much at all. I do that daily for school run and don't bat an eyelid. Most people do where we live...
And speaking as someone witha child in year 6 and about to go to secondary, the children all do end up scattering at that point. Some go private, some go to different state schools...and secondaries tend to be larger than primaries in which case you have children from multiple schools feeding in. So everyone is put with new groups of people (in my son's case an entire school of them....but he's in the sae boat as loads of kids there) I really wouldn't worry about that particular transition. Plus, as others have said, if your children do clubs/extra activities near your new house then chances are they will make friends before secondary anyway.
I say...go for the house you love!

Original poster

Smiler62 · 31/01/2020 11:07

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many comments...thank you all so, so much! I think I'm now leaning to stick with a primary school which is a feeder of the secondary school....I do however agree that kids do adapt well so I'm not unduly worried, but then I have the slight worry that I may regret it if we get tears come year 6 that they are the only ones not going to the same secondary school. I really need to think about it. We haven't even sold our house yet lol, so we need to sell then put an offer etc and there's every chance we might not even get the house after all this. In the meantime I think I'm keeping an eye out for any similar style houses in our area just slightly out, but it's highly unlike there's any we can afford, in comparison. The secondarys are good, theres one here which is outstanding, the other good, the other two by the new house we want are good but one has a 6th form attached to it, which I like the idea of. I'm not particularly one to want them to go to the best of the best secondary school, I just want them to be in a happy secondary, not too "pushy" as these secondary schools which get outstanding results I think must be because I can imagine not every child is naturally highly acedemic, but I could be wrong I don't know. We have a second viewing next week so I think I'll weigh everything up then. Thanks again xx

OP posts:

VioletsArePurple · 31/01/2020 11:20

I think you should consider the commute to be an active part of existing school from an 18 minute drive away. Will you be the only one this far away? What will happen when you need someone else to grab your child at the gate until you get there? Will other people want to collect their children from your house when it's an 18 min drive. Will your children feel left out of the local community? Will you be in the same Local Authority? I think you might want to choose between your great house and the existing school. I personally would choose the better school. When my children went to senior school, their friends were to other school. All of their friends went to the same school, but not the one they were going to. They were very unhappy about it at the time. But after a few months of senior school they made friends and settled and it was fine.

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