Tutoring quandary

[MtnBikeChick]

I am not posting in tutoring as would like a broader view. I have posted on here before about my year 5 DS's academic struggles in his very high performing south London prep. His maths is of particular concern and we have to date had a maths tutor once a week. He has also been doing a tutor club once a week but I am starting to feel like all the additional tutoring is a bit much. Two sessions a week is costing us £400-£500 a month. The cost is not an issue but I am starting to worry it's just adding more pressure on him. My husband and I are going to look at different, smaller schools for him, with better provision for his struggles and in an attempt to improve his self esteem. I guess my question is - where your kids have struggled has tutoring really helped or is it really just tutoring to pass exams? I don't want to do tutoring for the sake of it but he also point blank refuses to do ANY extra work with me at home - and I mean anything!! It's a huge battle.

Has he had an educational psychologist assessment?

Personally I would stop tutoring and find a school better suited to his needs. He could be completely normal and just not suitable for a very academic school. The current situation sounds damaging. Good luck.

Objectively, where is his maths? I know you said prep school, but would you expect him to pass the y6 maths SATs?

How old is he? Maybe he's just too young and you'll need to hold back a bit and when he matures he'll accept help better?

He's young. August born. At this point he would not pass year 6 SATS - he is getting 97 on his CAT and 35% in most recent maths test

Who says he would not pass y6 sats? 97 is well within the average range , but may well be less than the average for an academic prep. Maybe you need to reevaluate his secondary options rather than tutor and have him struggle there.

Am not sure about a tutoring club, but if you are paying an independent private tutor it's up to you to tell them what the purpose of the tutoring is and what outcome you are expecting.
So are you aiming at entrance exams for selective private schools? Or are you aiming to build his self esteem by working out where he is compared to an average 10 year old? Or are you aiming for something that isn't possible i.e. reach the standards his current school "expects"?
To be honest, I would be looking at building up his self esteem and transferring to a less pressurised school environment. It sounds as if he's very unhappy at the moment. The right sort of tutoring may help in the long term. but not sure if this is happening at the moment.

Sounds like he's in the wrong school for him.and he'd suit a less selective school which might cater for him better and be better for his self esteem. He might not need tutoring if he was getting teaching that was more suited to him

I do tutoring and would say (and always say to my students) that an hour a week tutoring can help identify missing pieces of understanding or knowledge and can provide a bit more practise but if a student is struggling in general it won't completely transform that. I would definitely look for a less pressured school for him.