How do I begin to plan a budget for private schooling?

[HJ40]

DS is only 18 months but we're already having a lot of discussions about schooling (and possibly should have done so already!). I see myself as fortunate to have gone to private school because my parents were overseas, and enjoyed the huge breadth of experiences it gave me. DH went to his local comprehensive, didn't love it, but did well and we both ended up at similar unis. Ultimately, we are now in similar jobs. (Which doesn't help my frequent feelings of not having achieved the potential my education might have expected, but that's a separate topic).

I think before we can have a thorough discussion, we need to know if it's even financially viable. I think it could be, but might be a stretch, and the last thing I want to do is start something we can't continue.

How can I begin to work out a long term budget to see if it's feasible?

'Most schools assume that a parent is at home'

both mine are at private school and the vast majority of families have both parents working to pay the fees. Yes, we are invited in to lots of things, but nothing like once a week and there is a good understanding of working parents.

What age are yours water bottle? In pre-prep there would be weeks when we were asked in 3 times and then weeks where we didn’t go at all. However, now that we’ve reached prep there are sports fixtures every week (more if children are in the A / B teams) although more of the performances are being moved to the evening. Between two children in different years I’m definitely in at least once a week on average and often more.

Also, the parent communities vary significantly. I would probably say that at both our schools, only around 20% of parents both work full time, 30-40% will have a parent who works (very) part-time and the rest will have a SAHP (usually a Mum). That’s quite normal for our area, as is the prevalence of grandparents paying fees (ours don’t).

Either way, the biggest extra commitment that I find needs to be made (I work) is holiday childcare, hence the main point of my post which is that this is a really significant cost that needs to be factored in. The time you need to go along to events is pretty insignificant compared to this cost. All the private schools here run holiday clubs, but they’re typically 10-3 which most working parents can’t manage other than on occasions they can work from home. That means you either need to hire a nanny for the day (probably about £100 a day gross) or else put them in longer clubs from eg 8-5 which are often £40+ a day each.

Private schooling is actually much more affordable than a lot of people think. We have two children, my salary covers the cost of their schooling (and it’s conveniently rising in line with rising costs). Obviously we don’t go on glamorous holidays or have a fancy house or anything but it’s well worth the cost. There really isn’t anything better to spend our money on quite frankly. If you are going down the private route do consider your options though. I recently went to an open day with a friend and it was abysmal. Obviously it was still better than the local state school options (otherwise no one would use it) but in comparison to the school were using it seemed like a child factory. Not all private schools are good environments for children and obviously different children have different needs etc. If you want what’s best for your child it can often involve moving or having additional help because the school isn’t compatible with your commute so you’ll have to factor in au pair/nanny costs as well.

@Pixxie7 most people I know who’ve been through the system (at the better schools) have pretty normal professional jobs but they also speak several languages, are cultured, have connections etc etc. Some use this for professional or financial gain but a lot don’t. Ultimately a job isn’t much of an achievement - pretty much everyone has one. It’s just being more than you need to be I guess, reaching your full potential is another way to put it. A lot of these people will then Segway out of their job into something better in their 40s/50s whether that’s starting their own firm or going into politics, writing books etc. A job is merely a stepping stone in your journey towards doing something meaningful with your life rather than an end game. I have a good job, professional with good opportunities for progress and it’s a great opportunity to learn but I’m still young, if I’m still doing this, albeit at a higher level, when I’m 50 I’d deem that to be a bit of failure iyswim. It’s a mindset. Some people see getting a good job as an achievement in life, others see it as a temporary but necessary step to actually doing something worthwhile. The OP probably has the latter view point so sees her failure rather than her husbands achievement.

@ReginaBambina this is a really great way to think about things

Don't just start looking a pre-prep fees and adding 5% per year - remember that senior school fees are far in excess of those.

Lots of people these days pay for one or two phases - 6th Form is most popular. The least numbers are in pre-preps (infant age) - it might be you can afford one or two phases but not 3-18. Obviously the older the phase you choose the longer you have to save and prepare, but also fees will rise rapidly during that time too.

For 1 child in the south east, starting at 7+ 5 years ago, if paying purely from income, I calculated that an average of £1500 was needed per month to get to 18. That covered the prep years that were just below and just above £1k per month and then the senior years which range from £1400-£1800 ish.

As others have said, you could also look at ensuring you live in an area with very good state schools and fund some extra tutoring - it's what many of those who were privately educated themselves but now find they cannot afford the same for their kids do.

There are so many variables in this. A few might include:

• how many children you want to have
• what your local state primary and secondary schools are like
• whether you have your heart set on a top boarding school or local independent day schools

Remember that when you choose to pay through the nose for a product that is available free you need to be realistic about what you are paying for. A school is a school. It teaches a lot of kids. No school will provide a bespoke service perfect for each individual child. It cannot guarantee that what it does well will suit your child perfectly. Nor can it make promises about what your child will achieve as an adult. I am sure you know that, but it is worth remembering that no amount of money spent on private education can make up for the ability and determination that gets some state educated kids to the top of their chosen career. Some kids are probably so comfortable that they have no reason to find an inner determination. Choose a school because you think your child will be happy and thrive there, regardless of what the future might hold. And make sure that your choice won't put sp much pressure on your finances that it makes home a stressful place, because that will do more damage than good.

And I agree with pp who said don’t assume private will be better than state. If you want to school relatively locally, look at the independents and states to see the difference and if you think fees are worth it. Remember there are some crap independents and great state schools. Especially if you decide you can’t/don’t want to pay the whole way through decide if in your area it’s more worth paying for primary or secondary. In most areas it’s secondary, but in full grammar areas people sometimes pay instead for primary.

Yes to spotting how independents vary a lot - in terms of fees, if/how selective they are, how pushy, results (from top notch to mediocre - would you know mediocre results if you saw them - not all parents do) to facilities, to types of parents and family set up. Think what fits with your ethos and if it’s available locally.

One thing I mention to those who would like independent but on inspection realise it’s out of reach, is that bits of tutoring and lots and lots of extra curricular stuff is available and affordable to loads of people who can’t afford fees or fees for 2-18. It is possible to top-up and if you are providing a good middle class lifestyle at home with education in its broadest sense being highly valued and supported and enriching activities, your DC will probably perform to whatever their individual potential is.

In honesty, children who enter highly selective schools at 11 are clever. After a few weeks you can’t tell who went to a prep for 7 years and who went to the local primary and had some home/tutor coaching in terms of most academic subjects. The thing that shines through is their natural ability and work ethic .....and both come from home more than school.